Swallowed Up
“Night is good. Appearances lose their meaning and get swallowed up by the darkness.” – Yoite, Nabari No Ou
Tag: depression
No Way Out
“Is there no way out of the mind?” – Sylvia Plath I didn’t have any words to express myself so I took a picture instead. Xx ML
Holding the Strings
Content warning: Depression, dissociation, self-harm, suicide I have a lot of discipline as a slave and a person. Rules are important for me in an M/s relationship because they set Continue Reading →
Chatting while put in pain
Previous Post | Next Post You’ve already read a post about how I got to deserving to call Lois my Mistress but I realised that I forgot a bit about Continue Reading →
Kinky Fantasies to Help me Fall Asleep
For as long as I can remember I’ve been bad at sleeping. My parents quickly concluded it must be because my dad is a poor sleeper and that I inherited Continue Reading →
“Fuck you” | For a fleeting moment, at peace at last
Previous Post | Next Post Content warning: bad mother-daughter relationship 21 March 2019 21:06 Mum sent me a message and I replied and she replied and then I just said, Continue Reading →
Yearning for Rules
We all think of our exes sometimes. Some have left a bigger impact than others but I believe the end of D/s and M/s dynamics generally leave a bigger, longer-lasting Continue Reading →
Old Ghosts Return
Content warning: dissociation, depression, suicidal thoughts. Before Covid-19 I walk into my Counsellor’s office and as we sit down we’re both smiling. There is a small, awkward silence; we never Continue Reading →
Deserving to call her Mistress
Previous Post | Next Post As you know, I’ve always referred to Lois as Miss Lois because that’s what she told me to address her as – that is, for Continue Reading →
Sweaty hair sticks to my face and I feel alive
I have been exercising on a weekly basis without a break except for summer holidays since I was around five years old. My parents thought it was important for me Continue Reading →
Should I tell my Counsellor about D/s?
As you know, I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was about 13 years old. I saw a psychiatrist for a little while when I was 16, but when Continue Reading →
Utilising My Body
I was always a slim child. I loved running around, playing sports and I also dressed like a boy. It wasn’t a fashion choice as such, it was simply more Continue Reading →
Which one is Real?
Trigger warning: depression and suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I slip into it so slowly that I don’t notice I have changed at all. I am aware that I’m not feeling well Continue Reading →
Are You There?
I’m not here. I’m not here anymore. I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you right now. No. I’m not here. I’m not. ‘I can’t…’ be here I’m not Continue Reading →
Triggering Dissociation with a Task
Previous Post | Next Post I have written about my dissociation in the past in My Mental Illness: Depression and Dissociation and written a guest post attempting to explain a Continue Reading →
“You Can Breathe” | Letting go and Moving forward
April 2015 I can describe us with an endless list of songs. I can see her in everything she has ever talked about. She used to be my first thought Continue Reading →
Reclaiming Agency over Depression, Eliminating Bad Habits like comfort food
Depression has a lot of invisible to the outside world side-effects that I imagine people often feel ashamed about, and therefore walk around with it alone. I know I felt Continue Reading →
Coping with the Upcoming Holidays
Halloween has passed and somehow that means it is now time for Christmas, starting on the 1st of November. THAT IS 54 days until Christmas day. It essentially means that ‘we’ dedicate almost 2 months to Christmas. 2 MONTHS! That is how much ‘we’ all love Christmas, but I’m not one of the people that does… Continue Reading →
My Mental Illness: depression and dissociation and their relationship with my slave identity and kinky lifestyle
I have been following the site of Sex Bloggers for Mental Health for a while, intending to follow one of their writing prompts but forget to / am too busy Continue Reading →
M/s Dynamic to Help Manage Depression
I struggle quite a bit with depression and often wrote Miss Lois when I was doing poorly. She wasn’t always there to reply and I didn’t expect her to. It was just nice to have a safe space to leave my thoughts, I guess. In the night, I had been sending her messages about how I was feeling. Then in the morning, she came online and asked me how I was doing. Continue Reading →