“Would you like a slave name?”

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“Would you like a slave name? A name I call you?” Miss Lois asked me one day. Reading the question made me pause. I had always been resistant towards slave names and even addressing a Domme with Miss, but then this had obviously changed. I now liked calling Lois, Miss Lois. It made me feel good because I felt like she deserved to be addressed as such, and it also made me feel more like a slave. It was sort of a constant, welcome, reminder. But then, a slave name… Would that mean I’d have to part with my identity and take on a new one?

I told her I didn’t know and asked her if she would like it. Then before she could answer I sent her a “maybe”. She said to think about it- as in, think about it over the next few weeks, but even thinking about it then… my thoughts were jumping from “I don’t know” to “Maybe” to “I think so?” to “Yes?”  

But she had said that I should think about it and so our conversation drifted elsewhere that day and in the meantime, this idea kept on plaguing my thoughts. Did I want one? 

Do you like or would like to have a slave name or give your submissive one?

Soon, I realised that while I wasn’t entirely sure about my personal feelings towards this question, I knew that I wanted to have one because it seemed like the right next step. Giving in to this would be good. It could help me accept my identity as a slave, which is what I wanted. (It’s funny, isn’t it? Even if you are certain you want something you often can’t change it immediately.)

Additionally, once Miss Lois suggested something that I knew she’d like to see (such as using the hot sauce again) I’d start craving it even if I hated or was scared of the idea. She hadn’t explicitly said that she liked the idea of me having a slave name, but why else would she have brought it up. 

We started looking for names and she asked me what kind of names I liked. Well… let me tell you, I don’t tend to like a lot of names. (I do when they are other people’s names, but it’s different when it is about me.) Maybe that’s normal, really. We all identify with our own names and it feels like it’s our own, it’s a part of our identity. Parting with such is very strange. Just like as if you were to part from your nationality to take on another one. 

I think I mentioned my official name, Marie Louise, to her to explain why I don’t like a lot of names; I don’t know how my name was linked to disliking most other names in the world but alas. And suddenly she had the perfect name for me. Marie Louise. And I was like… … … (but I hate it…) (I just told you…) (this isn’t me…) 

She, however, had gone into one of those happily satisfied, feeling very pleased with oneself moods. 

Miss Lois: “It’s perfect.”

This had immediately stopped being a discussion. She decided and, the ‘optimist’ that I am (I’m really not) thought about it and concluded that this was actually kind of clever. My slave identity is hidden to the vanilla world and my official name is essentially removed from my normal life. The name was, to some extent, already part of my identity even if I’d rejected it but maybe it had a chance to be appreciated now.

She didn’t just start using it all the time now. Sometimes if she wanted to grab my attention (not that she didn’t already have it), or if she instantly wanted to make me feel more of a slave, she’d use it at the start of a conversation. Sometimes she would also use it if my thoughts started spiralling or if I had to be punished. She also exclusively addressed me as Marie Louise when talking to other people, such as my friend and when speaking to her Dominant friends. 

So this is where the ML in MLSlavePuppet comes from. Some people assumed that ML stood for Miss Lois, which until they pointed it out had never crossed my mind. It’s just a coincidence, a funny one, I guess, but both the name Marie Louise and MLSlavePuppet feel like they’re mine, with or without Miss Lois.

So how did SlavePuppet come about then? Like with the slave name, we talked about it and she asked me what felt right. I was very much against names like “slut” or “bitch” and all those other, what felt to me like degrading names. 

Slave, however, definitely felt right, for obvious reasons I guess. Although, it hadn’t been that simple. It took a long while until I started feeling okay with being called a slave and it took even longer before it actually started feeling good. It took me a long time to accept myself, I guess. But adding slave to the name felt truly right now. 

Because of my dislike for any other name, lol, Miss Lois came up with and suggested puppet. It made sense because I’m very obedient and thus could essentially be controlled like a puppet, I guess. Recently someone asked me if I would like to be tied up in some sort of shibari that would literally make me a puppet though, and that didn’t seem right at all. Although thinking about it now I’m sure Miss Lois would have found that very amusing, and if a Mistress would desire it, of course, my attitude towards it would change. 

Regardless of the decision for my slave name to be Marie Louise, I never really accepted it. As in, even if I wanted to accept it, it just didn’t happen. One of the reasons I didn’t like the name is because it seems to be too ‘big,’ too ‘orchestrated’ and ‘pretty’ for me. Recently, this has changed. It always feels a bit weird not using a name on here. I mean, yes, I use MLSlavePuppet, but I am also a person behind this blog and other bloggers use names. 

