Read the first instalment Punishment: The day I drank out of a toilet
Lois: “You were up early”
(She meant this morning around 5 when I’d been on my phone to have a break from dreams for a little while)
Me: “Morning Miss”
Lois: “Did you have bad dreams this morning?”
Me: “No one tried to choke me this time but it was stressful anyway.”
Lois: “Never a night without nightmares?”
Me: “I only call them nightmares if I wake up screaming, gasping for air or if they have spiders in them.”
She asked me if I’d been abused as a child and added that abuse can happen through negligence. She had asked me this before but I didn’t believe I had. New recent insight has made me realise that I was at the very least a little traumatised by my father’s anger outbursts. When I was home for Christmas, he answered a question of me in the tone he used to have just before he’d burst out into anger. I had an instant breakdown and fled upstairs. Suddenly, his footsteps and breathing sound that I could still hear made me shrink in fear. So maybe there is a lot of unprocessed stuff from my childhood that cause these dreams. Anyway…
Lois: “The punishment for not saying, ‘As long as I can be useful to someone, even in the future, I have a purpose,’ will have to be more severe this time. I hope you will understand.
Shit, wait, what?! I forgot?!
I scrolled to the top of our conversation and to my horror, didn’t see that sentence at the start of our conversation.
Here’s a little refresher:
Lois had been very set on trying to make me see my purpose and to find some peace within myself, as I often felt depressed and then felt like I had no reason/purpose to exist. So she set this rule:
“‘As long as I can be useful to someone, even in the future, I have a purpose.’ This is your slave motto. Whenever we start a conversation, you type this after saying ‘Hello Miss’. I don’t want you to copy-paste it. I want you to memorise and write it. The punishment for forgetting will be you peeing in the toilet and slurping some of the wee from the bowl.”
Okay, wait. Did she just say the punishment had to be more severe this time? No, what, that’s not fair! After the last time, she punished me for forgetting I swore I’d never forget it again because it wasn’t a pleasant punishment at all. It felt really gross and one thing I dislike is things that are gross. So naturally, I said…
Me: “I understand Miss,” followed by, “I’m sorry, I can’t believe I actually forgot. The difference this morning is that I woke up from an alarm rather than just waking up”
Lois: “Don’t worry, I will help you make up for it.”
… that doesn’t sound good.
Me: “Thank you, Miss.”
The ‘new’ punishment
“This time you will put on a thong, tights, a white top. You will drink a lot of water. Then you will go to the toilet. You can clean the toilet beforehand. You will wee through your thong and tights, then you will soak your hood in the toilet until it is dripping wet. You will then completely wet your hair in the toilet and then put the soaked hood on.
After this, you will take a mouth full of the piss from the toilet, stand up, look up to the ceiling and slowly spit out the piss so it runs down your body and soaks your top. Then you will lick the rim of the toilet with your tongue at least once all the way around.
Afterwards, you’ll go to your room, sit down and write a handwritten report of the punishment. You will take a picture of you and the report and you will sit in your room until the hood is dry. Then you will clean your clothes and yourself and then type the handwritten report.
You will take a video of the action for me so I can see that you have done it correctly.”
I had to read what she had written a few times over and there were a few things that stood out to me. Soaking the hood and my hair in the toilet and putting the hood on afterwards sounded horrible… Not the least because it’s gross but also because I hate being wet. Taking piss from the toilet and dripping it over myself wasn’t something I was looking forward to either, nor licking the rim of the toilet… ugh. And worst of all, I wouldn’t be able to clean myself right after like I’d done last time, plus I’d stay wet and cold. And of course, the report had to be handwritten… fuck me for forgetting the phrase 😭
Yet, I was wet. I was getting aroused when I read it and started dreading it. My breathing had quickened a little bit while reading it.
Lois: “Do you know why you are wet?”
Me: “I must like the idea of being embarrassed I guess, Miss?”
Lois: “Tell your friend in your own words what you have to do.”
Of course… Of course, you want me to tell this to my friend. (I do tell my friend everything but I often wait like one or two months to tell him after a task so the embarrassment has settled, or something haha.)
Lois: “You are wet because you are going to do something you find unbelievable you will and you realise that I gave you an opportunity to push yourself. I gave you an opportunity to show you your worth.”
I am really good at turning anything someone might say into something I like better. Like my friend and I often had a sparring match with arguments and words which could be about something completely random which had no bearing on anything.
