Punishment: Drinking out of a toilet (#2)

Read the first instalment Punishment: The day I drank out of a toilet Lois: “You were up early” (She meant this morning around 5 when I’d been on my phone to have a break from dreams for a little while) Me: “Morning Miss” Lois: “Did you have bad dreams this morning?” Me: “No one tried to choke me this time but it was stressful anyway.” Lois: “Never a night without nightmares?” Me: “I only call them nightmares if I wake Continue Reading →

“You have 5 Minutes to send me a Kinky Picture”

Another post on a past happening with Miss Lois. I had just woken up and the sound of her incoming message took me by surprise. Just a few sentences into our conversation, and she noticed I’d only just woken up because I guess I respond differently when I’m still sleepy? So of course, she then said… “Ok, let us try a new game. You have 5 minutes to send me a picture and that will buy you some of my Continue Reading →

Licking Wasabi off My Stilettos

(I’m currently relying on scheduled posts because of work and uni and football and planning classes and… I expect to be less busy on the weekend and will catch up with blog things! Am certainly excited to relax and read some sex-related posts and see some Feb-fest pictures, hehe. In the meantime, thank you for all your kind comments. I really appreciate it ♥)   The last few posts from my chronologically ordered training with Miss Lois mention that my Continue Reading →

Triggering Dissociation with a Task

I have written about my dissociation in the past in My Mental Illness: Depression and Dissociation and written a guest post attempting to explain a little bit about dissociation on SB4MH. Considering the forms of dissociation out there like, Dissociative Identity Disorder about which DeviantSuccumbus has written some great posts (here & here) that explains it well, mine is pretty mild. I don’t have multiple personalities but I do seem to have an ego state. This is different from a dissociative Continue Reading →

Trying to orgasm with clamps on my labia until I cried

In the morning of this particular day, Miss Lois had been briefly online and asked if I had a busy day today. She said that she had to go but that she might say hello later on if her day wouldn’t be too crazy. Three hours later she came back online and pointed out that I’d seemed to be rather quiet today. She asked me how I felt. “Alright, Miss,” I said. Miss Lois: “That doesn’t really mean anything.” Me: Continue Reading →

I Don’t Want to Win

Following up on my anticipating my first caning post, I want to go a little bit deeper into my ‘I don’t want to win’ statement by going back to the time I spent with Miss Lois. As happened quite often… (more often than I thought, looking back) I was having a few depressive days again. These would often end up in breakdowns, which I can best describe as being at my lowest point, feeling like I want to kill myself. Continue Reading →

No Reminder Like Marks

Marks, mhm… I love marks because they are a visible reminder of the good time we had and sometimes they leave a soft sting of pain. Walking away from a task with marks reminds me of the pain I might have endured or whatever message a Domme wanted to instil in me. Having marks can be a moment of pride because it shows that what I did was ‘severe’ enough to leave them. While I love marks, there weren’t a Continue Reading →

“Would you like a slave name?”

“Would you like a slave name? A name I call you?” Miss Lois asked me one day. Reading the question made me pause. I had always been resistant towards slave names and even addressing a Domme with Miss, but then this had obviously changed. I now liked calling Lois, Miss Lois. It made me feel good because I felt like she deserved to be addressed as such, and it also made me feel more like a slave. It was sort Continue Reading →

Body Writing to Recognise my Slave Identity

(I have implemented the function in my site that if you want to see the pictures in a post, you just click on ‘view image’ whenever an image is available. This way, people can choose to only read posts if they don’t want to see naked/sexual pictures. I haven’t figured out what to do with the header pictures yet though) In the previous post, I mentioned that I wasn’t doing too great and my dissociation and depressive thoughts were far Continue Reading →

Trying to dig up feelings. Fighting dissociation

I’m fairly confident I have mentioned this before, but if you’re new here, I didn’t really enjoy orgasms or touching myself for a long, long time. A friend once encouraged me to get a vibrator and to start self-pleasuring, pointing out how important and healthy this was. After getting past the initial embarrassment, I followed her advice but I didn’t like it at all. I tried different things and I just didn’t get it. What was this thing called orgasms Continue Reading →

Part 2: Did my friend manage to come a second time just by reading my and Miss Lois’ conversation?

