A little while ago, between the first lockdown and the second when restrictions had eased I was lucky enough to spend a weekend with kinky friends. I met some through working on a spanking film, and others through connections from a party pre-lockdown. It was rather surreal to be around a group of people after spending most of my time alone for months. “Don’t try too hard and just be yourself,” Roxy said to me on the phone when I told her about my anxiety. That’s all well and good, I thought, but if I don’t try I won’t say anything at all.
And that is exactly what ended up happening. I felt a little overwhelmed and found myself withholding from the conversation because my mind was blank and I didn’t know what to say. It felt like I had lost the ability to ask someone how they were and what they’d been up to. My friend J who I sat with seemed similarly unsure of what to do, so I looked for the person I knew would be able to ease my mind: Dilan. I knew she was interested in electro play and that J could tell her all about it so a conversation was easily struck. Not long after it led to some actual electro play.
I felt at ease now, because I was a part of what they were doing even if I was only watching and it didn’t require me to do anything. It made me happy seeing the joy on Dilan’s face as the violet wand touched her skin. Before J got his electro kit out, Dilan showed me the crop and paddle she brought and said she hadn’t tried them yet. I was thinking I should ask her to use them on me later but I still felt a bit too shy.
The plan for this get together was to take Ecstasy (also known as MDMA or Mandy). I had only ever taken drugs once before in my life, which was 2C-B and did so just a few weeks prior. I barely drink alcohol and never smoke, but I was curious and opted to take it. In preparation, our host had been giving us supplements so as to prevent the comedown the next day. Then at 9 pm, I took a carefully measured dosage of MDMA.
Bella, our host, moved us to the ballroom, which was lit up brightly and looked mostly empty. Some people had come over with drinks but no one seemed to know whether to sit down, stand or dance. I sat down on the couch next to a friend, who had kept an eye on me when I took 2C-B for the first time. The time on 2C-B I wasn’t sure if the drugs had a significant effect on me. “Do you feel anything?” had been the common question between my friend and me and I was musing over it now. Then suddenly, the MDMA hit me. As a friend described it, it was like SHIT, I AM FLYING.
I felt a tingling sensation run through my arms, legs, feet and hands. I looked around the room, trying to adjust to my new state of mind while the others got up and said they wanted to move the couch closer to the fire. I felt a vague sense of anxiety mixed with curiosity and an oncoming sense of euphoria. “I can definitely feel it this time!” I enthusiastically said to my friend.
I was trying to come to grips with myself. My anxious thoughts had all presented itself in a neat list on the side of my mind. I looked at the words and decided I wasn’t going to pay attention to them tonight. The next thing I remember is jumping from the couch down onto the floor in front of the fire where Dilan was. “Do you want to spank me? Maybe it will feel different now I’m on drugs,” I said. I leaned forward on my knees and lifted my dress to expose my bottom, which had a tail sticking out (I was wearing a pair of white crotchless underwear, my tail, ears and a black dress.) I muttered how perhaps I shouldn’t have put on underwear and briefly thought of how embarrassing it would have usually been to crouch down like this in front of other people (everyone had now gathered around the fire). MDMA had evidently taken away my inhibitions and I felt incredible!
Dilan hit me with her heart-shaped crop and I giggled. She asked me how it felt but I was honestly too caught up wondering about the sensation to really know. It wasn’t like ouch this hurts and more like mhm, is this what pain is supposed to feel like? Or does this not hurt so much? She asked me if I wanted to try the paddle and started alternating between that and her bare hand but every time it began to hurt I started giggling and rolled around.
She said I made her want to hit me more and that I turned her into a sadist, hehe! My pain tolerance seemed to bring out everyone’s desire to give it a go and so several people started spanking me which only made me giggle more. Sometime during, I asked J if Dilan and I could use his electro contact pad, which is an extension to a violet wand. I was interested because electro play wouldn’t leave any marks, whereas impact play is more tricky in that area. All you have to do with the pad is ensure that it’s connected to your skin, then once it is, any touch becomes electric. Naturally, of course, the electric shocks just made me giggle.
It’s hard for me to remember the exact details of this moment. My memory is filled with colours of joy and I particularly enjoyed Dilan touching my nipples when we could both feel the current; we were very connected.
