If you look at the pictures I put out now you’d never think I was scared of doing this once. You probably wouldn’t even think I was shy or struggled with my body image but until this last year, I would have never thought I’d be able to take any of the pictures I take now. I used to be a bit jealous of my friends because they were so free in taking pictures of themselves. I wanted to capture some memories too but even when players of my football team randomly decide to take a picture I’m the first person who’s out. So how the hell do I manage to appear so confident in these erotic pictures?
Constant pictures around the house
I always hated being photographed because I become self-conscious. Do I look okay? Am I standing straight? How do I smile and look comfortable? Wait why are you taking a picture of me- Snap. Too late. Picture my childhood and my dad with his camera in hand ready to capture everything. Even now, he randomly appears at moments that I definitely do not want to appear on camera. Like when I was dying from period cramps on the couch or in the middle of doing my hair and makeup or had just been rushed to the hospital because I couldn’t breathe. Mind you I looked horrible that night in the hospital. I had clay in my hair, wires all over me and was wearing bright pink crocs (they were his girlfriend’s and the first shoes available when rushing out of the house). As a teen, I started using pillows, doors, my hand or simply turned my back towards the camera to shield myself. Meanwhile, my sister would jump to the foreground, put her hand on her hip, tilt her head a little and smile. I hated the camera unless I’m the one taking pictures or so I thought.
Lois pretty forcefully (but consensually) conditioned this to change. She wanted me to appreciate myself more, learn how to pose and become more classy and the way to do that appeared to be through pictures. I wrote about the first time she made me pose as well as learning how to pose but it went beyond that. For over a year, Lois made me take a picture of myself to show her what I was wearing that day. She wanted me to smile in every picture, pose and make sure my hair wasn’t covering my boobs and after a while it became automatic. In the meantime, we started posting some of my pictures from during our sessions on Fetlife and months later I started thinking I didn’t look as bad as I’d always thought. Flash forward to now and 23-year-old ML seems like a distant memory.
Since the start of this blog I’ve become and more comfortable taking erotic pictures of myself. If you’ve been here a while you’ve seen the progression and can probably see the progression between the pictures I took during sessions with Lois and now. At the moment all I need is some lingerie and the pictures come naturally. I don’t have to think and it’s fun, which is probably why they come out the way they do. I think I started because I’d gotten a new outfit and Lois wanted to see it so instead of taking a selfie I thought I’d use my canon for once. Then when I’d taken the picture I thought why not try some others. I thought the dress leaned itself for my teasing nature and I ended up having a lot of fun. When Onlyfans came about I had an additional purpose to take pictures and by doing it over time it became easier, like second nature.
Modelling for someone?
However, while it seems easy to take explicit pictures of myself in my bedroom, I don’t know how well it’d go if I have to model for someone. There were a few occasions when Lois wanted me to pose for her on cam or take pictures of myself in the mirror while she was watching. When this happened I froze and couldn’t do it as if I’d forgotten how to. I was scared of getting it wrong and looking silly and my anxiety stopped me right in my tracks. But maybe that’s because she wasn’t giving me any direction and in a shoot, this might be different? I certainly think it would be different if it happens in a comfortable non-task-like setting with someone you trust.
I think I would really enjoy taking pictures with someone else because the quality we’d produce could be much higher than when I take pictures alone. If I don’t have to worry about the camera settings I can focus on my positioning more. I often have an idea in mind but executing it alone becomes rather complicated and when I look at professional alternative modelling pictures I can only dream of accomplishing that.
For more pictures, have a look at my Onlyfans!