When people ask me about my kinks and fantasies and I often don’t know what to say. I’m interested in a lot of things but if I think about it whipping has always been a big fantasy of mine. When I was struggling to sleep at night as a teen, I pictured myself standing in a dark room with my arms and legs spread and tied as someone stood with a whip behind me. She’d keep whipping me over and over until I cried. I’m not sure why this particular image spoke to my imagination so much. I suppose it’s because out of all CP whipping seemed incredibly painful, especially on the back. I had no idea of course; I just guessed. When I landed on the scene I got into caning and because of that, impact play has been limited for me. But a few weeks ago I got a request for a whipping video and I was honestly quite excited.
The scenario the client requested was that I would prove my love to my Mistress by getting whipped. I would be naked and tied to the ceiling and we’d use different whips. After being whipped for a while, I’d finally ask her to whip me with her most painful whip as an act of devotion. The whole scenario resonated with me.
On the day, the set was freezing cold (hello winter) and Roxy first thought wrist cuffs would be an effective way to tie my hands above my head. One problem we keep running into, however, is that my wrists (and generally body) are too small to fit into these props. In other words, my wrists could simply slide out and I didn’t think of bringing my own (which were hard to find in my size). Instead, she tied my wrists with rope and attached them to the top of the frame. I didn’t realise how exposing it’d feel standing there naked. Perhaps the moment felt more charged because Roxy is my actual Mistress. While she and our cameraman continued getting ready I became extra aware of how I was stuck here and felt incredibly naked.
Then when they were ready, Roxy came up from behind and wrapped the whip around me while she leaned in closely. She started playing with my clit, which instantly made me catch my breath. Slowly, she pulled the whip between my legs. “You’re going to take a lot of pain for me, aren’t you?” she said. I wanted to lean into her touch, feeling both aroused and a little scared of what was to come. “Yes, Mistress,” I said. I mean, I wasn’t escaping anywhere now, was I?
Her fingers toyed with my nipple for a moment, then let go. As she walked away I looked up at my wrists. Nowhere to go. This is really going to happen. I listened in anticipation of the whip, unsure which sound to look out for. Then it hit me. It was a little like what I expected but not quite. Roxy started relatively lightly with the first few hits but they were different from the time we’d privately played. When we played with this whip before the first several hits had felt pleasurable; this time they were instantly stingy. Oh god, why did I say yes to a whipping video? I thought for a moment. She picked up a steady rhythm while I was trying to readjust to the situation. I felt myself getting aroused.
She paused and I looked up. When is the next hit going to be? She told me to relax my body. “You should feel at ease with the pain.” Should I? I don’t know if I can because this freaking hurts! I tried to relax my shoulders and let my weight sink down but as soon as she whipped me I instantly tensed again. It felt like she was hitting me harder and faster than I was used to, which meant every strike was a bit of a shock; I couldn’t help but groan.
When she paused again I felt both relieved and apprehensive; she was going to start using the other whip now, wasn’t she? The one that makes me feel like a brick is being thrown right through me!
She took it relatively easy with the first few hits but honestly, any hit with this whip is painful to me, plus I was already sore. It only took until the second strike for me to groan in pain and my shoulders hunched forwards. Normally, Roxy gives me more of a break with this one. Not today. She kept up a steady rhythm while the numbers started adding up in my mind. I struggle so much with this whip; it feels like it floods my system and I can’t recover enough from the previous hit before the next one strikes.
Stay still. I tried to tell myself. You’re supposed to be taking this for her, you’re offering your body to be in pain so don’t move. But on the so many-est hit, my body turned slightly and I could hear her pause. “Straighten yourself out,” she said, while I kept myself dangling just a moment longer to win some time. “You have something to prove here slave. Take it.” I managed to compose myself and tried to make my mind go blank. She hit me and I cried in pain while my body turned even further this time. She didn’t have to say anything. I straightened myself out again as soon as I could.
She announced that she would start giving me time to compose myself. I listened to my own breathing as I waited for the next strike. I stood up on my toes when it hit me this time and tried to think away the pain. She said that every time I’d be ready I was to say “Please, whip me, Mistress.”
The next several hits were a battle with the mind. I do believe it’s possible to push your body further through your mind; it’s how I deal with pain generally. Pain caused through CP is always ‘temporary’ in that pain upon impact and the first moment after is most intense. That’s why breaks can help and why I was able to make myself ask for another one every time. I might actually end up crying, I thought. Still, I didn’t want to give in. At the start of shooting, I asked Roxy when I would have to beg for the most painful whip and she said to do so when it became really quite hard to cope. The problem is, I really do play into the idea of holding out more and more as a sign of devotion (and stubbornness). Therefore, I didn’t know when I should ask. The good thing is that Roxy can read me, so she told me when it was time.
I looked over my shoulder and saw her look at me expectantly, then smile as I asked her to whip me with her most painful whip. Oh god, what have I got myself into? Roxy had briefly tried a few very light hits earlier to practise her aim and from those, I could tell this one was rather… sharp? I suppose a whip can be described as a tool that cuts through the skin like a knife. Rather than the previous one which felt like a rock, this certainly felt more like a knife. I say that but I haven’t ever done knife play so far so I don’t know how accurate this is.
The pain of this whip felt intense in a different way. It was equally painful and hard to cope with but I was able to recover more quickly from this sting; in other words, I didn’t need to pause and ask her to please whip me again, though I did require a few short other breaks. All I could think about by this point was that I had to grit my teeth and wish the time away. It’s just some pain. Pain is fine. Then finally, she said “One more.”
It seemed to be taking painstakingly long before she lifted the whip one final time and struck me on the back. The pain of the last one is always easier for me somehow. I breathed out and composed myself. She embraced me from behind and said I’d done very well and I smiled.
That’s my whipping fantasy finally checked off. I am quite interested in exploring this further and seeing if we can get to a point in which I’ll cry. Roxy seems to be on board too!