(Please keep in mind that this post was written a full year ago before the time of publishing.)
I’d bought myself a new toy without Lois telling or suggesting me to and I didn’t ask her about it either. This was fine, of course; no rule against it but I never usually got things for myself. But I was curious and I wanted it. I’d been playing with the idea of having this toy for a while.
I’m talking about Lush from Lovense. It’s a Bluetooth remote control vibrator which can be controlled from anywhere in the world. I’ve always had some sort of fascination with new inventions for long-distance relationships. I guess it’s because I have a lot of online friends that I don’t get to see often and some romantic interests too. Perhaps almost ten years ago, I saw this weird tongue device. You and your partner would each have one and if you used it it was supposed to mimic a kiss, lol. I don’t think it ever got very successful. Lush, however, is quite popular and Lois was definitely interested.
She told me to turn on the webcam, put on my red dress, my stilettos, some foundation and to insert the vibrator.
Once I got to insert the vibrator I was suddenly worried. What if it wouldn’t go in? Was I still capable of doing this? I thought back to when Lois had said: “If I tell you to insert the vibrator you will, so there’s no need to worry.” Yes, yes, it’ll be fine.
It hurt a lot to push it in but it didn’t hurt once it was inside. Then, of course, I’d forgotten to turn it on and had to take it back out… ugh. (I later found out that I could have turned the vibrator on with the tip that’s sticking out!)
I created a link through which she could have unlimited control of the vibrator and sent it to her. Very shortly after, she turned the vibrations on. It was so strange! The idea that she was controlling this toy almost didn’t make sense. When I mentioned it, she remarked that she’d been controlling me for a while now. Fair point, lol.
She told me to move to the other side of the room so she could see my entire body from head to toe on webcam.
Lois: “Are you feeling a little awkward standing there?”
Me: “Yes Mistress, quite awkward.”
Lois: “It is quite awkward for you.”
(Loads of emphasis on the ‘awkward’ huh.)
She told me I would stand there for some time and all I could say was “Yes Mistress,” while thinking, … oh … okay… certainly awkward! And… how long for? What did I get myself into now?
Lois: “And I will look at every little thing you do.”
(thanks for that…)
I didn’t really know what to do with myself… but, of course, that was the point. She saw the things I did while feeling awkward and this made me feel even more awkward. For example, I tend to do things like scratching the side of my cheek or my nose or just randomly put my hand on my head for a second or something. (At least, I think that’s what I do. You’d have to ask someone else if that’s true.) But then every time I did touch my cheek I was super aware that I had and felt embarrassed.
However, I was already, quite immediately, heavily rationalising so I could cope with this situation. When I moved my arms, for example, I’d think, well, of course it’s awkward that’s the point so there is no need to feel awkward about it.
I think I felt most awkward about potentially not standing straight or my expression. Another thing was that I couldn’t really stand still on these heels.
I felt very vulnerable and exposed.
She told me to move my legs as close to each other as I could.
Lois: “That is how a woman stands in heels.”
By then she had turned the vibrations on and off a few times. I felt more awkward when the vibration stopped because it made me wonder when it’d come back.
Sometimes there’d be some silences… As I said, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. At least when she was telling me things I had some sort of distraction. But when it was quiet, all I could do was look around the room. I cannot keep my eyes still when I’m nervous. I’m pretty sure I changed whatever I was looking at every two seconds. Then, later on, my glance seemed to naturally settle on the poster on the left wall and read the words written on it a million times.
She asked me if I thought that if I avoided looking at the webcam it would make it easier for me to forget that I was being looked at. Naturally then, I started looking at the webcam… It kind of felt like I had something to prove… I wanted to show that looking at the screen didn’t make me feel more awkward.
She also asked me if I thought this was a waste of time. Funnily enough, a year or so ago, I would have definitely thought something like this was a waste of time but I didn’t think it was now. I was following her orders and pleasing her so of course, it wasn’t a waste of my time.
Now, every time she turned the vibrator off I could feel my pussy throbbing, wanting more. I felt quite good through it all. Same old story; serving gives me peace and allows me to feel good. It’s funny because I guess that means that feeling awkward, in this instance, was part of the reason why I felt good right then.
Lois: “You stopped using your left arm to scratch or touch yourself.
You only play with your thumb now.”
A few minutes later, I’d also stopped playing with my thumb. I was standing still, apart from shaking a little from the effort it took to stand in the heels. I believe my darting eyes had calmed down a little bit too. Instead of changing direction every 2 seconds, it now seemed to be every 4 seconds. I was getting used to this. I had started coping and dealing with the situation.
She then stayed quiet for what felt like a long time and only turned the vibrator on for a brief moment twice. Every time she turned it on, I felt a little shocked and unsure how to respond until it started feeling nice and I again wanted more.
Lois: “You do realise that you are just a toy right now.
I am just playing with your mind because I can and like it.”
I felt slightly humiliated hearing that. Also happy because… she said she liked it. I really liked that she could just use me in whatever way she pleased.
She told me to take my left tit out of my dress. Just that one.
It felt a little embarrassing, but to be honest, by this point the discomfort of the heels was distracting me a lot. She had noticed and asked me which one was worse. She then told me to take one off and put the heel in my mouth.
