Last week, Roxy and I brought another visit to the dungeon. She’d given me the task to braid rope into my hair in preparation and handed me a bundle of impact toys and rope to take to the playroom upstairs. It felt a bit ridiculous carrying these, not least because I was holding my own tools of torture but also because there were too many items for me to carry. Up in the room, she took the toys and started preparing while I awkwardly fumbled with the snap hook she’d attached to my wrist cuff at the start of the evening. She then came closer and told me to undress. I felt incredibly aware as she watched me and my fingers kept failing to reach the zipper on the back of my dress. She was making facial expressions that said to hurry up but for a moment I forgot how to undress. When I finally managed I shyly laced my fingers together in front of my naked body.
She took me with her by the leash.
“You know what’s going to happen,” she said, holding my gaze in the way only a Domme can. I had only vaguely taken in the rest of our surrounding. There was a large overhead box-shaped frame with two weights placed in the centre of the floor, which meant my vagina was about to be in a lot of pain. I don’t know if I nodded or said something. I was taken by her look. It felt like she had me exactly where she wanted me to be and I slipped into submission.
She pointed at the floor in front of the weight and I must’ve been so caught up in my joy and excitement that I didn’t register what it meant until she vocally expressed that I should kneel. Oh, right, of course! “Now I want you to kiss the weight,” she said. Kiss it? Like… kiss it? I glanced up; hesitated. “I want you to kiss it,” she repeated as she put emphasis on each word. Okay… erm… right… So I’ll lean forward and kiss this weight, which is humiliating… and how do you even kiss an object? Is what went through my head as I placed my lips against the weight’s cold surface. “Do it again,” she said. My kiss wasn’t very convincing. My downfall here is that I got caught in a cycle of thoughts, which prohibited me from simply acting as it put me closer to being human ML, rather than slave ML. How do you even kiss an object? This makes no sense? How do I move my lips to make this work? She told me to stop after the fourth kiss.
I took a small step back and she crouched down in front of me. She announced she was going to tie a harness, mused over it and realised only the crotch rope part was necessary. She came up behind me and proceeded to tie one while pulling me against her in between. I remember kisses and touches and bites. I never enjoyed being bitten in the past but I felt so much desire when she was putting her teeth into me and pulled me closer. (FYI, no, I’m not into vampires.)
She told me to get up and time momentarily slowed as she took me to the attachment point. A little bit of anticipation settled in and while I’d had the experience before it was hard for me to imagine what it’d be like this time. She lifted the weight and held onto it (just one at first).
“Now take a step back.”
I did as she said without taking my eyes off her. I felt confident I was able to do this.
She dropped the weight and I grimaced as it got caught on the rope. She looked at me and two thoughts simultaneously ran through my mind. One: This hurts, shit why did I express so much interest in crotch ropes? Two: I can do this, this no problem at all, why do you look at me like I’m about to be in a lot of pain, I’m not that easily defeated! I’m certain I was smiling and couldn’t stop myself from smiling because I definitely enjoyed the situation.
She wanted me to take another step back but it was more difficult compared to last time. I don’t know if it was because this frame was solid and the rope didn’t have any slack, but Roxy had to help me by lifting the weight.
“I’m going to let it go.”
“Uhu,” was all I knew to say.
I briefly closed my eyes in response to the pull. It’s an interesting sensation. To be honest, the pain just excites me. But as the rope started cutting more into my crotch, I naturally started bending my knees to relieve some pressure.
“Straighten your knees,” she said.
With a pained expression, I obliged.
Roxy cuffed my hands together on my back and attached the cuffs to the rope in my hair, which pulled my head a little backwards. She then came over with a small flogger in her hand, which looked somewhat like this. Oh no, what’s that going to be for? Its small size seemed specially designed for a vagina, or in other words for my vagina. She held me while I watched her hand come closer. I involuntarily moved when she hit my vagina. The pain shot through me and before I could recover she struck it again. I shrieked a little. With every new blow, I pushed my legs closer together. I tried to wriggle myself out of her grasp and she had to stop.
