Following my previous post ‘Feeling like a good slave: elastic bands and candle wax,’ the following new rule that Miss Lois instilled might not surprise you. She had been very set on trying to make me see my purpose and to find some peace within myself, as I often felt depressed and then felt like I had no reason/purpose to exist. So she set this rule:
Miss Lois: “‘As long as I can be useful to someone, even in the future, I have a purpose.’ This is your slave motto. Whenever we start a conversation, you type this after saying ‘Hello Miss’. I don’t want you to copy-paste it. I want you to memorise and write it. The punishment for forgetting will be you peeing in the toilet and slurping some of the wee from the bowl.”
She asked me how I felt about the punishment. I thought the punishment sounded absolutely disgusting and it made me feel like “shit, I definitely cannot forget this.” I also thought that is I forgot, I would deserve the punishment.
SO OF COURSE, I forgot to say it the first time at the start of our next conversation because I’m stupid!
To be fair it was 9 AM (I need time to wake up) and when Miss Lois comes online I’m so inclined to respond as fast as possible that I just… didn’t think about it…
I didn’t even realise that I hadn’t said it though. I didn’t even realise it when she copy-pasted what I’d said about how I felt about the punishments two days ago. I just asked: “What about that, Miss?” Then she copy-pasted her setting up the rule and then it clicked… oh… oh shit.
She had to go then though and came back online the day after. I had asked why she had picked this specific punishment and she said it was because she thought it was a harsh punishment necessary because it was an important lesson to learn for me (I mean, she wasn’t wrong.)
She didn’t have much time that day either though and asked me if I wanted to do the punishment soon and alone or if I wanted to wait to do it while she was there. I thought about it for a bit and told her that I didn’t know what was best. Then 1.5 minute late said I thought I’d like to get it over with.
She then also said that she thought it would be best to get it over with so that it’d be out of the way. So she told me to take a picture of the empty toilet, then me peeing, then one of the pee in the toilet, then of me putting the pee in my mouth, then having the pee in my mouth and then after spitting it out again. She also wanted me to write a report after and to include the pictures.
She left and I thought I would do the task right away, but felt too dizzy from a lack of sleep and went back to bed for 2 hours first. But then it was time… Here’s the report that I wrote at the time:
“I had been dreading this and at the same time, I think the thought has also been slightly arousing because it feels degrading. It’s also nerve-wracking because… it just is. But then when I got there it started feeling insane so I felt like laughing at myself. I wasn’t sure how to take a picture of me peeing… I look way too happy for what I’m about to do… and way too happy for having this punishment, but I tend to laugh about my own misery and it seemed ridiculous to be drinking from a toilet so… I did feel miserable about it, I promise.
Then I realised I could take a picture of me peeing like this. And there it is… the pee.
I actually felt rather relieved after peeing because I really needed to go. Lol. That’s a detail you probably didn’t need to know. And then I saw my pee and I felt dreadful because… eh. I was thinking: when was the last time this toilet was cleaned?
I thought it might be a good idea to hold my hair so I got a hair tie to put it in a ponytail. I know I’m still smiling on the picture but my eyes are saying: I am not happy and I dislike whoever has put me in this situation (aka me, lol).
After getting the hair tie I was thinking: Ew, what am I about to do? What have I done? Why did I get myself into this situation?
I felt a bit hesitant going with my head into the toilet but that feeling didn’t matter. I just had to do it.
I actually struggled to figure out how I would be able to… you know to reach the pee because it is actually quite far down. Also, I put my bottoms back on because literally dripping because of period right now. I’m sorry, however. I will redo it if you want a naked one. There was no other way to take this picture. This was the best I could do while slurping it up.
What did it feel like? I don’t really know. Weird. Gross. Degrading. Embarrassing. Although the latter two weren’t that strongly present because I had just put in my mind: okay I’m doing it. It’s fine. It’s totally normal. I hadn’t done that on purpose, my mind just… does it?
After coming up out of the toilet I thought: mhm…. Lovely… this is…
How did I feel? I felt… em… gross. I didn’t taste anything though, just the idea was gross. And then I worried about the picture, because how can you capture this on camera? I tried to take a picture where you would be able to see the pee water inside my mouth but it wouldn’t capture it.
So… I went down a second time to get more to see if that would make a difference because I wanted to make sure I did it right… (Spoiler alert, it didn’t make a difference for the picture lol.)
The second time felt as disgusting, especially because I slurped up like 3 times as much as the first time and the pee water going inside my mouth, it’s a very disgusting idea / degrading and… yeah. But… it was okay. I had to do it. This was my punishment. I felt like I deserved it.
Then I spewed it out… and how did I feel? I think I felt… Ew. What have I done? But also… I’ve done it… I’ve …. I cannot say that sentence it’s too embarrassing to be … proud? Of that lmao, what.
And then I thought it would only be appropriate to brush my teeth.
The reason why the title of this post says “Part 1” is because I ended up forgetting to say the phrase at the start of one of our conversations a second time a few weeks later. I’ll post a post about that one too, as the punishment changed a little and became worse. In fact, I forgot a third time too, after which the punishment was taken to a public toilet… yay. So stay on the lookout for those posts! They’ll be posted in order of date like the rest of the posts, so it might be a little while.