(Please keep in mind that this post was written a full year ago before the time of publishing.)
I was standing on top of a hill, looking out over the sea with my Canon camera and a microphone set up to take some video shots when my phone made that noise. Lois had messaged me. The sound startled me because it has been so quiet and peaceful with the chipping birds, distant waves and the occasional passerby. The notification also instantly gave me butterflies, as it always did when she messaged me. I pretty much felt an eager puppy or when she messaged me.
A few days ago, Lois had told me to order a few new items of which the black shiny hold up stockings had arrived. I’d shown her a few pictures of what they looked like on me but had not been wearing heels as she liked. So now that she was online she told me to take a new picture while wearing my stilettos. I said that I could get back home in about 30 minutes and showed her a picture of where I was and what I was doing but she said not to worry; she was only saying hi. She asked me if I could take a picture of myself with my top off and I said I might be able to if I went to a different place as a few people had kept on passing by. She told me not to worry and that I shouldn’t let her distract me. (I mean… how can I not? / It’s not like I minded!)
She left, but I had instantly felt like I wanted to do what she asked so I moved to a slightly quieter spot, which was just a few meters ahead and around a corner, but I could still hear people talk. When you look up you see caravans looking out over the sea and they have a view of the path that I was on too. If someone were standing in front of one of the windows, they could potentially see me. A little to the right I noticed a man standing at a viewpoint who could also see me if he were to look my way.
Alright then, I had to be quick. While I had my proper camera with me it didn’t cross my mind to use since it makes a sound when the shutter clicks. I had never taken any sort of nude-ish picture in nature before and was absolutely terrified, really so my phone would have to do. I was wearing two layers; a vest top and my shirt. I thought it would take too much time to put my clothes back on if someone appeared if I took both off, so I decided all I would manage was pulling my top up, rather than taking it off.
With the plan in mind, all I had to do was do it but I could still hear people talk, which might or might not have meant that they were coming closer. The caravans were starting to loom over me and the man at the viewpoint hadn’t moved. I wondered if this was really such a good idea. Lois didn’t tell me I should but now I wanted to. I was going to do this. No point in changing my mind now.
I pulled up my tops and turned with my back towards the sea and felt like my boobs were visible for everyone to see. I took the selfie and pulled my clothes back down. I checked the picture but it seemed like one of my breasts was still half covered so I thought I should take another to correct it.
I looked to my left and right, up at the caravans and to the viewpoint where that man was still standing (goddamnit) and shivered in the Scottish wind. I pulled my clothes up again and somehow it felt like taking this picture took so much longer while the voices were becoming louder. I heard someone laugh and was really afraid someone had seen me and was talking about me now. I took the picture and fumbled awkwardly with my clothes to make myself look decent again. By this point, I was convinced that someone had walked up the path from behind but it turned out I was only paranoid. Thank god.
I put my coat back on, took the remaining video footage I needed and made my way back home.
You will have seen this picture before as I used it for February Photofest.
Later that day Lois asked me if it was a calming thought to me that I would do whatever she told me to. It felt peaceful to me because I always questioned whether what I did was right or wrong and with her, it was very simple; the only option is doing it, no need to question it.
“Because it is the best thing for you to do,” she said.