“Open your legs.”
I felt so aroused when she said it but also dreaded its implication. What if I… can’t? I thought. Then corrected myself. Of course, you can, it’s not about you. Reluctantly I did as she said. I was winning myself some time by taking just a few seconds longer.
I jumped backwards on the next blow and my crotch was caught by the rope, making me slightly cave in on myself. I felt Roxy’s hit, then the rope’s pull, then the next blow. I couldn’t stop my involuntary response get away and it caused the rope to feel like it cut right through my vagina. It was as if I was playing against two opponents at the same time. Whenever Roxy hit my clit I thought the rope was better but every time I got caught in the rope I hurriedly moved back forwards. “Stay still,” she started saying several times. It was hard to fathom which of the pain was worse and it felt impossible not to move, either away or onto my toes with my knees bend. Roxy stopped.
She walked to the bench with impact toys while my glance followed her across the room. I was catching my breath, gathering myself. She picked up my favourite impact toy. She undid my wrist cuffs on my back and clipped them to the ring of my collar in front instead. Then she moved to stand a few steps behind me. I really like the sensation of being hit on my back. It’s weird, really, because at the start it doesn’t feel as sensitive as being hit on my bottom or perhaps it’s that the sensation is more interesting.
I didn’t move or respond much when she started hitting my back and it honestly just felt really pleasant. It never lasts long though; the shift in pain comes quite quickly and once it had she decided to change my favourite toy for her favourite instead.
“I know how much you like this one,” she said as picked up the designated whip. I sort of half laughed in acknowledgement, while she slowly walked back over. I had all the time to anticipate (by which I mean dread) the whip she was about to use on me now. It’s a tool I actually struggle to take and I both hate and like that it’s her favourite.
She started hitting me slowly and immediately air already escaped my lips.
“I’m only warming up,” she said.
I tried not to squirm or respond too strongly.
“I’m really not hitting that hard.”
I know, I know you’re not, damnit! I don’t know what it is but there just doesn’t seem to be any cushioning on my body that can soften these blows. I’ve said it before but when this whip hits me it’s as if a big rock has been catapulted into my bones.
I groaned when she hit me harder and she paused. “Every time you move or bend your knees, you’ll get one hit of this.”
I swallowed as I tried to recompose myself. Well, fuck me.
She dropped the whip and picked the flogger for my vagina back up.
Okay, don’t move; don’t move; just don’t move. I took a deep breath and made my mind go blank while I tried to keep as still as possible. The first hit was alright and the second stung like hell. After the third, it became just one big pool of painful sensations and my entire body clenched in a desperate attempt to stay still. There’s a sort of trick to being able to hold out, which really is just holding your breath and pretending that you’re not currently being hit. It works for a significant amount of time but we all know that once you go under you have to come up for air and sadists don’t stop until you do. The pain came crashing in, in threefold and I pulled away.
Roxy made a noise of disapproval and swapped the flogger for the whip.
I closed my eyes for a moment; cursed at myself. I listened with pointed ears.
When the whip hit me, it felt like an explosion in my mind of static noise. As much as I like to keep quiet, I don’t think I successfully can when it comes to this tool. One hit is fine though. It’s agony at the moment but it doesn’t leave lasting pain.
Next, she took out the wand and remarked how it was the question which one of us deserved it more. You definitely deserve it more, is what I wanted to say but wasn’t what she thought based on how she came my way. Without any delay, she pushed the wand on my clit and any of my determination to stay still went completely out of the window. Pleasure or pain? Let’s put it down to too much pleasure for me to cope! You’re killing me!! She seemed very entertained.
“Are you close?”
Note to Roxy I cannot orgasm when I’m in too much vaginal pain.
She said something like how she was happy to just make it more sensitive in that case. I kept squirming and tried everything to get away. Finally, she stopped the wand. She walked away from me, looked me in the eye and pushed the weight so that it took a swing, which painfully caused the rope to pull at my very sensitive crotch.
