About a year ago during summertime, I was visiting my mum for a few weeks who lives in another country. It’s unusual for me to be away for a long time but every time I was, I felt a bit frustrated because it meant I didn’t have as much freedom as usual to serve Miss Lois. However, she never saw this as a problem and often thought of creative solutions to make me serve her anyway.
Around this time, I was still very much getting used to the idea of being a slave. The idea embarrassed me, as well as still confused me a little bit. It also aroused me though, and slowly it started to feel more right.
So one day when Miss Lois came online, she told me to write the word slave on both of my wrists and keep it there till the end of the day. The idea was scary to me – my first thought was: but what if someone sees? Then I turned the idea over in my head and tossed with it until I felt capable to complete this task. (This often happens to me. Initially, a task might worry me and make me think like I can’t do it. But if I think about it for a while I figure out a way that would make it work for me, because doing what my Mistress asks me is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter how I feel about it.)
Writing it down was quite an intense moment in a good way. And at the same time, it was also really quick because really, how long does it take to write two words down? Writing it down though made me feel butterflies inside – a certain tension combined with arousal and a feeling of joy that came with admitting my true nature. It felt like I marked myself, which made me feel both proud to wear the word slave, as well as a bit anxious because I didn’t want anyone to see.
At the time, Miss Lois often told me to write a hand-written report of tasks afterwards, and so I wrote down how I felt doing this afterwards (and now I’ve typed up the report to put it here).
14.37 It is strange to have it on my wrists because I see it quite frequently and it’s very much there and visible, to me anyway.
17.10 Mum and I cycled to the city centre to visit some shops. Cycling was kind of fine as it means the arms are obviously facing downwards, mostly. My arms, however, are usually a little tilted when cycling because of my bike but I made sure not to do that today. However, despite there being absolutely no way for any passersby to see it, I still wondered if they might have if they looked my way. What did that make me feel? Just the stress to definitely make sure that it was hidden. Every time I wanted to move my hair or do anything that meant lifting my hands I felt self-conscious. Especially in regards to my mum because if she sees anything she won’t let it go until she knows what’s what. We went to … to return items my mum had bought. I kept my arms down my side for the entire time that we were in there. Then we went to H&M to return items I’d bought, which was awkward because handing over items opens up my arms/wrists? I was still more worried about my mum seeing it though, rather than anyone else. I don’t care much about strangers. I started filtering them out years and years ago, which only doesn’t work if I’m anxious. Plus if a stranger saw it, they wouldn’t do anything and if they thought anything I wouldn’t know so it doesn’t matter.
Afterwards, we went to the supermarket. I deliberately waited to pick something up an item until a stranger had taken his and left. I couldn’t figure out how to hold something in two hands (something in each) while also hiding it. It all felt so awkward. It especially felt awkward to put an item down in my mum’s basket because it literally feels as if she is staring at the word slave written on my wrists. It made me hate picking up anything. None of this made me feel particularly aroused though. I was too stressed trying to hide the words so I mostly just kept my arms by my side. We also went into some shoe shops in which reaching out to anything felt like a no – no thing to do. It’s weird because I can’t find a natural way to hide it. I probably moved my arms very awkwardly all the time.
17.35 Dinner with my mum and her husband… So how do I hold my cutlery without them noticing? Aaahhh
18.28 So… you do it by using your left arm to life the fork (since mum was sitting on my left and husband opposite side of the table.) I feel like they keep looking but surely they can’t see it right? Right??
19:41 I’m upstairs right now and I lifted something small with my right hand and then ended up staring at the word. For a second I only thought… well, it is a word. Then I thought about how the word makes me feel if I take of this filter. And it made me think of the word ‘slave’ and what it means. it also made me aware of my breathing and heartbeat and possible wetness that would probably be happening. (As I mentioned elsewhere, my body often knows that I am aroused before my mind does, so my wetness is the only accurate way to measure if I am aroused or not). Speaking the word slave ’out loud’ in my head and reading it off my wrists sends butterfly feelings through my body. I don’t want to look away from the word. I used to feel like I wanted to look away from the word slave. Now it only scares me slighty, but in a good way and it arouses me / makes me happy. It also makes me feel a little embarrassed and I think I want to touch myself now. Damnit. Is it weird that I almost wouldn’t mind wearing this in daily life if everyone was into kink? The longer I stare at both words, the more the feeling settles in. Where are my heels… (At the time, one of the rules was that if I got aroused/wet, I had to edge myself while wearing heels, but I wasn’t allowed to come.)
19.57 I do feel a little frustrated again. I’m beginning to long for things I don’t think I should.
20.40 FFS. Just went downstairs and ran into the husband and we started talking and I completely forgot about my wrists until 2 min later and I really really hope he didn’t see anything.
20.46 Do not enjoy sitting in the garden with them because they are not allowed to see ahhh. You can see it when I type on my phone and it is also too hot to keep my arms next to my body.
21.32 I looked at the word on my left wrist. We are all sitting together outside. Just looking at the word arouses me.
22.30 It’s almost dark enough so they won’t notice anymore yay.
In hindsight, I really enjoyed this task because it really cemented the notion that I have accepted being a slave. It makes me proud to think that I am now, and happy that I’ve come such a long way since only a year ago.
If you enjoyed reading this or have any questions or would like to chat, feel free to leave a comment!