Miss Lois: “Well done [my slave name], I am very proud of you.
Very well done and impressive. I didn’t think you could manage that without any explicit pictures.”
Me: “Before you just said that… I wanted to say to you Miss that I am grateful for you spending all this time on me and going through the effort and thinking of ways to make me learn and be better and to help me focus by allowing to feel this pain. Thank you, Miss.
And also thank you, Miss, I am very surprised too, haha.”
(Lmao how the hell did he come without???)
Miss Lois: “That means you are getting good at being arousing.”
So wait a minute y’all. It’s essentially Miss Lois’ fault that you all get to enjoy me and my pictures. I do often think: mhm, I am gay and yet all these men… like me? somehow? Did Miss Lois turn me into something straight men like? Couldn’t she have done that for women? lmao. (I mean, just kidding. Even before going down my slave identity path I would always be hit on by men when going out, rather than women because apparently I look straight??)
Let’s not have a poll on that question!
Miss Lois then sent two pictures into the group chat and told me to add them to the ready-made outfit album that I talked about here before.
I asked her a few questions about what shoes and such, and we agreed that the stilettos looked nice with all the outfits, but that we weren’t sure when I’d be able to actually wear those out.
Miss Lois: “How do you feel? How is the clit?”
Me: “It hasn’t changed much from before Miss. Sometimes it intensifies when I move into a certain position or way. I feel alright, Miss.”
Miss Lois: “This group chat is a great way to explore [friend’s name] submissiveness. He is very different from you, as we have discussed before. And it is easy enough to gain control, but it takes a little while to really understand the thought process behind his kind of submissiveness. Using this group chat gives me this insight. And using you as a tool is very effective. You are extremely useful in furthering my understanding of the human condition. Not many people can because as you know, I am already rather good at that.”
(First of all: she was literally using us both in kind of the same way, to gain insight into the other, lmao. Secondly, the confidence! I mean, she is good at it, haha. So the confidence is allowed (not that this is up to me, lmao) and thirdly… that was like the biggest compliment she could give me?)
Even reading it now, I feel very happy and proud of it. I think it’s because I know that she knows the human condition very well. I mean, she managed to understand me! But also because I myself take pride in knowing people well and being able to explain certain behaviours, and I see that as a strength that I have. And by giving that compliment it felt like she acknowledged this strength of mine. However, at the same time, I thought I might have just happened to be useful because I’m not a human being you pass by very often? haha. So while I had to do a lot of learning about myself and just things in general during our dynamic, it feels like she also had to learn a lot about me in order to gain the kind of control that she did. And I imagine that a lot of things about me didn’t make a lot of sense at first, while they might have made more sense in other people that are slightly less weird? (That’s the self-image I have, hahaha.) (Jk, I think I love myself more nowadays.) But then maybe my usefulness in this regard was also due to my openness and honesty, a quality you probably like this blog for, and I pride myself for my ability to be so open too.
Me: “That makes me feel a little proud Miss.
I’m really glad we can help you gain more insight in this way.”
(Wow, so much for the honesty that I just wrote above, which I wasn’t putting out there in the chat, ha! I mean, I know I felt all of that but I couldn’t put it into words back then.)
Miss Lois: “And you should be. Being proud of making someone cum just by talking and of being able to help me learn more about the workings of the human mind.”
Also, writing is one of the most important things to me. It’s a craft I work on ‘perfecting’ every day and so whenever someone gives me a compliment about my writing, it means the most to me. Therefore, the fact I or we, could apparently arouse my friends just by using words was quite a big compliment. Similarly to knowing that you guys reading these posts might arouse you or simply entertain you or educate you, makes me very happy!
Me: “I think the being able to help you learn more about the workings of the human mind specifically makes me proud because, as you say, you are already rather good at that, so the fact that I can help further your understand and making someone cum just by talking is just like… out of this world to me haha. It makes no sense but it’s good because it makes you proud and therefore makes me happy.”
(Oh, never mind, here came the further honesty haha)
Miss Lois: “It means you are so much more attractive than you ever thought you could be and there is so much more potential.”
In the meantime, Miss Lois messaged me in private saying that she wanted me to post the following picture and to add the text: “[Friend’s name], I want you to see this picture because I want to learn more about my own arousal in relation to when/how I arouse other people with my body? me? because if people find me pleasing, it makes me a more valuable lady and slave. And therefore, I’d like you to see this picture because I think you might like it.”
(As mentioned before, this position had been thought up by my friend but I hadn’t been aware that he hadn’t seen it yet until then.)
Miss Lois: “You may comment, [friend’s name].”
My friend: “The picture is very arousing. The entire pose is vulnerable, exposing and arousing. It’s not just her butt, but also her body. From her hanging tits to her shaved pussy and her spread arse hole. They’re all incredibly attractive and the picture in and off itself makes me want to touch myself and cum again.”
(Okay, so yes I am comfortable with my friend saying these things, although reading ‘hanging tits’ and ‘spread arse hole’ makes me cringe, even now, lmao. But that’s just because I have this weird thing where I like to avoid calling breasts tits (and used to dislike boobs as well). I don’t know why I do. It’s like how I somehow have this super intense aversion to seeing dicks (sorry, nothing personal)).
