Adapting Desires

Everyone has certain ideas and tends to stick to certain values. Sometimes we are so attached to these that we aren’t open to receiving input from elsewhere. I for one am convinced there is no god and am not receptive to the idea that I should practise religion. Is this a bad thing? No, not necessarily but the consequence is that I’ve closed to the door to possible enlightenment which religion can bring other people. While I have certain ideas I stick to, I generally believe I’m an open-minded and receptive person. In fact, Lois would sometimes say she’d found me as an empty vessel and that I was the perfect slave because of it.

It’s important for me to be receptive and impressionable. Before diving into the lifestyle of a slave I already went with the flow, so to speak. I think this is partly because I didn’t feel for so long but also partly because quite often I feel happy if the other person is happy. (Make no mistakes, I always speak up for myself. If I am compliant it’s because I want to be and you mean something to me.) Being susceptive as a slave is a great quality to have.

For me, being a slave means making my owner happy and putting their needs before mine so if they have certain ideas about what they want me to be or want me to look like I have to be open to those ideas and changes. Being receptive also means being in service of and if I wasn’t receptive I would have never been open to the training Lois gave me.

From the very start, Lois made it very clear that amongst other things she wanted to turn me into someone who liked wearing heels, makeup, skirts etc. My immediate thoughts in response to these particular things were, no, please, I can’t do that. People will think I look stupid. Makeup looks stupid on me. I pushed the idea out of my mind, assured that Lois would ‘force’ me to go there eventually while secretly hoping she’d change her mind. She gave me time but she certainly didn’t change her mind and for a long time neither did I. So when it came to it, rather than being receptive to the point of trying it myself Lois had to force me and keep on doing so until I could take in and appreciate the idea.

While I didn’t think she could change my mind I never eliminated her suggestions. I’m always open to hearing and trying new ideas because I believe one can often learn something from it. Even if it doesn’t end up benefitting me I will have learned that. More importantly, as a slave, I feel like you have to be open for suggestions or even be impressionable. From the start, I would always try what Lois wanted me to do and trust that it would be good or beneficial for me or our relationship and that if it wasn’t, we would change things accordingly. This means that even though I wasn’t receptive to the idea of makeup personally, I was open for trying and sticking with it until I realised I actually like it.

Having an open mind is a bit like taking every opportunity that you’re given in life. Being open to possibilities broadens your mind and spirit and can be enlightening and beneficial. Often, relationships hit a brick wall during arguments because people aren’t receptive and can’t open up to the other person’s perception. If one was to keep an open mind and would properly talk, the relationship would improve. In a similar sense, being amenable in my relationship with Lois brought me to new heights I hadn’t realised were even possible.

About a year into our dynamic, my desires gradually started to shape around her desires, even if the said desire was something I was initially terrified of or loathed. As you know, I was terrified of wearing heels to the point that she had to force me by making me wear stones in my shoes until I went outside in heels. During the first few occasions after that, I was still praying that she would stop making me wear them until suddenly a second thought wriggled itself in my mind: I want to wear heels because I’m making her happy and proud.

Wait, no. You do not want to wear heels, you are terrified of wearing heels. But she’ll like that you’re wearing heels. But everyone will look at you! But she’ll like that everyone is looking at you. Aaaahh.

I now had two thoughts that were fighting each other. Still, it took several months before the latter started winning occasionally. All in all, it took a year before I started wearing heels all the time (and I mean comfortable ones, not high stilettos or something) and I felt happy and a little proud for doing so because it was what Lois liked. In the meantime, something similar started happening with how I dressed. I wanted to wear skirts because Lois wanted me to and by the time I allowed myself to feel this way, I had jumped over the hurdle of fear which allowed me to realise I personally enjoyed looking nice. Additionally, jumping over that hurdle allowed me to be more myself as I started to appreciate that it’s not bad for me to be receptive; pleasing a Domme isn’t negative at all, it’s a strength.

Further down the line, it started taking less and less time for my desires to shape into hers. With heels, it took a year. The idea of wearing clamps or using the hot sauce took several months. It took a few weeks for her suggestion of staples to become my desire and just a few days before I changed my eyebrows to what she liked them to be (side note, I always had a very strong aversion to making my eyebrows smaller, which is what she wanted me to do lol).

Whereas she had to force me to wear heels and skirts to begin with, her mere suggestion of other things later on automatically made me want them. Since then, she no longer set me a task or tell me to do something. Instead, she’d suggest something, wait for me to want it, wait for me to beg for it and then grant it to me. The most striking example is when she told me she wanted me to have labia piercings and to stretch them into flesh tunnels. I was absolutely terrified when she said it but just a few hours later I wanted them.

Truth be told, I absolutely love that my desires could change that quickly. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I think it has to do with how it was an acknowledgement of the amount of power she had. It showed how far our dynamic had come and how much she owned me in that sense. It also allowed me to serve her completely, which made me feel proud of being a slave.

Just because that dynamic ended doesn’t mean all progress is lost. I didn’t realise it had remained with me until I met Roxy, who so happens to be into rope. I personally love the look of rope but get frustrated doing it when it’s not working out. Learning how to do rope just seemed like too much effort but when I realised Roxy likes rope my interest sparked. Suddenly I felt the desire to try out some, which means I have gotten over my laziness, can make some pretty harnesses now and created a rope meme! Keep in mind that this happened over the time span of about three weeks. That is how quickly my desires can still adapt.

Obviously, I should only give this power to someone I can trust. It can be dangerous to tell someone that your desires are whatever they desire because if they’re bad people it could turn nasty. However, allowing myself to embrace my receptiveness has made me love myself more. Repressing it because society deems that we should be ‘independent’ does more harm than good. Earlier I said that I want to put the need of my Domme before mine but it’s also important to realise that my need is, in fact, the need to please and to serve. By putting their needs before mine my need is actually met and I am happier for acknowledging this. Now, if I can use this to please my Mistress in the future I will be even happier.

Xx Mila

Ps, as you can tell from pictures I do not have labia piercings. Because I play sport competitively I have to wait until we have a break and our dynamic ended before we reached that break. However, I still find myself interested in the idea. On another side note, I’ve been wanting to get a septum rather badly and was waiting for the end of the season. (Which was just a month away!) But didn’t get to get one before lockdown so now I’m… sad and frustrated lol. This would have been the perfect time for piercings to heal!!