I was in a relationship for a year when I was around 20. I met her during the second semester of my first year at university and we officially became a couple about one to two months after that. She was an exchange student at the time and we had to part in August because her studies started back up in Denmark. My ex was really scared of going long-distance. She wasn’t scared because she was afraid our relationship would end or that I would cheat on her, but she was afraid to be back in her own country, alone and where she felt unhappy. I didn’t realise it at first, but I had slowly become the centre of her world and so when we were apart, she didn’t really seem to know what to do with herself.
Long Distance
Before I reached that conclusion, I wanted to help make it a little better for her. I knew she liked small romantic gestures and I get quite creative and excited about creating things that make others happy. I also used to love writing physical letters and cards for example, that I sent to my online friends. There’s just something about receiving a physical letter, card or package sometimes, you know? And there’s something about being the sender of them, knowing that people will be happy to receive them, without wanting anything in return.
In August, we travelled to Denmark together where I helped her move into her new place and stayed with her for a week (in which we had some kinky fun that I’d requested for my birthday lol). I then travelled to Germany alone to visit two of my best friends. Whenever I visited my friend in Germany, we’d often just hang out in her room and do our own thing. I told her I wanted to write some letters to my girlfriend because I knew she was going to be very sad and I was hoping that receiving letters from me might help her. My friend supported this and helped me think of additional ideas of what to put inside the letters and how to make things look pretty. My friend is also very creative!
Letters
I ended up folding 14 different coloured envelopes which each had a heart as an opening. Each envelope had a different theme according to the letters I was going to write and if she opened them, a little picture I’d drawn/put together would appear and it epresented the theme of that letter. They were themed as followed:
- Becoming a minion
- Emma’s birthday party
- Hungover
- Resistance
- Sheep selfies
- Hippie social
- The boyfriend… and picking you up from the train station
- HP movies, 4 am nights, first kiss
- Panic attack
- Giggles and sex, coming home to you, BDSM
- Be mine, be mine, be mine
- Random stuff
- Growth
- Meeting the parents
Each of these envelopes had a letter or several letters in them and the envelopes and letters were organised chronologically. They were essentially telling our story from my perspective, as in how I’d experienced it from the start to the now. Sometimes I’d write three different letters for one envelope, depending on how many different events or memories I was covering, and in addition, I added papercut hearts or other cute things.
The first time I remember seeing her before actually meeting her was when I came to my friend’s flat where we got dressed up as minions for a football social. We were painting our faces yellow as my ex was watching us, casually eating her toast from the other side of the kitchen table. That’s what the first envelope was about.
A few weeks later was when we first spoke, at a birthday party in their flat that my friend bad invited me to. After this we started non-stop texting each other the following day, on which she was hungover (I didn’t drink!) This was covered in the second envelope.
Ignoring the movie
Number four refers to a movie of a book that we had to read for a class we were both taking and somehow I had just never noticed her…? (But apparently she’d been eying me for weeks, and had also been stalking the vanilla blog I ran back then.) I had suggested we watch the movie together (trying to get a date without it being too obvious? I mean we both knew we didn’t want to watch the movie… I think, lol.) She came over to my place, or well student room where we sat on my bed and then started the movie.
I am really bad at watching movies. I get distracted and bored and so when we started watching this movie I almost instantly just turned my back towards it and started talking to her, which eventually turned into tickling. She tried to keep on watching the movie though as she appeared to be genuinely interested but I succesfully managed to draw her attention away from it (which actually took quite a while!) This was the first time anything kinky passed our lips. She said something about tying me to the sink’s pipe in my room.
The Boyfriend
After this, we had some more fun, romantic encounters. It was clear we wanted more than just friendship but she was still in a relationship with a boy from back home and he was about to come and visit her here and pay for their visit to London! So… Well… I wasn’t about to tell her how to handle this but she didn’t want to break up with him over text so she let him come (which is worse, in my opinion).