I grimaced as she took a step another step and slowly moved from the left to the right while trying to hold my gaze. “You’re holding that weight very, very well.” Uhu… uhu… “So much that I could lie underneath it…” Uhu… where are you going with… “…and you wouldn’t drop it on me.” My glance shifted between the mouth the words had come out of, her eyes and the swinging weight that was pulling on my vagina. “In fact,” she said slowly. “I might just do that.” I didn’t know what to say. I think I nodded. “You understand the gravity of the situation?” Yes, yes I do! and internally that line made me laugh because of the gravity of the situation, ha! Under different circumstances, I might have made a clever remark.
She lied down with her legs spread and the wand in her hand. She looked incredibly erotic, bit her lip and seemed to tease by saying: look at me! She then kicked the weight and my glance shifted over as it moved. She started playing with the wand and I looked at her again, but then the pain pulled me back to the weight. I really wanted to look at Roxy but I couldn’t help but follow the weight swing from the left to right every time she gave it another push with her foot.
But every time I looked back at Roxy it seemed as if she’d been waiting for me to look over. She looked incredibly pleased and aroused and it gave me my own shivers of pleasure.
“Straighten your knees,” she said as the weight pulled me forwards by its swing.
She announced she was going to attach the second weight now and all I could do was nod because I didn’t know how else to respond.
“Take a step back.”
I did so slowly.
“I’m going to let it go now.”
Our eyes locked. I nodded.
I flinched when the rope dug even deeper into my vagina.
Well, this is great. This is fine. What’s one extra weight?
Roxy went back to flogging my vagina and with the added weight it became so much harder to stand still. It’s hard for me to remember when she did what but I think she switched between using flogging and spanking me with her hand, stimulating me with the wand or her fingers and hitting my back. It became increasingly harder just to keep on standing. Two weights weren’t just heavy; it felt like I wasn’t heavy enough to hold them up and like I was being pulled forward instead. “Straighten your knees,” she kept saying. “Stay still.”
“You’re going to receive just five more of this one,” she said at one point, referring to her favourite whip to hit my back.
It’s a lot easier to manage when you know how many times she’s going to hit you. But on the fifth, my body still curled up in pain.
She said how I didn’t seem able to manage two weights in a way that sounded like I should be able to carry both. There were a few times when I took half a step forward because I’d been unable to hold the weight. I couldn’t stand back and keep my knees straight for longer than a certain time and it had literally started feeling like my body wasn’t heavy enough for these weights. To my relief and surprise, she took one weight off.
We then went back to flogging my vagina; one last test to see how still I could stay… Then suddenly, her fingers started roughly rubbing my clit. My body tried to jerk away but she trapped me from behind. I was forced to feel my arousal while her hand rapidly moved up and down. My mind tripped over the sensations. I need it to stop, please stop, I need it to stop. She slipped a finger inside, pushed my body tightly against her hand. My receptors were scattered all over the place. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted it to stop and was feeling pleasure or intense soreness.
Then a hit on my clit immediately made me decide it was definitely sore! As she went back to relentlessly hitting my vagina she said something along the lines of how I’d said I was especially interested in vagina torture. “You wanted this,” she said just before she hit my vagina particularly hard so that I moved to shield myself while shouting “Did I?!”
While I caught my breath, I wondered how I was still able to stand there; it’s around here that we stopped.
When she removed the rope I shrieked and made a noise that sounded like that of a wounded animal, prompting her to say with care and a little amusement that it was almost over. I knew removing the rope would have this effect; it’s similar to removing nipple clamps (though less intense).
We sat down on the floor and she asked me how I felt.
Like right now is the only place and moment I want to be.
And I have such a desire to keep exploring with you.
Today was the moment I realised I am indeed a masochist. As I was standing there with the weight hanging from my crotch I thought: Huh, I guess not a lot of people would do this and enjoy it? But I was smiling all the way throughout.