At around 9 pm, Miss Lois came online. We talked a bit about how I’d been doing. I was struggling a bit with my mental health, and eventually, she asked if I thought being in pain might help me feel better. I wasn’t sure, so instead of pain, she suggested humiliation.
She asked me to send her a picture of all my toys and then told me to secure the ball gag very tightly, and to then send her a picture.
She observed that I looked very down and said that she could either push me today or give me some time to re-energise or something. I wanted her to push me.
She told me to get a large bowl and a towel, to get naked, put on my heels and a white thong and put my hair in a tight ponytail. Then I was to squat over the bowl and piss through the thong in the bowl and to send her a picture before, while and after. She wanted the picture to include my face and the heels too. Then she added that she was very excited to see me do this, which made me excited and a little aroused too.
I was incredibly wet already by this point (as evident when I touched myself on her command).
Then I had to piss but… turns out I can’t just pee on command when I have to. I never have a problem peeing, ever, but I can’t do it when someone is watching or when I have to take pictures of it, apparently.
She tried to force it out of me by saying how I was a slave and that slaves do as they are told. Usually, when she starts demanding it immediately I am more likely to do it sooner. Yet… this didn’t seem to work now.
Then I saw a spider. A FUCKING SPIDER! In the corner of my room. It wasn’t a small one. I interrupted my task. I was… well…
Me: “Miss wait a massive spider
Miss Lois: “Are you afraid of spiders?”
Me: “very very very much
Miss Lois: “How big is it?”
Me: “idk like it
if you make a circle with your forefinger and thumb pressing together (I was attempting to describe it because I was too afraid to look at it and take a picture lol)
its moved out of sight
Miss Lois: “Where are you right now?”
“Me: on the bed
im sorry i have to
no fuck I can’t wake them up”
Miss Lois: “Calm down. It is not going to do anything to you.”
She then told me that I was now going to do what she told me to. No more time allowed to be scared of this spider that had disappeared out of sight. She told me to start masturbating, but I was allowed to do it on my bed (with my back pressed against the wall to keep an eye on the spider / to be as far away from it as possible lol).
I wasn’t allowed to orgasm yet, but I felt like I couldn’t have at that moment even if I wanted to. I clearly hadn’t been able to let the spider go.
I felt bad for it, but Miss Lois thought it was interesting, and quite a nice opportunity. For one, she didn’t know I was terrified of spiders (it had been the one thing I hadn’t told her because I was afraid that if she knew, she’d want to involve spiders at some point and I cannot. HARD LIMIT. But generally, people like hearing that you’re afraid because then they can start making jokes with fake spiders. It’s much safer to not tell anyone, as no one will get the idea to bring spiders to you.) So she was seemingly quite intrigued by my fear.
She asked me if I could see it but it was truly gone… meaning it could be anywhere right now… But Miss Lois ignored it and told me to get the bowl, the butt plug and the lube on the bed, and to try and piss in the bowl again.
I asked her how I would take pictures now that I was on the bed and the mirror on the other side of the room. She said that I’d find a way.
Miss Lois: “You are a slave, your personal fear of spiders is irrelevant.”
Well fuck me, I thought. Did she not understand how real this fear was? How was I going to… aah.
But at the same time, it felt like what she was saying was true and it make me feel good. My priority should be serving. And as I started obeying her and focusing on the tasks, I was able to slightly ignore the spider that was still somewhere in my room.
I wasn’t able to pee though. About two drops had come out. I didn’t understand why because I wanted to pee so why didn’t it want to come out?
She told me to insert the butt plug and put the painful binder clips on my nipples. As I tried putting the clips on, one of them slipped out of my hands, causing one of my nipples to bleed.
Then I saw the spider again and I had to try my hardest not to freak out and abandon the task again. I had to make myself pee!
I felt bad for Miss Lois… and guilty about how this task wasn’t exactly going as planned. And yet at the same time, my fear was so big. But Miss Lois didn’t seem to mind. She saw it as a great opportunity, really. I mean… how often does a task get interrupted by a spider which also happens to freak out the slave?
She said that this was a great situation, giving me the idea what it is like to be used as a slave when pain and fear doesn’t matter, and only my task and pleasing her mattered.
I still couldn’t pee. I asked her if I could remove the butt plug because it was making it harder, and I was allowed to if I first sent her a picture of it.
I started saying how if I could ask for any type of protection I’d ask to be protected from spiders. Miss Lois said how this was a great opportunity to prove myself and then I finally managed to piss.
Miss Lois: “Well done. Finally”
She then told me to take off the thong, wipe my pussy off with it, to then soak it in the bowl, take out my gag, put the thong in my mouth and the gag back on. It wasn’t pleasant… we were slowly getting closer to her getting me to drink my own piss, it seemed and I did not like the taste or the idea of it at all. It’s so disgusting!
I then had to re-insert the butt plug and was ordered to kill the spider with the towel. It was 1.30 am by this point.
I was… dead scared. I saw no possibility of putting a towel over the creature and squashing it. Even though that’d mean the towel would be in between me and the spider, I could not stand the idea of touching it like that.
She told me I was not to take out the butt plug, the gag or take off the clips until I had dealt with the spider.
I was sort of screaming without making a noise (not because of the gag, I just only tend to make that movement and leave the sound out? Idk, I’m weird) and this caused me to taste the pee / the thong in my mouth… Very unpleasant. The butt plug, however, came out because it didn’t want to stay in on its own, and Miss Lois told me to just leave it and focus on killing the spider. 10 more minutes had passed by now.
By this point, I was still getting the to the stage where I would be able to look at it, lol.
She told me to count to ten and if I hadn’t been able to look at it by then, to open one of the clips on my nipples and close it without moving it. And to continue doing this until I could look at it.
