It had been about two months since I saw Roxy last when she came over to mine. I had really been looking forward to seeing her at my place again (and had already planned my lingerie outfit for waking her up in the morning) but unfortunately, we didn’t manage to make it happen. Instead, she said we’d go to a dungeon and that she’d take me out for dinner after. Does that class as a date? A kinky date maybe? What even is a date exactly nowadays? I’ll just refer to it as one for convenience sake.
A few days before the Sunday she called and said she said she wanted me to bring my wand, to wear a dress with a rope harness underneath and heels (not too high). She told me to practise walking in heels and to use ankle cuffs, which did not give me any confidence whatsoever to wear heels out, lol. She texted me the address and then the anticipation started. And first up on my mind was the dress.
What Dress Do I Wear?
Sexy but not whore-ish she’d said. Mhm… I think I only have casual or end-of-the-year-football-meal dresses, which caused me some concern. It surprised me because over the last year I thought my wardrobe had everything I needed. Then again, I never really went out for dinner in this sort of setting. So then maybe… I had this one dress that was maybe a bit too far out there but on the other hand, I had this dress that really just didn’t fit the bill. I weighed up the options in my head, thinking about the, “I’m hard to impress,” Roxy says sometimes. I decided that the risk would be worth it over disappointing. Then I realised she’d told me to wear a rope harness underneath.
When she said it on the phone I hadn’t thought much of it; I’d worn rope harnesses underneath clothes quite a few times. A dress, however, especially when tight is not the most effective at hiding rope underneath. Rope harnesses also tend to use the neck and have patterns above the breasts, which again, doesn’t work great with dresses.
The dress I picked is one I got just before I lost about 8kg. One of the reasons I feel less confident wearing it (apart from that it seems too far out there) is because it feels too big on me (I mean it has a zipper, which I do not need to open to put it on). You can’t tell but it just doesn’t hug my body as much but for this occasion, its size seemed perfect; maybe this would help me hide the rope. I started wondering if Roxy had decided I should wear a dress with a rope harness on purpose, knowing it’d be difficult to hide. The thought amused me but didn’t quite solve my problem; I was freaking out over this in anticipation, which turned into good nerves and so I started looking for a chest harness that didn’t show much above the breasts. It took quite a few google searches but I found one!
It’s called the butterfly harness and is much more complicated than it looks. I found it on Shibari Study, which offers a free 7-day trial. The harness seemed perfect because the only rope that went around the neck was positioned exactly where the straps of my dress would be. I figured I could use my thin red rope because then the colour would match the dress too. My red rope was drying on Saturday as I used it for the crotch rope task the other day, so I tried it out with purple instead. Unfortunately, the harness needed more than one 10m rope so I had to add another colour. As you can see, the rope pattern that shows through the dress could be mistaken for being part of the dress.
I felt kinda victorious that this worked out, thinking: hehe! I beat you in this task because I have successfully hidden the rope! (Dunno if this was on her mind at all or only playing out in my head but I felt pretty happy with myself.) While I thought it would be easy to recreate the harness the day after it still took me 40 minutes. It’s a little frustrating to tie this on your own but the tutorial takes you through the instructions clearly and split it up in three parts. Roxy had said she really liked my new blue one so I figured I should use that as the second one.
I matched the rope with teal panties to complete the ‘lingerie’ part of this outfit, I suppose.
I also wore a black cardigan to help hide whatever else was left visible of the rope and had my backpack to carry the wand, which took care of the big knot on my back. And to be honest, if people saw a little bit of the rope I kind of didn’t mind. By Sunday I was too excited to see Roxy.
I wanted to wear my block heels but they are dark purple, which does not work with a red dress. Other heels I have are… stiletto type heels – three black pairs each with a different size heel (thank Lois for that). I guess it had to be those heels then, never mind I don’t feel particularly wearing any of them; they also feel too far out there.
I made some improv ankle cuffs with rope and started walking up and down the kitchen. I surprise myself whenever I walk in heels again because it doesn’t feel like I’m that bad at it. I certainly feel like I have balance; enough to walk in them at least and this eased my anxiety. However, I wasn’t sure what Roxy had wanted me to change about walking in them then. I think I’m really stiff because I tried really hard not to show any movement whatsoever for my entire life because I did not want to draw attention. Thus there’s no smooth hip movement and I actively need to tell my arms to move. But whatever; by Saturday evening I thought this was just what it was going to be and there was no point being anxious about it.
Naturally, I googled the address she’d given me. I was relieved to find it was only a 20-minute bus ride away from me (or bicycle ride, which I would have totally done if I was in the Netherlands lol). Google maps showed me I had walked past the location quite a few times so therefore I didn’t think it would be super difficult for me to find. However, I thought it might be a good idea to check out the city centre (since I just moved here) and while I was there have a look at how to get to the right place. After all, if I knew my way there I’d have to feel less anxious about the dress I was wearing.
I have learned certain ways to manage my anxiety and sometimes that includes a lot of preparation. It probably seems like a lot for many of you but it’s worth it for me. And because of my preparation on Saturday, I didn’t feel nervous at all on Sunday. Instead, I looked forward to it. I was really looking forward to seeing her again after about two months.
I’ll tell you how it went in another post.