I never liked the idea of addressing a Mistress by any sort of title. It was one of the things I actively rejected. When I was 14-16, I used to read a lot of erotic stories on the internet and I disliked how in all of them, the submissives had to use titles to address their Dommes / as well as the names the submissives were given (like slut and such).
Lisa, the first female dominant person in my life asked me about this once and I rejected her ‘offer?’ to make me use a title for her. She was fine with it at the time, obviously aware of my inexperience and reluctance. (We never got to start any training, so this was never brought up again at the time).
As a result, I was still very reluctant and opposed to the idea of using a title and Miss Lois didn’t make me use any for several months until then one day she did.
It made my heart beat faster. I felt some sort of butterfly feeling but in some sort of anxious way. I re-read her rule several times before responding. I decided that I should give it a go. By this point, I felt like I could trust her. Additionally, I had previously made the decision to be trained by her, and therefore I felt like I should follow her rules and thus, I started calling her Miss without any further objections.
The rule was as follows:
- You will answer yes Miss or no Miss or okay Miss to any yes or no questions.
- You will address me with Miss in your first sentence to the start of any conversation that we have.
Now this doesn’t seem that difficult, right? But it actually is quite tricky if you’re not used to this at all.
You can be sure that I forgot to add ‘Miss’ to my yes or no answers quite often when this rule was first introduced… which sometimes led to small punishments (from pinching my nipples the first time) and harsher ones the longer the rule had been active (like the butt plug punishment) or much later when I forgot as well, she made me use the Chilli Pepper Pete’s Dragon’s blood XXX Ultra Hot Sauce on a wand pushed against my clit… (Read about that here).
I’m so used to using the title now though (which changed from Miss to Mistress eventually, of which I was quite proud because it was a privilege), that I no longer have to think about it. In fact, I start to think about it when I don’t have to use it, which I kind of don’t now. But also when watching porn (lol), sometimes the submissives do have to answer with yes Miss, or Yes [insert name] and they don’t consistently do it and it frustrates me so much, especially because they don’t get punished for it!
If this type of rule is also present in your dynamic, how does it work for you? And when it was first introduced, did you struggle with it?
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Honorifics were agreed in our dynamic from the start and I the only thing I address her as is ‘Miss’ which she loves! My other half liked either Mistress or Miss but for me Miss was what I wanted to call her for personal reasons and she agreed to it. To us honorifics are essential to the D/s dynamic it just wouldn’t work if I was allowed to address her by her first name, although I realise that D/s relationships can exist without honorifics it just wouldn’t work for us especially as she is much younger than me and I want to indicate her authority over me in everyday conversation. Mostly she addresses me by my first name or occasionally by my surname only or Mrs X (I have been married) when she is telling me off.
I totally get where you were coming from when you say you were struggling to use titles. They are not for everyone I guess but I believe the D/s dynamic is greatly enhanced by the use of titles and as you say you have earned the privilege of addressing her as Mistress because you are her slave.
Hope this all makes sense, love the blog btw Mila.