Now, it feels only right that I’d be using Marie Louise. It can be a pseudonym like how writers use one sometimes. Maybe that’s why I can on here, as I partly see it as a persona and partly as me and I expect that the more I use it, the more it’ll start feeling like me, rather than a persona. I don’t know if it will remain my slave name forever, but I kind of like it, mostly because of how it’s ‘hidden in plain sight’ in my vanilla life. I’m sure Mum would be happy that it’s finally used, lol lol. And lastly, by using it here it is inevitably linked to my slave identity, meaning that in the end, Miss Lois’ attempt to give me a slave name worked, I guess. 

I’m still going to sign these posts with MLSlavePuppet, but in conversations with people or comments etc. I’ll sign them with Marie Louise instead. And maybe I’ll end up signing the posts with Marie Louise too. We’ll see. Sidenote, Marie Louise is a single name. It’s french and doesn’t require a dash in between to make it a single name.

Xx MLSlavePuppet

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9 Replies to ““Would you like a slave name?””

  1. Never Waste a Dirty Mind

    Hi MLSlavePuppet,

    I found you from Pain Slut Lois’ page.

    I read a couple of your posts and then decided to go back and read all your posts chronologically. I have now caught up and wanted to write you a piece of fanmail.

    I find your blog fascinating. Of course there is the straightforward sexy stuff and you do take a good picture. But as I was reading your story, I found your journey of self-discovery much more interesting. You are very aware of yourself in the way you process new tasks, challenges and punishments. I enjoy reading about what goes through your head in each new experience.

    However, what I really wanted to tell you is how informative your descriptions of your mental health challenges and how you cope with the hand that you have been dealt are. Your posts about the disassociation that blanks out your memory of events, and how you had (have?) to feel for wetness to find out if you were (are?) aroused, give someone, who is lucky enough to not have to fight mental health issues, a glimpse into the world of having to cope with these things. I feel that I have learned a lot about what it is like to live with mental health issues from reading your blog.

    With all that, and a natural shyness and a desire not to draw attention to yourself, it would be so easy to wall yourself off from the world and live a solitary existence. But you don’t seem to do that. You interact with people online and in real life, you even trusted your instincts and was game to let someone tie you up the first time you met. That takes courage! Or stupidity, but I don’t think that is something you suffer from.

    I look forward to reading more of your story and I wish you happiness and that you may find a mistress who will own you and give you what you need for the next leg of your journey, as you explore and grow in your slave identity.

    Reply
    • MLSlavePuppet Post author

      Hi Never Waste a Dirty Mind,

      Thank you so much for your message. It really brightened my day and again today. It honestly means the world to me to hear that you find my journey and those blogs more interesting than pictures etc. not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I hope I can convey something more that has some meaning.

      And so it’s really good to read that I’m writing open enough about my mental health problems that you’re taking away something from it. That really touches me. (I feel my arousal nowadays but not all the time, so I still need to check sometimes. Though I am very aware of a moment in which I think I would be aroused, even if I don’t feel it, and then my wetness tends to confrim it)

      To be honest, that’s exactly how I lived my life for the first 16 to 17 years and then very slowly, step by step started to try and change it. I’m a big believer of doing something even though you’re scared. Fear should never prevent anyone from doing something. Thank you so much again for taking the time to leave this fanmail. And I’m wishing you a happy new year in advance!

      Xx Marie Louise

      Reply
  2. Never Waste a Dirty Mind

    Hi Marie Louise,

    If I may call you that.

    Courage is doing what you are scared to do. Without fear, there can be no courage. If you are not afraid to do something, then it does not take courage to do it.

    I admire you for taking that deliberate decision to change your life to be what you wanted it to be, instead of letting depression and fear control you. I know it cannot be easy, and I understand that others in a similar situation may simply not have the strength and courage to do what you have decided to do. Depression can be crippling that way. And I am not saying that they are to blame for their situation for not being able to find the courage that you have found.

    But I still admire you for what you have done.

    Happy New Year to you, too!

    Reply
    • MLSlavePuppet Post author

      Yes, of course you can call me that 🙂

      Thank you. I know that it’s not easy either but I have to admit I can’t stand and am annoyed when people struggle with it, contineously complain about it which puts a strain and a negative mood on other people but reject any help and don’t try to change anything at all. Though I know it is crippling and I know it’s hard and if there’s nothing people can do, then I don’t feel that way. It’s about trying though. A lot of people around me take for granted that I’m doing ‘well’ and then expect me to be their lifeline and don’t recognise how much energy it takes and reject doing these things themselves, almost as if it’s easier to keep on suffering sometimes

      Thank you ❤️

      Reply
      • Never Waste a Dirty Mind

        Hi Marie Louise,

        You say: “A lot of people around me take for granted that I’m doing ‘well’ and then expect me to be their lifeline and don’t recognise how much energy it takes and reject doing these things themselves”.