For example, my friend once talked about how he wanted to play a team sport but hated being social and so instead he would hang out with our flatmates. We’d talked about this before and by now it had become more of a joking kind of topic because it wasn’t going to happen at this moment in time. Anxiety is real. But anyway, in response to that I’d point out that this was being social, also. And he would say, yeah, but this is a different social so I’d ask what the difference was. He noted that he knew these people, so I replied with how, if he were to go to the team sport he’d know those people too, saying, “so you should go, right?” And he’d be like “ummmm…” followed by my, “alright, sorted! Glad we settled that.”
The point was not at all to get him to go or feel bad about it, we’d long talked about that stuff. The point was simply to. Well. Look at the picture. This is the kind of humour that lives in our friendship.
Well, Lois definitely liked to turn the conversation and meaning of things into something she liked better too as you know, doing this gross stuff in a toilet was an opportunity…
Lois: “It makes you happy that on one side you know how extremely embarrassing and humiliating the task is. And on the other side, it makes you proud and feel safe, as there is no question in your mind that you will do it the best you can.
The punishment will help you to remember, as it is another example of how much you are able to do and how good a slave you are becoming.”
She was right… of course.
Report of the task
Here’s the digital version of the report I wrote at the time. You’ll notice I am not really starting sentences with ‘I feel’ ‘I am’ ‘it is’. Instead, I’m just like… ‘Cold.’
Around 1.30 PM
Wet hair is the most uncomfortable thing. It just keeps on dripping on you. Cold. Wet. Hate it. Preparing this was… or waiting to do it was… I just wanted to get it over with. The, ahem, wonderful thing of this hood is that you kind of have to smell the (pee-stained) hood. Except I can breathe through my mouth now.
Would it be more appropriate to put the thong that I pissed on in my mouth? (See… I don’t know if taking that initiative now would be stupid or good? So what if I do it? Feels like cheating, you set out the rules. Why would I add to that? but would it amuse you if I did? Would you have added it to the task if I had thought of it this morning? I’ve taken the liberty not to breathe through my mouth anymore. Do I think I deserve it? Should it be a part of my punishment? I feel like I deserve it but it would change the final picture so I’ll just make sure to only breathe through my nose as a compromise.)
Why did I go off on this tangent? Because the main thing – apart from feeling cold – is this continuous smell that my nose can’t really escape. Also, it is just very wet around my neck and chin… and wet hair. Very uncomfortable.
So. Erm. For some reason, peeing when you need to on command / when someone is ‘watching’ just doesn’t ever work out. I definitely had to keep, I had been drinking a lot of water but it didn’t want to come out. (I’m very cold.) So I peed in like little segments or something. It felt gross dipping the hood in it. I didn’t want to touch the pee with my hand but that is pretty much impossible when you have to soak a hood.
It was really hard to get my hair wet. The basin is kinda small so did it twice. Tried to touch the water with the top of my head, which worked out. Then feeling the wet hair… hate. I hate the wet dripping. I just hate wet hair whether covered in pee or normal water.
I hesitated when putting the hood on. (My toes are absolutely freezing) I can’t remember how it made me feel putting it on. It was problematic taking piss in my mouth because my head doesn’t really fit in the toilet enough to reach the pee with my mouth. So. Had to literally suck some up as best as I could and then did it again because I wasn’t sure if the amount had been sufficient.
The second time spitting it out slowly seemed more successful and actually reached my top. Licking the rim of the toilet was just like… ok. Stop thinking don’t smell. Just do. #disgusting. (am starting to shake cause cold) hair is still dripping on me. Feel like I need to pee again.
Also licking the rim, one part was definitely cleaning stuff leftovers from my attempt to clean the toilet before doing this punishment. So I first finished licking the rim all the way around and then quickly brushed my tongue only because licking up chemicals can’t be good. The hood feels dry everywhere except for around the mouth. The smell though… and I am cold.
To be honest with you, I can’t really remember this punishment very well. I remember the first one better but thank god I wrote a report that will help remind me forever, lol.
I took a long bath afterwards and teased my friend for a little while, lol.
After I fulfilled my punishment, Miss Lois asked me if she could upload some of the pictures on Fetlife, which, of course, she could.
Lois: “I enjoyed how well you executed it.
It was a punishment and I hope you learned your lesson.
But I did enjoy seeing you do it.”
Me: “I definitely think I have learned my lesson Miss (hopefully)”
Lois: “Next time it will be a public toilet.”
Me: “…There won’t be a next time. I won’t forget Miss.”
Lois: “Very well.”
Spoiler alert, I did forget it again…
Xx Marie Louise
Read the first instalment Punishment: The day I drank out of a toilet
Lois: “Do you agree that a public toilet must be the next time if you were to forget?”
Me: “Seems like the logical next step Miss… I should’ve learned the lesson by now so…”