Part 1: Fun on the Train

Previous Post | Next Post (To read this full post with the pictures, subscribe to my Onlyfans here.) It’d been about a month and a half since Lois and I had the conversation in which our dynamic ended. She’d said hi a few times to see how I was doing, but that’d been all.  I had just spent my day with a friend on the other side of the country and was about to reach the train station when my Continue Reading →

No longer my Mistress Lois

Previous Post | Next Post (Reminder that my posts about Lois are a re-telling and took place over a year ago) In my messages to Lois during her absence, I had started spiralling some more. Like I mentioned in the previous post, uni had broken up, football had stopped, I didn’t have access to therapy or MH help, and I was working in housekeeping full time and god, that was sucking my soul out. Additionally, my ‘friend’ only wanted to Continue Reading →

Round the Neighbourhood, Half Naked with a Bottle of Pee

Previous Post | Next Post Content warning: self-harm and suicidal thoughts There were two weeks between when we tried out the inflatable butt plug, and Lois’ next message. In her message she apologised, saying it was a really busy time at work and that it would stay like this for a while longer and hoped that all was well with me. Two weeks later she sent me another message, apologising again and said that work was crazy. She said that Continue Reading →

You’ll Obey when I tell you to Insert It

Previous Post | Next Post When Lois told me to get two new toys (an inflatable butt plug and a remote control vibrator) I was equally excited and a little scared. I was impatient over the delivery time, excited when they arrived and when Lois came online and asked me if I was indeed excitement, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Instead, I was afraid of it not working out. By that I meant that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able Continue Reading →

Smelling my Friend’s Worn Sock

Previous Post | Next Post About a year ago now, two of my Dutch friends were visiting me in Scotland. We’d done some sightseeing the days before but were just chilling in the living room today. They were looking into booking a trip to the highlands but I wasn’t going because I didn’t have the money. So as they were using my laptop I was on my phone and then Lois messaged me. We said our usual hi’s, told her Continue Reading →

Don’t you want to be my Owner?

Previous Post | Next post I was playing a rugby 7s tournament this day with the universities rugby team. I love rugby 7s because it’s so fast-paced and I’m fast and love to score those try’s as people fall over trying to tackle me. It’s a great feeling! (Rugby 7 matches only last 15 minutes and take place on a full football pitch with 7 players on each team.) We had just warmed up for our first game when a Continue Reading →

Fun Gift and a Burning Vagina

Previous Post | Next post For a long while, I didn’t care much about having orgasms. They were sort of nice, but not so nice that I wanted to have them all the time. In fact, it kind of took a lot of effort to get there. Using vibrators helped, but even then, I didn’t feel like the effort was worth those few seconds of pleasure. I had been wondering if I needed to try a wand perhaps, as everyone Continue Reading →

Distracted in Class

Previous Post | Next Post Studying at university has one big advantage, which is that you don’t have to get up early (not if you’re a creative writing postgrad student at least) and so the only time I left the house around 8 was if I took up a shift as an ambassador. On one of those days, I sent Lois the usual ‘this is what I’m wearing today’ picture and five minutes later she said good morning and asked Continue Reading →

Adapting Desires

Everyone has certain ideas and tends to stick to certain values. Sometimes we are so attached to these that we aren’t open to receiving input from elsewhere. I for one am convinced there is no god and am not receptive to the idea that I should practise religion. Is this a bad thing? No, not necessarily but the consequence is that I’ve closed to the door to possible enlightenment which religion can bring other people. While I have certain ideas Continue Reading →

Chatting while put in pain

Previous Post | Next Post You’ve already read a post about how I got to deserving to call Lois my Mistress but I realised that I forgot a bit about that. In that post, I’ve shown you the reasons why this was important, what I had to do to deserve it and why it was a good thing for both of us. Part of that was writing an essay to convince Lois I deserved it but after I wrote it Continue Reading →

Doing my first task on Cam

Previous Post | Next Post As I wrote in this post, Lois had made me the offer that I could ask her to use the hot sauce while on webcam. However, we had never done a task or kinky play on webcam yet and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Or maybe I was. I knew I wanted to but the idea was also daunting. It had only been a few days since she’d made me this offer Continue Reading →

Tasked to wear Long Skirts

Previous Post | Next Post After fulfilling Tasks Given by People on Fetlife, Lois gave me a new task. “Next week, you will wear the long black skirt and the long green skirt twice. So you are going to wear those skirts for 4 days in total.” The prospect of this was terrifying to me. What if people thought I’d dressed up too fancy? What if they’d tell me it looked stupid? Or complimented me? Or just looked my way because Continue Reading →