I have to admit… looking back at these pictures now I feel quite embarrassed. More so than I did at the moment. (She sent me this picture on my phone as I couldn’t really see myself on the webcam. The window was too small.)
Now, the most embarrassing thing had become the way I looked… definitely due to her sending me the picture. She told me to wait like that until this position became as uncomfortable as wearing the two stilettos had been.
There were some more quiet moments… In the meantime, I started switching my weight from one leg to the other. I could either choose to stand on my tiptoes with my barefoot or put all my weight on it. Neither was ideal… Still, it was a relief compared to wearing both heels!
She asked me what could make this situation even worse for me. I mean… many things, probably? but… I didn’t know? Like… adding nipple clamps or a butt plug or hot sauce? (All the painful things I didn’t want.)
She told me to stack four large books on top of each other and put them under my heel and to move my legs closer together, again.
Did I deserve this? she asked. I had to think about it for a second. I wasn’t being punished… I hadn’t done anything wrong… I mean, it wasn’t about deserving it in this situation, was it? It was about serving her; it was about her pleasure, not mine.
Eventually, this new position started to feel as uncomfortable as it had been while wearing both heels.
She told me to put the heeled foot on the carpet and the other one on the books…
I hadn’t realised that this position would have been worse. Well, it definitely was. It became bad very quickly and my legs started shaking visibly.
Lois: “I want to see you suffer.”
(I can’t describe how her saying that made me feel)
Me: “Yes, Mistress.”
Lois: “Stand up straight, slave.”
(Again… these feelings!)
She told me to pull the skirt side up and the other side down, and to pull my knickers down to above my knees (I’d been wearing them to stop the vibrator from potentially coming out).
She sent me another picture and then she told me to replace the books with the kettlebell…
Lois: “Now that is torture.
I love it.”
Whyyyy! Why did I leave my kettlebell in view for her to see? Why did I have one at all? It’s not like I use it, really. Although I should, lol. And how did it catch her eye??
It was really hard and painful to put my weight on the kettlebell… I tried testing out my different options. I could either put an equal amount of weight on the kettlebell and the heel (which was impossible because it hurt way too much to put my weight on the kettlebell) or put all my weight on the heel, which was also impossible because… because… aaahh.
Lois: “You look very silly doing that.”
(Thanks… I’m glad you’re enjoying it…)
(I mean, it did make me smile/blush a little reading it.)
And then the kettlebell fell and I had no other way to put it up than to lean down and put my floor on the floor…
Had she allowed me to put my foot on the carpet? Of course not…
She told me to get my teeth clamps and binder clips/bull clamps for my nipples as a punishment.
I had to put the teeth ones on my nipples (SHE GRANTED ME THAT! I’m so grateful she didn’t make me put the bull clamps on my nipples!) and 4 of the bull clamps on my breasts, around the nipples.
I had honestly forgotten how much my nipples hurt when any clamps are attached. The thoughts that were going through my head were: these aren’t even the really bad ones… yet it’s burning… it’s burning already!
I could not comprehend the pain of the 4 bull clips. I was just like: Ignore. Ignore. It’s not there. Ignore. Ignore… It’s definitely not burning… at all…
Lois: “Back on the kettlebell.”
I mean I wasn’t surprised that I had to or that she said it. But I was still very disheartened that I had to get back on.
Lois: “Legs closer together.
Knickers up over the knee and stand straight slave.”
It’s that wonderful feeling of sinking deeper and deeper into submission… while also feeling very much unable to cope and therefore feeling very, very aware of the pain. And there are the thoughts of I can’t do this any longer… I can’t do this any longer… But I have to. I have to.
She told me to really embrace the pain. To let it in and to breathe it in. She told me that this is what I could give. That my suffering should give me great happiness as it is one of the major assets that I can offer.
I tried. I really tried to embrace the pain and for a little bit it kinda worked… but it’s kind of hard when all you want is for it to stop.
Lois: “You are going to take your tits in your hands
and squeeze them to show me how much you want to be in pain for me.”
… She didn’t just say that? Right? Honestly, I cannot describe the sensation of pain these damn clamps cause me! Well, how much did I want to be in pain for her? Could I even do this? Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad…
If you were watching this on a television screen this would be the point where the screen temporarily crashed because that’s what I felt like happened to me when I squeezed my boobs. It was so painful that I didn’t manage to truly, really squeeze them entirely… so, of course, as the good slave I am (can I say that about myself?) I felt like I had to do it at least one more time, but better this time.
As I did it I think my body must have sort of bent forward a little bit. I might have made some noise? It felt like tears welled up in my eyes, although I know that didn’t happen. It also felt like the entire nerve system in my body got hit at once, somehow. As if some shock ran through my body, from my toes to up the top of my head and it caused another crash of my system.
I was shaking. My sweat had gone cold. I didn’t know how to cope. I wanted to squeeze my boobs another time. The second time hadn’t felt good enough either… but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.
She let me stand there for a little while. By now, I was only staring at one direction and I’d let my vision blur out a little as I was so focused on trying to keep on standing. Then she asked me if I would like to put both heels on and if so why.