After a little while, I grew more aware of the room and realised people were watching me as was lying mostly naked and spread out on the floor, openly enjoying paying (I guess my dress had come off at one point). I felt a little shy and started moving away from the middle of this circle when Dilan and I lost balance or something and I half fell and landed on my own tail, which popped out. I made a genuine noise of agony and fell dead on the floor where I stayed for a moment. It’s funny how that’s what got the pain response from me, rather than getting spanked or being electrified!
When I recovered, I crouched down next to my friend who was sitting on the couch. She petted me and gave me hugs for a little while, which made me feel incredibly serene. I told her how happy I felt and how I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt like this.
Other people had started using the electro pad and a little later Kima walked in and announced that she wanted to tie someone tonight. Without hesitation, I jumped up and asked if she wanted to tie me. The day before, she’d said she wanted to tie someone and all I thought then was, what a lucky person, completely disregarding the idea she could tie me. She said she’d like to so I once again ended up in front of the fire while other people were watching.
I hadn’t bothered to put my dress back on, nor my tail back in so all I was wearing were my crotchless white knickers. Earlier, they’d discussed how some rope work can be very pretty but isn’t always effective restraining wise. Kima, therefore, specifically wanted to tie me up so that I wouldn’t be able to get away. As you know, I have done quite a lot of pretty rope work but if I think about it, no one has really tightly tied me before (and quite often, I can wriggle back out because my wrists are so small). Kima made sure I could really feel the rope and it instantly triggered my submission and arousal.
She started out by tying my arms behind my back while sitting closely behind me, which made it feel quite intimate. Eventually, she struggled with a certain knot and decided to start over, which I honestly didn’t mind. I was greatly enjoying the experience but we didn’t quite get to a point of further play.
The hosts had set up a fucking machine in the library which proved to be very popular. Of course, I thought the fucking machine was the least interesting thing and everyone seemed surprised when I said I don’t like vaginal insertion. In the library, I had the pleasure of seeing Dilan receive a double spanking and later we ended up cuddling in front of the fire in the living room until she fell asleep in my arms. Mostly everyone had gone to bed by this point and I was considering heading too. While I’d been under the impression that Kima and I still wanted to play ‘properly’ it was getting late. Then just as I was about to leave, i came looking for me, as he’d been out smoking with Kima and so by 5 AM the last few standing had gathered in the library.
I talked to Kima for a little while outside and confessed I’d been nervous before and didn’t think she’d want to tie me. She said she felt like I didn’t have a very good self-image and reassured me that she definitely wanted to spend time with me. It made me feel acknowledged, as she recognised I indeed don’t think so greatly of myself and I felt comforted by the reassurance. She mentioned that it had crossed her mind to tie me before because of how masochistic I am, so as to explore my pain threshold.
We took the electric pad I’d used with Dilan earlier and I lied down on the couch, feeling quite naked despite still wearing that one piece of underwear. Again, my memory of the exact details of our play is a little fuzzy. I think I best remember how she told me to open my mouth and stick my tongue out and my apprehension of doing so, but listening and obeying as we looked each other in the eye. She later put a glass of water on my stomach and told me not to spill it as she electrocuted me. Of course, I didn’t spill any!
I tried to go to sleep in the morning but was unsuccessful and spend the day taking a bath. The supplements had indeed worked and I didn’t have a comedown of the MDMA. I had a great experience and would definitely take it again.
Your fears were in vain and the fun was great
Sounds like a great experience, and still I will be too afraid to take it. I think it’s because I am afraid the drugs might make me lose control, and I will make a fool of myself…
Since I’ve tried drugs now I feel quite strongly that it’s not so different from alcohol, yet one is legal and one isn’t. Mind you, with both you have to be careful. But I get it, that fear. And it’s perfectly fine not to try it!
what a nice memory to have and share. hope this lockdown ends soon. i so miss playing
What a wonderful mix of your pleasures and anxieties. As always your detailed descriptions allow me to imagine myself there. Your descriptions and reflections are so enjoyable to read…which leads to my reflections. I haven’t read and responded over the past 2 months because Covid has screwed w my partner’s and my rhythm of.life. Thank you for sharing your experiences .
Drugs affect all people differently. Someone adds courage, someone stupidity. How lucky.
I’m glad you had a good experience. I’m also glad you were safe!
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