“Fuck you” | For a fleeting moment, at peace at last

Previous Post | Next Post Content warning: bad mother-daughter relationship 21 March 2019 21:06 Mum sent me a message and I replied and she replied and then I just said, Fuck you. I don’t know if that’s a good thing but I just can’t.  22:09 I don’t think I’ve ever… said anything like this to her before. 22:10 I feel so helpless. 22:24 Lois: “I think you expressed your emotions.” Me: “Hi Miss. As long as I can be useful Continue Reading →

Tasks Given by People on Fetlife

Previous Post | Next Post Lois had been interested in having me do tasks given by other people for a while. I suppose this is evident in how she’d ask my best friend what he’d like me to do, or what embarrassing position I should take in pictures. So far, however, I didn’t seem to respond in the way she’d expected me to. The fact that the ideas came from him didn’t make me feel more embarrassed than usual. Next Continue Reading →

Deserving to call her Mistress

Previous Post | Next Post As you know, I’ve always referred to Lois as Miss Lois because that’s what she told me to address her as – that is, for the first half of my training. At some point, this changed and I was allowed to address her as Mistress Lois. The title was something she thought should be earned and eventually I did. Let’s go back to the start though. I never really knew much about titles; I didn’t Continue Reading →

Punishment: Drinking out of a toilet (#2)

Previous Post | Next Post Read the first instalment Punishment: The day I drank out of a toilet Lois: “You were up early” (She meant this morning around 5 when I’d been on my phone to have a break from dreams for a little while) Me: “Morning Miss” Lois: “Did you have bad dreams this morning?” Me: “No one tried to choke me this time but it was stressful anyway.” Lois: “Never a night without nightmares?” Me: “I only call Continue Reading →

“You have 5 Minutes to send me a Kinky Picture”

Previous Post | Next Post Another post on a past happening with Miss Lois. I had just woken up and the sound of her incoming message took me by surprise. Just a few sentences into our conversation and she noticed I’d only just woken up because I guess I respond differently when I’m still sleepy? So of course, she then said… “Ok, let us try a new game. You have 5 minutes to send me a picture and that will Continue Reading →

Licking Wasabi off My Stilettos

Previous Post | Next Post (I’m currently relying on scheduled posts because of work and uni and football and planning classes and… I expect to be less busy on the weekend and will catch up with blog things! Am certainly excited to relax and read some sex-related posts and see some Feb-fest pictures, hehe. In the meantime, thank you for all your kind comments. I really appreciate it ♥)   The last few posts from my chronologically ordered training with Continue Reading →

Triggering Dissociation with a Task

Previous Post | Next Post I have written about my dissociation in the past in My Mental Illness: Depression and Dissociation and written a guest post attempting to explain a little bit about dissociation on SB4MH. Considering the forms of dissociation out there like, Dissociative Identity Disorder about which DeviantSuccumbus has written some great posts (here & here) that explains it well, mine is pretty mild. I don’t have multiple personalities but I do seem to have an ego state. This Continue Reading →

Trying to orgasm with clamps on my labia until I cried

Previous Post | Next Post In the morning of this particular day, Miss Lois had been briefly online and asked if I had a busy day today. She said that she had to go but that she might say hello later on if her day wouldn’t be too crazy. Three hours later she came back online and pointed out that I’d seemed to be rather quiet today. She asked me how I felt. “Alright, Miss,” I said. Miss Lois: “That Continue Reading →

I Don’t Want to Win

Previous Post | Next Post Following up on my anticipating my first caning post, I want to go a little bit deeper into my ‘I don’t want to win’ statement by going back to the time I spent with Miss Lois. As happened quite often… (more often than I thought, looking back) I was having a few depressive days again. These would often end up in breakdowns, which I can best describe as being at my lowest point, feeling like Continue Reading →

No Reminder Like Marks

Marks, mhm… I love marks because they are a visible reminder of the good time we had and sometimes they leave a soft sting of pain. Walking away from a task with marks reminds me of the pain I might have endured or whatever message a Domme wanted to instil in me. Having marks can be a moment of pride because it shows that what I did was ‘severe’ enough to leave them. While I love marks, there weren’t a Continue Reading →

Sexually Teasing My Best Friend

Previous Post | Next Post In previous posts, I mentioned and explained that Miss Lois was proud of me if I was able to make my best friend come, or if he felt aroused by me. She wanted to teach me how I could use my body as an advantage or a power tool, if you want to put it that way, lol. Have any of you ever seen the CW show Nikita? 😍 Once my friend and I had Continue Reading →

Body Writing to Recognise my Slave Identity

Previous Post | Next Post In the previous post, I mentioned that I wasn’t doing too great and my dissociation and depressive thoughts were far stronger than the feeling of serving as a slave, or the feeling of an orgasm; the depressive thoughts were starting to become my truth. Miss Lois and I had last been in touch at 6 PM and at 11.30 PM I sent her another string of messages that… Well, I might as well share what Continue Reading →