I woke up early from sweat-inducing dreams so I took a shower this morning, then tried to pass time playing with the injury on my lip (I will write a post about my lip sometime). Waking her up with breakfast felt less awkward this morning. Her lips curled into a smile again when I whispered good morning Mistress and when she opened her eyes I could tell she liked what she saw. I was wearing a red bra set with garter belt and stockings, currently my favourite that I feel pretty confident wearing. Somehow we got on the topic of crazy families and as she told me about one, looking me in the eye as you do when conversing, her eyes every so often briefly glanced at (I assume) what I was wearing. I was greatly enjoying myself and I think I’ve realised I love being on display for her.
She started arranging things in the living room and I went to get the wand and an extension cord. When I returned, she pointed at the floor, indicating for me to kneel; it was the first time she’d actively done so and it made me feel rather submissive.
Her demeanour changes in these kinds of moments and I know I’m expected to obey. She very slowly removed my bra and brought the nipple clamps while the voice in my mind was saying: no, that bra was specifically meant to protect my burning nipples. I braced myself and it hurt to have them attached but it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. She loved pulling at the chain. I own the exact same clamps, which were one of my first toys, bought because I liked the idea of being pulled like that. When she removed them, she immediately sucked on and bit my nipple right after, which was an interesting sensation and not too painful as I’d imagined.
She explored my body a bit more, giving me another sensual experience then said: “I don’t know how often you’ve worn things like this…” Oh no, I thought, immediately embarrassed and amused. “…but usually, the panties go over the straps so they can be taken off easily.” My initial feeling was wanting to sink through the floor, but I very quickly embraced my embarrassment instead. I enjoyed feeling it, which is only possible because I feel so comfortable with Roxy now. And, she said not to worry because she’d fix it, of course, ha.
“You know why I don’t own a collar?” I said.
She smiled and had a glimmer in her eye; her mind wondering how that could possibly be true yet knowing I spoke the truth.
“You’re just saying that so I’ll like you even more.”
She got up and told me that I’d have to braid my hair when playing in the future so she could use it to pull me along. “Yes, Mistress,” I said. It was only during our play today that I started feeling a bit more comfortable saying it. Today, she made do by gathering all my hair in her hand and pulled me up, pausing midway because my ankles had to come back to life.
In front of the table
She took me over to the table where she tied my right hand to the top of the right table leg, my left hand to the top of the left table leg and my feet each on either side on the bottom of the table legs. The implements still on the table were my riding crop and her two single tail whips.
Had I ever been hit on my back? Nope, but now that she mentioned it I remembered I’d always wanted to try. She started with some gentle slaps of the riding crop, switching between my butt cheeks and back. Pretty soon, she switched the crop for the first whip. “Now, I really like these and I’d be very disappointed if you couldn’t take them at all.” It made me smirk, though I was a little apprehensive as I’d never felt a whip before. When she hit me I was surprised to find it felt quite pleasant. This one delivered a stinging pain but it was far more pleasant than a cane.
Since this one was fine, she swapped it for the black one which had quite a small knot at the end. She had told me about it, saying I believe, that others enjoyed the whip but that she didn’t as much (on herself). As soon as she hit me with a harder stroke I felt like a brick had just hit me. The impact of the whip felt a little delayed like it would touch my skin and cause pain two seconds later. It meant I didn’t get the chance to recover before the following hit. The impact made me wonder if my body was able to take this at all, wouldn’t my bones collapse? Maybe I need to have more skin. That would have been nice.
I felt relieved when she went back to the other whip but because of the other one, this one hurt more now. I struggled but when she said she was going to give me 10 more with the nicer one and 5 with the other it was suddenly over so soon. Though following the fifth and final hit my body curled forward. It’s like you’re momentarily balancing on a tight rope and you don’t know if you’re about to plunge into the depths or keep on standing.
On the table
For the next scene, she tied me on top of the table with my hands next to my head and my legs tied together with a wand in between. The table, by the way, has one leg that is literally no longer attached to the table so I had to lie very still and not wiggle this time.
She turned on the wand then took my cane, which I had not used before. Shit, the cane. You know I really don’t know if I like canes. They’re certainly something. And the hit on my thighs was certainly something incredibly painful, like fuck.
She switched between caning, playing with my nipples again (and re-attaching the clamps), as well as using ice and also pushed the wand against my clit a lot. When she did I truly did try to stay still but could not help myself when it became too sensitive. It caused me to lift my legs up horizontally in the air and as they hung there I thought: I could definitely keep on going and flip my legs backwards then roll but that’d be a terrible idea because my arms are stuck to this table so I guess I’ll contain myself. Then I thought: this was probably not what she meant when she said I should keep still.
This scene is a little blurry to me but I know she caned my front thighs and feet and vagina (with the tiny cane) and kept on doing it for longer than I’d expected. Imagine that with every hit you see a colour and as several hits start to follow, the colours start to merge until your vision reaches black. We didn’t quite get there, but that’s how I envision an experience like that. My body also wanted to get away from the cane.
In the moment the physical response is automatic. When you feel pain, your body tries to make it stop so my legs either moved to the side in an attempt to avoid the hit or I curled up like a ball, protecting my legs in a different way. But being able to take pain is a mental thing. When a child falls and scrapes his knees he cries but when you scrape your knee as an adult, you’re unlikely to; it’s the same injury but a different mindset.
I’m really interested in exploring pain and limits. In the heat of the moment, I felt like I had to protect my legs but that doesn’t necessarily mean it lines up with what my mind wants. My mind is morbidly curious. And pain, in any setting, can to some extent be controlled by the mind. And so I also liked that she went on longer than I expected her to. It was the first thing during our play that weekend which I hadn’t fully anticipated and it allowed me to let go for a moment.
Under the table
For the third scene, she told me to clean the wand (my doxy) and also get my other wand. She said she was going to tie me under the table and blindfold me and that she would watch me making myself orgasm with the wand. I wondered if this was because it seems to be tricky to make me come and then thought of how embarrassing it is having to orgasm in front of her!
She added that if it aroused her she would take the nicer wand (the doxy) and sit on top of the table and make herself come. I immediately thought that it couldn’t possibly arouse her to see me come because with a wand I had to keep really still and focus, which also means I’m dead quiet and kind of like a statue.
When I came (which felt pretty good and then instantly turned into burning because this goddamn wand has the burny sauce attached to it) she told me to keep my wand there and she got up on the table. She made a lot of pleasurable noises and I really enjoyed just listening to her pleasure, noting she would have probably liked to see that in me.
Afterwards, she said she was able to see us both because of the mirror on the other side of the room and the knowledge made me feel more submissive again, as I’d thought I’d been hidden once she got up on the table. She untied me and we hugged for a little while, then took some pictures of my marks.
She had to start packing after this and I made us another lunch. We had an hour left and enjoyed the sun in the garden. She asked me how I felt about pet play, “because you have such a secluded garden.” Erm, haha. I did order a tail a little while ago, but its shipping got delayed due to Covid.
I can’t wait to see her again.
It makes me smile knowing she marked the empty canvas I photographed for her the other week.
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(Children aren’t more sensitive to pain than adults notes Katherine S. Salamon: “There’s not a physiological or a biological difference in how kids or adults feel pain. Rather, it’s in the expression of that pain that you see a difference.”)