        When I started reading you blog, that is more or less how I perceived you. I noticed that you spend a lot of time playing football and other team sports. Things that require you to interact with other people. You were also on fetlife and collarspace. Again things that require you to interact. So my first impression was that you are a strong, outgoing woman without complications, curious about life and bdsm. I didn’t see your baggage. I saw you as the kind of woman who would have the emotional surplus to be her friends’ lifeline. The one with the strength to be the rock for those around her that struggle. Perhaps that is all your friends see? All you let them see of you?

        Then I read about how wearing heels and dressing ‘nice’ and drawing attention to yourself are challenges for you. Your struggle with heels at the airport being the prime example. That told me that everything was not just easy and care free for you. That you have some battles of your own to fight. In your first posts where you mention how you have to check for wetness to know if you are aroused, you didn’t really explain, so it mostly sounded weird and curious, but, once again, it suggested that there was more to you than met the eye.

        Then, finally, when you started talking about dissociation and the reason why you had to check for wetness, it became clear how much you are up against and how much mental energy it must take to keep it together and present that effortless facade to those around you, who, in return, reward you by thinking you can be their lifeline. Perhaps you can see it as a compliment to how well you keep it together that they perceive you that way.

        I see your point about people who complain and demand attention, but reject actual help and refuse to do anything themselves. Those who create an identity out of their misery. It must be frustrating to watch, knowing how hard you have worked and continue to work to not be one of those people.

        But perhaps you have received a gift along with your otherwise tough hand. The gift of having the strength to pull yourself up and out of that mental health quicksand. Because it is crippling and it is hard and many don’t have that strength. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for applying that strength constructively (I will pat you on the back for it as well, just so you don’t end up feeling all self absorbed). It is one thing to have the strength, it is another to have the tenacity to apply it.

        All this to say once again that my impression of you changed substantially as I read through your blog, as I wrote in my initial fanmail. And my admiration for you and how you are tackling your mental health issues is as strong as ever.

        I look forward to continue reading about your journey.

        All the best,
        Henrik

        Reply
      • Never Waste a Dirty Mind

        Hi Marie Louise,

        You say: “A lot of people around me take for granted that I’m doing ‘well’ and then expect me to be their lifeline and don’t recognise how much energy it takes and reject doing these things themselves”.

        When I started reading you blog, that is more or less how I perceived you. I noticed that you spend a lot of time playing football and other team sports. Things that require you to interact with other people. You were also on fetlife and collarspace. Again things that require you to interact. So my first impression was that you are a strong, outgoing woman without complications, curious about life and bdsm. I didn’t see your baggage. I saw you as the kind of woman who would have the emotional surplus to be her friends’ lifeline. The one with the strength to be the rock for those around her that struggle. Perhaps that is all your friends see? All you let them see of you?

        Then I read about how wearing heels and dressing ‘nice’ and drawing attention to yourself are challenges for you. Your struggle with heels at the airport being the prime example. That told me that everything was not just easy and care free for you. That you have some battles of your own to fight. In your first posts where you mention how you have to check for wetness to know if you are aroused, you didn’t really explain, so it mostly sounded weird and curious, but, once again, it suggested that there was more to you than met the eye.

        Then, finally, when you started talking about dissociation and the reason why you had to check for wetness, it became clear how much you are up against and how much mental energy it must take to keep it together and present that effortless facade to those around you, who, in return, reward you by thinking you can be their lifeline. Perhaps you can see it as a compliment to how well you keep it together that they perceive you that way.

        I see your point about people who complain and demand attention, but reject actual help and refuse to do anything themselves. Those who create an identity out of their misery. It must be frustrating to watch, knowing how hard you have worked and continue to work to not be one of those people.

        But perhaps you have received a gift along with your otherwise tough hand. The gift of having the strength to pull yourself up and out of that mental health quicksand. Because it is crippling and it is hard and many don’t have that strength. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for applying that strength constructively (I will pat you on the back for it as well, just so you don’t end up feeling all self absorbed). It is one thing to have the strength, it is another to have the tenacity to apply it.

        All this to say once again that my impression of you changed substantially as I read through your blog, as I wrote in my initial fanmail. And my admiration for you and how you are tackling your mental health issues is as strong as ever.

        I look forward to continue reading about your journey.

        All the best,
        Henrik

        Reply
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