I walked her to the train station to pick him up? I think. and before the train arrived we went to the WeatherSpoons bathroom, which was upstairs and had a view over the train tracks and we stood awhile in the windowsill, kind of like in the Titanic without the arms spread. Poor boyfriend… I guess I didn’t feel that bad because she had stopped loving/liking him before she even met me and we hadn’t kissed or anything… at least we hadn’t done that. She was going to break up with him but had simply wanted to wait until they would see each other in person. Also, I was 20? and had fallen for her. I had never been in a relationship before, and I didn’t really think about this boy that I’d never met or would ever know, about which she had only spoken badly.
She broke up with him, they still went to London and then I picked her up when she came back. Suddenly there were no more restraints. We didn’t have to stop ourselves from kissing each other because of her now ex-boyfriend, but somehow neither of us knew how to initiate the kiss. My friend started asking me if we had kissed yet. In fact, the entire flat started asking if we’d kissed yet but we just didn’t know how?? #overthinking
How do people kiss?
It became ridiculous to the point where we started trying to tell each other that we were going to kiss now, which didn’t work, lol. Until eventually we spend another night on the communal flat’s couch (I don’t know how they let us use it that often? I had essentially moved in spending every night with her without their consent. Sorry lovely flatmates. They became my close friends though, so it was okay!) And that night, at like 3 am, after 20 or so minutes of coming closer, not doing it, laughter for the ridiculousness of this all, we managed to kiss. (And no, this wasn’t the first girl I kissed SO IDK WHY.)
Then at some point, before I wanted to commit to anything I felt like I had to confess to her that I was into BDSM and felt submissive. I knew that I probably couldn’t stay in a relationship for a long time if I wouldn’t be able to have kink too. I brought it up when we were lying in her single bed and my cheeks instantly went red. Very quietly, I mentioned that she’d said she wanted to tie me to the pipes all the way back on our ‘first date’. I don’t remember how the rest of the conversation went but she must have said she was interested at the very least, because a few more days/weeks later we became each other’s girlfriend.
BDSM
In the BDSM envelope, I told her my account of the experience of bringing that topic up with her. (Unfortunately, she never wanted to send me pictures of what I’d written in the letters after our breakup. I would have loved to have all this material simply for my memories.) I also added in the lyrics of this song ‘Irresistible’ by Fall Out Boy. “And I still love the way you hurt me. It’s irresistible, oh oh oh oh oh oh.” I don’t know. It just made me think of BDSM lol. I also had the most fun making the BDSM symbol that would appear as soon as she’d open the envelope. Writing this into a letter and putting it in the envelope and then sending it also felt like it cemented that we had committed to making BDSM a part of our relationship, which felt really good to me.
I think I’d made her enough envelopes to last her through till Christmas, although we’d see each other again before that. I had told her to open one every month or once every 2 weeks or something like that? But then when she had opened the first few, she wanted to start writing letters back. Not in response to these and not with her own account of it all, but just a letter because as I mentioned before, there is something about receiving a physical letter sometimes instead of a text. I mean, I didn’t really care about it, to be honest, but it seemed important to her for during our long-distance relationship. The plan was that after she finished her degree, which lasted one more year, she’d come back to where I was to do a master there.
Tasks in Letters
When she was writing her letter though, we were also talking about kinky things. We used Tumblr a lot for ideas and it really helped her, I think, in the sense that she could just share something she liked, rather than having to put it into words, as she still very much seemed to try and come to terms with the possible desires she had. So as she was writing her letter, I suggested that it might be fun for her to write down a task at the end of the letter, which when I’d open and read it would have to do immediately before being allowed to go on with my daily life.
(Side note, I’m quite positive that she is probably a submissive herself, or a switch. Not a Dom, although I wanted to believe that she was, just as much as she wanted to believe it, I think. It’s easy to know in hindsight.) But this meant that I quite often prompted her or directed her in the right direction for… kinky things that she might want to do with a submissive, lol.
And so, one day I was chilling in the living room with my flatmates and this letter arrives with stickers of cats (because I like cats, although I thought the stickers were horrible, lol) and at the bottom of the letter, it says…
I’m not sure what it said. I don’t have the letter anymore. Threw them all out because our relationship ended so badly. But I do know that when I read it that my flatmate (my best friend) saw me go red and as I sprinted out the door, he had an idea of why because he was into kink himself and he knew (probably way too much) about the things my ex and I got up to (I tell him too much). I think part of what my ex wanted me to do was make myself orgasm and according to my friend I looked quite flustered and a little sweaty when I returned to the living room after.