Me: “Because I feel like I’m going to lose my balance, Mistress.”
Just looking at her message brought me further off balance. I was shaking so badly and losing the strength in both my legs and feet; I had been using my arms to keep my balance. They were sort of… meant to serve as like the wings of a plane, I guess, lol. I had hit the bookshelf behind me twice when I almost fell backwards. It must have looked so stupid.
Lois: “Is that distressing?”
Me: “Yes Mistress, because I’m not allowed to come down.”
The distraction of speaking to her caused me to fall forward and onto my knees.
I stayed there frozen in place and unsure where to look, unsure of what to do and afraid of how she was going to punish me now. At the same time, I was more so ashamed of having fallen down and that I hadn’t been able to keep standing like she wanted me to.
(Although… Chances are she was waiting for me to fall? Right? That’s how sadists work?)
Lois: “What are you doing?”
She didn’t have to say anything else. That was my cue to get up. I stepped back onto the kettlebell…
She asked me for an appropriate punishment but I had absolutely no idea; I was too engulfed in my shame for having fallen in the first place and I didn’t know how to make up for it.
Lois: “If you don’t know I will make one up.
Aaaaaahhhh. I didn’t know. Was this bad? For me? I mean it had to be? Right? And was I a bad slave for not knowing how I should be punished?
She told me to put the second heel back on. I came down from the books and could not put any more weight on the foot that had been in the heel all this time. I turned my back to the webcam and faced the wall to hold onto it. I took a few breaths and put some weight on my heeled foot to try and lift the other to put the heel on. I had to stop. I tried it a few more times and stopped again. Then when I was literally in the middle of managing to do it she said:
Ok, does it work?
Your ankle too painful?”
It wasn’t my ankle, it was my foot. Like, the toes, or something? I knew only my ankle would be a valid reason not to do this. And I knew that I could have done it just then, so it was possible.
Me: “I can manage Mistress.”
Lois: “Good slave.”
(I took some pride in that, hehe.)
Lois: “Legs together. Stand up straight.”
She told me to move to my right and turn 90 degrees. (I have no idea why. Maybe it gave her a better angle?) Then to pull my dress down and put my tits out.
At that moment, my flatmate knocked on my door. I had told her 3 hours ago that I was going to have some fun (to which she had said: “My exact same thoughts! Me too!” aka she was going to use her vibrator.) I had also said to not walk in until I’d said I was done but obviously she thought I was only masturbating, with which she apparently (she told me later) finished very quickly, which to be fair, I do too if that’s all I’m doing. But she didn’t come in. She only shouted “I’m leaving now!” and I tried to say in return: “Okay. I’m… I’m sleeping?”
Lois: “You do not have time. You are being used.”
(I know, I know, I just didn’t want her to come in!)
Lois told me to send her a selfie.
Lois: “The punishment for sitting down is that you are going to pull off all 4 of the bull clips without opening. Then you will attach them again in exactly the same place.”
(I didn’t sit down, I fell! Losing balance… you know… Or maybe she meant that I stayed sitting down for a while after, oops.)
When I started trying to pull off the first one I stopped halfway through because I could not deal with the pain. How am I going to do this? I thought. I can’t deal with the pain. It’s too much… But I have to. I have to.
So I tried another clip first. I bent over forward and squatted down on the floor in response to the pain. My body was still and again, shaking.
The pain is such an overwhelming feeling? Like you want to grab hold of your breasts to dampen the pain or something but you can’t because the pain is on the inside. Like burning acid or a flame getting bigger and bigger and burning everything in an instant.
3 more? Really??
My response to the other 3 was very much the same… But once I’d done the first one I sort of pushed through the others, though the last one was so so painful and it took me a good 30 seconds to recover and stand back up.
And then they had to go back on…
One didn’t want to go back on, It kept on slipping off. I tried it like 8 different times and every time it became more painful to try again. But Lois said that if I couldn’t get it back on, I could pull another one off and put it back on again.
I didn’t think I could cope with that… and then at once, I managed to get it on.
I felt very relieved that I had managed and for a moment the relief overshadowed the pain.
Then she told me to put the dress back on and back was my pain.
Lois: “Now sit in front of the cam and try to make yourself cum.”
At some point in the middle of me trying she told me to take off both nipple clamps, which hurt like hell and made me temporarily fall backwards from the pain.
This session was about 2 weeks after I sat on the edge of the table. My clit and vagina didn’t feel entirely numb anymore but clearly, they hadn’t entirely recovered yet because I couldn’t get enough buildup… It just wasn’t happening.
She told me that I didn’t have to cum if it wasn’t working and that it was meant as a reward for me, really; then added that I’d done very well today.
It was over… phew? Yes! I’d made it.
Two of the bull clamps were still on while two had fallen off by themselves. I did not enjoy taking off the last two but it’s not like I could or wanted to keep them there either. The bleeding mark had come from the one that didn’t want to go back on. She said she was impressed by my dedication and that I should wear the wound with pride over the next few days.
I don’t know if you ever noticed in my pictures that I have this little stripe on my boob. That was caused by this clip. lol.