Rethinking Identity and Capitalisation within BDSM
In BDSM, it sometimes appears customary for dominants to assert their dominance through capitalisation, elevating themselves with ‘Me’ and ‘Mine’, while submissives use lower case letters like ‘i’, overriding normal grammar rules. While I respect the choice of individuals to do so, it sometimes feels tricky for me to navigate within Femdom. As a submissive this would automatically mean I am ‘i’ or ‘mila’ but Continue Reading →
When the Mind Forgets but the Body Remembers
Trigger warning: This post discusses childhood sexual abuse, trauma and suicidal thoughts. Please do not read if this might be a trigger for you. In the middle of May, I had a brief conversation with two people about my hard limit on vaginal insertion. While I might choose to engage in it with someone I’ve developed a strong connection with, it often takes time. I Continue Reading →
Starting Slave Training as Whisper the Pony Girl
As I stood naked in the room with my legs strapped and my wrists tied to my elbows, my mind fought with the thought of looking at her as she walked towards me. Am I allowed to give in now? Do I look pretty enough? What if I turn out to be hugely disappointing to her? I stole a glance at her. Did she smile? Continue Reading →
A Caning by Mistress Baton
My introduction to caning The first person I ever met on the Scottish Scene was an older male rigger who suspended me upside down from my ankles. It was a tie he’d never tried before and I don’t know what I was thinking. I wanted to engage with kink so badly and felt so anxious to go to a party that meeting a stranger to Continue Reading →
Rope Bunnying for Rabbit
Two weeks ago, I drove down to England for a spanking shoot with Sarah Stern and thought it might be the perfect opportunity to meet Rabbit in Manchester since it was essentially on the way. I’ve been following Rabbit on Twitter for a while because she seems to be a masochist in ways I can relate. Her content is exciting because she gets up to things Continue Reading →
Encountering a Sadist
I had a spanking/caning shoot the other week for which I had to travel two hours down South. It was a fun day with genuine smiles but it happened to be one of those days in which my skin felt pretty sensitive. Some days I’m just not into pain. I know, shocking, right? Well actually, these last few months, I’ve barely felt like I want Continue Reading →
Birthday Brats and Power Play
Over the last few months, I have regularly worked from Skadi’s home on one of the weekdays. There’s a blackboard in her kitchen and after one of the first time I’d been over, she invited me to leave a message. Skadi doesn’t just invite anyone into her home and likes to use the blackboard as a reminder that she’s loved and has many meaningful connections. Continue Reading →
Missing Consent
Content warning: unconsensual sexual touching. When he started touching me in the morning, my first response was to ask him what time it was, sort of grumpily, as if to say I wasn’t feeling up for this right now. It didn’t stop him from touching me. Confused and unsure of what was happening, my sleepy mind tried to make sense of the situation. I had gone Continue Reading →
Calling Red
The party at which Mistress used the nipple bucket clamps on me is the longest one I attended without going to bed. It started at 10 pm and we left at 4 pm the next day. I got to play loads and had a great time; people even got to take shot glasses from my vagina. At one point in the night when most people Continue Reading →
Surprise dildo show
A few weeks ago, I knew Mistress would briefly pop by on her way home so I made sure to shower and clean the dishes. I had no idea when she was coming, so I thought I might as well do the vaginal training early (by which I mean 3 pm, as opposed to 10 pm). I put a towel down, set up my phone Continue Reading →
Bratty with Skadi
I was incredibly anxious on the evening leading up to New Years. I can’t tell you exactly why but I wished I could skip this date. On normal days, at least there’s no pressure. I was with my friends in this beautiful, safe space that feels like home to me and yet my mind was ruining it. When I was sitting in my bed with Continue Reading →
Serving drinks from bucket nipple clamps
A few months ago, Mistress said she’d seen a pair of nipple clamps with small buckets and was very interested in getting them. When I went online to buy some toys for myself, I asked her where she’d seen them, thinking I could buy a pair. Unfortunately, the shipping costs were more expensive than the clamps themselves and I said that we might have to Continue Reading →
Feeling Seen
Since January, I’ve been back in a bad sleeping cycle and nightmares have been plaguing me. For a little while, I thought it had gotten better but I’ve had to start wearing my football tops again to mitigate night sweats (pro tip, if you’re waking up from sweating excessively at night). As a result of my worsening nights, I’m struggling to start my day and Continue Reading →