I felt like I was going to cry. I asked if I could use a shoe instead.
I tried to hit it with the shoe but I missed, making me even more afraid for the fear of the spider having moved. Miss Lois suggested I try the towel again, saying how I should be determined.
I suggested I should go numb so I couldn’t feel my fear, but she suggested I should embrace my fear. She said she loved that I was so afraid (that makes one of us I guess, lol. Although I love it when she says she loves things about me or the things I do.)
I sent another panicky stream of messages as I started trying to close in on the spider to kill it again. My fear kept on taking the overhand though.
Miss Lois told me I’d have 30 seconds until I’d have to open and close both clips.
I looked at the spider, thinking about how I had to do this as I could not cope with that pain on my nipples. I didn’t think I’d have the power to inflict this pain on me, as my nipples already felt like they were dying. Additionally, I knew that if I were to open and close them I’d be lying on the floor for at least 30 seconds, trying to cope. So I tried to get myself to the spider but I couldn’t. I honestly couldn’t. Every time I looked at it I felt cold shivers run through me, while my head felt fuzzy.
30 seconds had passed and she informed me I had to do it again, 30 seconds from now. This was then repeated.
Miss Lois then lost control over me because I was honestly too afraid and unable to cope with the clip task at the same time…
I threw a clip at the spider and it moved. It was 2 am by now and Miss Lois said she had to go to bed soon, which panicked me even more because that would mean I’d have to deal with this spider alone. At the same time, I couldn’t blame her, the spider had been here since about 11… and it still wasn’t dead.
I succeeded in killing it at 10 past 2. I tried to hit him and missed. He disappeared and then he started coming towards me and I fell backwards on the bed. I panicked. Sent some more panicky messages and then killed it with a roller skate.
I felt both terrified still, and relieved.
Miss Lois went to bed and I was allowed to take the clips off now, and the ball gag with the thong out.
At 15 to 3, my nipples and breasts still hurt a lot. They were burning far more intensely than when I was still wearing the clips. I settled on getting a wet towel and putting it on them to try and ease the pain. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep with this pain. It’s an indescribable kind of burning, which also feels different from normal burning. I thought it was very hard to cope.
Then at 10 to 4 I SAW ANOTHER ONE!!! Of the exact same size in another corner of my room and I wanted to cry. Like… literally wanted to cry.
I felt like I couldn’t deal with killing another one. I didn’t feel like my body would be able to cope with the stress. I rationalised it, saying how the spider would just stay in that same corner and not move and that I could deal with it in the morning. At 5 am, I decided to just close my eyes and try and sleep.
Then I started hearing a noise…
No, I thought. It can’t be. I must be imaging this. There is no way I would be able to hear this spider move. And why would it move anyway?
But I didn’t trust it so I turned on the light and the spider was crawling closer!!! He moved from the wall to the floor and started running towards the bed. I grabbed a shoe and tried to hit it as I actually screamed. I didn’t see it anymore. I lifted my shoe but saw no mark. Did this mean he wasn’t dead? If he wasn’t dead, where would he be??
After a while, I managed to find his body. Turned out I had managed to hit it, but I did not feel relieved. I only managed to sleep past 6 am.
In the morning, at quarter to 10 Miss Lois Messaged me. She said she was very impressed and proud of me for managing to kill the spider despite my anxiety. She also promised me that she wouldn’t use spiders against me.
Waking up to her message felt really good. While I hadn’t slept, and would have rather not had to deal with the spiders, I felt happy for a moment.
(c) Do not use any of the material on this blog, pictures or content for any form of publication whether fiction, film, psychological research etc. without contacting me and asking me for my permission.
Ps: this was the original report I wrote about this evening the day after:
I genuinely thought I would be able to simply pee when you gave me the task. The circumstances were embarrassing with the gag and the idea of peeing through the thong in a bowl. I did not expect this task and it had the same initial shock-like effect that I get when you give me tasks that push me.
However, I did think that I could do this and that it was fine, but apparently my body disagreed. It felt so strange and I felt helpless because I needed to do this but somehow my body wouldn’t let me.
Then the spider… I guess you figure that I genuinely panic when a spider is big enough (for me). I deal just a tiny little bit better with smaller ones lol. To be honest, it’s good that you forced me to focus back on the task rather than deal with the spider. I kinda thought that since I couldn’t see it anymore, maybe it had gone to its sleeping place and I could pretend that it didn’t exist. And this would allow me to focus on you. I kinda like and hate what you said, that the spider wasn’t an actual danger to me and only a discomfort and that therefore as a slave it doesn’t matter. I like it because I agree. I hate it because I cannot cope with spiders.
So when you said it my heart also sank because omg spider, spider, spider.
But when I managed to ‘man up’ enough, lol, to do what you said, it still took a while before I actually peed. The entire shadow panic seemed to overshadow absolutely everything. It took away all the embarrassment.
In my mind it went like: ‘I need to do what Miss Lois says’ and then ‘There is a spider. ignore. ignore. ignore it!! help what do I do?? Help.’
My nipples hurt so much. They already did after putting the clips on the first time. I did not know how to cope with the pain for the first two minutes. It felt much more sensitive than last time.
So when you told me to open and close them to force myself to kill the spider, it didn’t help me kill the spider at all. Instead, my body froze in place for probably all of the 30 seconds before you told me that I had to do it again unless I’d gotten to the spider.
The pain was so intense, so I would approach the spider, see it and panic, run away and hide, then panic about what to do.
I felt like… like I didn’t even know what was going on anymore apart from feeling this intense fear.
I felt disappointed in myself and felt like I had failed. I think you saying you had to leave and this feeling of disappointment is what forced me to push myself to kill it.