My friend: “I just came….”
(Lmao how the hell did he come without touching himself and only by reading our conversation???)
Continue Reading →

Part 1: A shared chat with Miss Lois and my best friend

Miss Lois, my best friend and I entered a chat group with just the three of us. She told him that he wasn’t allowed to speak in here unless directly asked to, and that he wasn’t allowed to touch himself at any point, but that if he did without touching himself, it would be a massive compliment to me! Continue Reading →

A Chore made a Task

This is a very short post (being published on a Sunday for that reason), and this report was in fact already published on Fetlife. I am posting it here too because it’s going to be relevant to the post that will be published next Wednesday. I complained to Miss Lois how I had to call a call centre to fix a certain problem I had with ordering some pair of shoes that Miss Lois had told me to get. I Continue Reading →

Double Insertion

This day, she told me to get naked, put on my boos and to insert a vibrator in each of my holes and to turn them on max. I asked her if I was allowed to use a blanket or something, and she allowed me to lie in bed after I shower her a picture of me first. Continue Reading →

Embarrassing positions

She then told me to take a picture of myself in the most humiliating position that I could think off… which… I hate this. Having to come up with positions myself because I’m not sure what’s embarrassing exactly because I don’t always feel certain positions as embarrassing. Additionally having to think of one myself makes me worry because what if it’s not good enough? Continue Reading →

And then my best friend got in contact with Miss Lois

During one of Miss Lois and my conversations, she suggested that it might be interesting to have a three-way chat with the both of us and my friend sometime and that she wanted to know my opinion on that. Continue Reading →

Part 3: Clit torture: Dragon’s blood XXX Ultra Hot Sauce…

Miss Lois: “Be careful with the sauce. You have tried it earlier so you know.”
I mean… I guess I knew but I was also very naive and just not really there with my brain? All I knew is that I wanted to please her and that probably meant using more sauce rather than less. Continue Reading →

Part 2: Squirting through a Speculum

She told me to replace the butt plug in my vagina with the speculum. It didn’t really want to go in… It wasn’t necessarily that much bigger but it was shaped differently? And the small tip of the butt plug helped with pushing it in. But I managed to push it in by forcing it in despite the pain. Continue Reading →

Part 1: Stylish shoelaces and planned outfits

I guess you’re wondering what this has to do with kink but one of the things Miss Lois told me to order at some point were specific shoelaces, which partly excited me and partly caused me to feel anxious because oh my god, another exterior change for the public to see! Continue Reading →

Punishment: The day I drank out of a toilet (#1)

Miss Lois: “‘As long as I can be useful to someone, even in the future, I have a purpose.’ This is your slave motto. Whenever we start a conversation, you type this after saying ‘Hello Miss’. I don’t want you to copy paste it. I want you to memorise and write it. The punishment for forgetting will be you peeing in the toilet and slurping some of the wee from the bowl.” Continue Reading →

Task: Epilator for pussy

Miss Lois once asked me to sketch her a scenario / write her a story about a girl that wanted to be a slave and was starting her training. (I mean, this was obviously about me even though I started writing it as if it was about a random person, after which I was specifically told that this was about me.) Continue Reading →

Feeling like a good slave: Elastic bands and Candle wax

The first thing I did when I got home was take off my clothes. Usually I then put on comfy clothes, but I decided to not to as I suspected I might have to take them off shortly anyway. Miss Lois asked me to show her my room with pictures and afterwards I snuggled up comfortably in my warm bed. Only for her to tell me to get up 5 minutes later. Continue Reading →

That time when my best friend tied me to the bed with ginger up my butt

Miss Lois: “I was wondering if you could ask your friend to use the under the bed restraints on you and leave you for an extended period of time alone, tied up like that. So that you can have some feeling of being restrained. You can return the favour, of course.” Continue Reading →

Task: Squirt at 3 AM every night

Once I got a Fitbit, Miss Lois could look into my sleep pattern and as it turned out, I seemed to wake up around 3 AM most nights. This helped her decide on the outline of a new task: to wake up every night at 3 AM (without an alarm, my body had to know that I had to) and to masturbate until I squirted. I would only be allowed to go to sleep afterwards and was to send a picture with a small report on how it went in the morning. Continue Reading →

Compliments and attention are good

Halfway through my training, Miss Lois also started making a point of how compliments are positive. I suppose I struggled to accept compliments because I never felt like I was good enough or doing good enough. It can always be better, right? I also didn’t like attention and receiving a compliment felt like receiving attention. Continue Reading →