The first time Mistress used her Strap-on
On Sunday, I finally got to see Mistress again after a little over two weeks. We celebrated the holidays separately and by the time New Years came around she was unlucky enough to catch Covid again. As a result, we didn’t speak as much as we usually do either, so I was very excited to see her in person again. On Saturday, she suggested 3pm Continue Reading →
Examining my vaginal training progress
As you may know, Mistress gave me the task to train myself to be able to insert vaginally. I have been doing this task daily for almost two months and managed to go up quite successfully in dildo size. I’m genuinely surprised that I’m being successful. I can actually move a dildo inside of my vaginally without pain, even if the initial insertion still hurts. Continue Reading →
Becoming Mistress’ Christmas Tree
Content warning: needle play. Two years ago, I published a blog post on this site about dreading the holidays. This year, I am relieved to say I am feeling rather different. I am spending Christmas in the UK with my friends at the manor, just like last year. Whereas last year, The Baron and Bella invited me since circumstances were so strange (lockdown) (of course Continue Reading →
Testing the Leather Cane
I went over to Mistress’ flat the other day when she told me with a glimmer in her eye that she had bought a new toy. I asked her what it was and she said it was a stick. “A cane? But we already have a cane?” “Not this kind; I’ll go and get it for you.” Her excitement partly scared me and was otherwise Continue Reading →
A Sneaky Picture at my Graduation
Last week I had the pleasure of attending my graduation ceremony in person. It was the first graduation ceremony at my University since the pandemic and I’m very lucky it coincided with the end of my degree. While I knew it was going to take place, I didn’t know if I wanted to attend for a while. If you’re a regular reader of my blog Continue Reading →
Daily Vaginal Training Task
About two weeks ago, I started a daily vaginal training task that Mistress has given me. As you all know, I don’t like vaginal penetration and tend to avoid it if I can. Insertion generally hurts me, no matter how small the object. I would never even use tampons for example and I think it’s save to say I probably have vaginismus. Mistress likes things Continue Reading →
Proud of calling her Mistress
In my blog posts, I have mentioned before that I sometimes struggle with addressing Roxy as Mistress, because I second-guess myself and wonder if I’m really allowed to. Or, whether I’m a weird person by saying so. In recent months, I have mostly overcome this struggle and always reply to questions with the appropriate title. However, I’d become so used to also calling her Roxy, Continue Reading →
Becoming Mistress Roxy’s Birthday Cake
In the lead up to Mistress’ birthday, she mentioned that she had always wanted to put birthday candles on her human slave. I didn’t understand how it would work, as I couldn’t envision the candles staying upright. And so she explained that we’d use needles of course, and that I was going to be her human birthday cake. The thought filled me with joy because she Continue Reading →
Sleeping Next to Mistress in a Cage
A week or so ago, Mistress and I stayed in Kent for a little over a week with our good friend Lady Amber. We were there to do sessions and have a catch up, which included watching several horror movies at night. I ended up feeling ready for bed far earlier than they did, however and so I asked if we could sort the sleeping arrangements. Continue Reading →
Trying out Naomi’s Paddles
Naomi and I were sitting outside on the porch with a blanket shared between us. It was the late evening and everyone was tired. There had been a fetish party the night before, but Naomi and I hadn’t really seen much of each other. During the day we intended to take a bath together but in between cleaning and harvesting vegetables we didn’t find the time. Continue Reading →
Surprise Visit
On Friday morning I had a video call with Dilan and Roxy, and not long after we finished, I went to the shop. The store in question is less than a five minute walk from my flat and when I walked back into my street I thought I saw Roxy’s silhouette at the end of it. I thought about it for a moment. Surely that Continue Reading →
Task 10: Cook for yourself
Previous task “Cook yourself an elaborate and delicious 3 course meal of your choice. Find recipes for me to approve if it’s elaborate and special enough. When you eat it, wear something nice so you feel good.” A poor diet When the day came to do this task, I felt a massive dread to execute it. I’ve been struggling to eat healthy over the past Continue Reading →
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