I think I received one or two more letters that had such a task in them and I thought it was a lot of fun. I liked the idea of how unexpected it could be because you never really know when a letter is going to arrive or if a letter is going to arrive at all. Additionally, I couldn’t start a conversation and argue with the task because it came through a physical letter.
Does writing the letters that I wrote to her make me a romantic? I don’t know. I don’t really feel like I’m much into romance anymore nowadays. I think I just like making people happy and I like being creative or finding the right way to make a difference in that particular person’s life. I honestly hate valentines. I remember that my ex wanted me to fly over just so we could celebrate valentine together. It didn’t matter to her that the timing was kind of inconvenient with uni and all that, and I guess that’s fair if you’re both into it but eh. Why do we need the 14th of February to tell your significant other that you love them? Evidently, all of my letters did a great job also, when it wasn’t the 14 of February!
Xx ML
Those cards are so cute. And yes it doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day to show some love.
I think those letters were really romantic, and also a very special way to stay in contact and to receive tasks. Sorry it ended so badly 🙁
Rebel xox
Thank you
It’s okay, these things happen in life. I’ve long since moved on xx
Wow those letters are amazing MlSlave – and things that u make or write yourself are precious as it takes your time and time is not something we ever get back., Wonderful gesture x
Thank you May! I know she really appreciated it at the time x
Yes, there’s something special and unique in a physical letter. Each and every character contributes to show the personality of who writes the letter. Handwriting itself can be a form of art. The touch of the paper, its smell, its shape, colors, little paintings… There’s so much in it, and all contribute to the experience. And the sensation when you find a letter in your mailbox, when you open the envelope…
But also finding an old letter in a drawer, and living again those sensations… Sometimes it can be painful though, feeling the melancholy of a happy moment that is gone, leaving you just a memory. And sometimes it’s also painful to throw a letter away, as an attempt to discard that memory. But the past always remain stratified as a part of us, that we need to be able to cope with.
Sure, part of this happens also with email, but not so intensely.
I don’t think physical letter are just “romantic”. They’re simply something that we tend to lose nowadays due to newer but “colder” technologies. But everybody could keep enjoying such sensation, if we manage to put our lazyness besides.
I like your sentiment on letters, they are very similar to my own. Thank you for sharing
This is adorable, whether your reasons for doing it are romance or just to make someone happy, it’s still a wonderful thing to have done for someone x
Thank you Floss! x
I don’t think romantic gestures should be limited to valentines day, and I think there was a great deal of thought put into these letters.
Thank you for sharing with Tell Me About.
Sweetgirl
Thank you
I totally agree that there so something special about a letter and you really went to town with these. They look amazing and were so thoughtful. I would say that is definitely a romantic thing to do
Thank you Missy
What a beautiful thing to do. I feel that you must have enjoyed pouring your love and care into them!
Thank you! And yes I really did 🙂
LOVED your 14 Coloured Envelopes !!! Wonderfully creative, and fun, idea.
But you are right it shouldn’t be just on Feb 14th that we should celebrate one’s feelings for someone.
Xxx – K
P.s. . . . do I take it that you haven’t done similar letters for your new encounters?
Thank you so much! It’s kind of nice to share it now and see people’s positive response because the entire thing ‘died’ when our relationship ended so badly.
I haven’t done something like this again no. I have sent someone a harry potter postcard every day of the week once, since. I made a picture album for my best friend + gave him an Appa teddy when we each moved to different places. I send him some fun gifts still every now and then haha. And for Lois, I sent her a picture with bodywriting for Christmas and then did it with wax in another year. I guess it depends on the person that I’m doing stuff for? I knew my ex was into really romantic gestures so this is what I came up with. For a future kinky partner I might have a collection of printed kinky pictures, lol. Though there are much more possibilities in person and I’m not really up for another online dynamic. Xx ML
A great idea with the letters. I’m sorry things ended badly between you. But it’s good you were able to move on.
Thank you 🙂