Me: “Haha, that made me smile.”
Miss Lois: “Why did that make you smile?”
Me: “Because I think it makes [friend’s name] happy, Miss? Like it didn’t just make me smile. I felt some sort of warmth towards [friend’s name] just then, and then afterwards came the realisation that I can do that. I can cause that just by… by being me?”
Miss Lois: “Oh, making someone happy by being you, that makes you feel close to them.”
Me: “Yes, Miss. I think it’s because I often wonder whether [friend’s name] feels truly happy or not, but just now I could tell that he was. And I suppose I worry a lot about how he’s doing so… like the pride of being able to do that for him – but then potentially also for other people?”
(I mean, I did say he’s my best friend, right? We care a lot about each other. And when I teased him with pictures of me in the bath, I knew that I was making his day better and that it could potentially take him out of a depressive spell.)
Miss Lois: “You realise that being sexually attractive and arousing can make other people feel good because of you?”
Me: “Yes Miss.”
Miss Lois: “Even when they are talking about your hanging tits, shaved pussy and spread hole and how you seem vulnerable and exposed.”
Me: “It doesn’t really matter to me because it’s about their happiness? If that’s what works for them then that’s fine, Miss?”
Miss Lois: “So as long as you can make them happier, you are happy. And if that comes through sexuality, then so be it.”
Me: “I think so, Miss.”
Just to clarify. This does not mean that doing whatever random stranger tells me to, makes me happy. Respect is very important. I wrote about this on Fetlife here.
The conversation that followed went deeper into the thing we’d talked about in regards to how compliments and attention were positive.
Miss Lois: “That is a powerful tool you have there. We talked about this before, but I hope you can connect the dots of you learning to dress well and look like a lady to what we’re discussing here.”
Me: “Yes, Miss, I think I have. I do think it gets drowned out still by my defence mechanism, but I remember more and more often and I actively think about it a lot.”
Miss Lois: “Very good, I love how dedicated you are.”
Me: “Of course, I am Miss.”
Me: “I think I just brushed that compliment off by saying that.”
Miss Lois: “I can only teach you what you are working hard for to learn. And you have not been a disappointment. That’s an interesting comment about brushing the compliment off. You will actively accept it now.”
Me: “Thank you for complimenting me on how dedicated I am, Miss. It means a lot. And I shouldn’t allow my defence mechanism to let the compliment go unnoticed.”
Miss Lois: “You are welcome. Was that hard?”
I explained that in order to make myself feel any compliments that I had to repeat the compliment in my head several times, sometimes minutes after we’d already moved on to a different topic. Sometimes, I would read back our conversations from previous days and see a compliment, and only then would it hit home. And then I’d like to return to it, because reading it made me happy. I did always try to make sure to feel the compliment when Miss Lois complimented me. So apart from reading back conversations I sometimes took a screenshot when she gave me a compliment. But at the same time, it was difficult because my system simply automatically rejected compliments. However, complimenting her then wasn’t difficult.
Miss Lois: “And would you say that saying it and thanking me for it made it a bit more real for you?”
Me: “It did while I was typing it, Miss, then it stopped as soon as it had been said. It’s like with…”
So I was seeing a university counsellor to help me with my mental health problems. And I’d been bringing things I discussed with Miss Lois to our sessions, and took the things I discussed with my counsellor back to Miss Lois. (Of course, I never mentioned Miss Lois to my counsellor. “Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” – “No!”)
Miss Lois: “But they are growing, the cracks, that’s for sure.”
She was right and her saying it made me feel more hopeful too.
She asked me how the pain was, which I thought might have gone by then. I hadn’t realised that it had until she asked me just then. She told me to touch my clit with my finger… a command I hate hearing whenever I have a burning substance on my clit and vagina!!
Touching it, surprisingly, didn’t really spread or increase the pain. I didn’t really feel any pain to be honest. She asked me if it felt numb and what it felt like when I touched it, which was just kind of normal and rather sensitive.
Miss Lois: “Would you prefer to go to bed or be in pain now?”
Me: “I would always prefer to be useful and suffer for you, Miss. Although, yes, way back when we started talking this is not what I would have ever said. I remember being very defensive over my sleep.”
In fact, I am still very defensive over my sleep, but I trusted her to know what was right and to keep my sleep into consideration.
She asked me if I had two pieces of string and I found some and suggested I could cut it in two pieces.
Miss Lois: “Perfect. Let me tell you what it is for.”
( … what is it for? Is this going to put me in pain?)
Miss Lois: “I’ll tell you what I have in mind. It’s a bit complicated but great fun for me, so let’s see if we can manage. I want you to take two of the painful bull clips…”
(Not those clips, why ;___;)
Miss Lois: “…and attach one end of the string to it and then loop the other end. The idea is that you put the clamps on your labia. One on the left and one on the right, and step in the loop with the heel of your stilettos. The string should be a length that means you are in an uncomfortable squat position and if you try to get up, you pull the clips off your labia.”
I started typing in response and I suppose she noticed the three dots that appear when you start typing, lol.
Miss Lois: “Not done.
So ideally, you find another place, hook or something where you can attach the other string in a way that you can put two other clamps in your nipples in a way that if you would go down further with your knees they would pull on your nipples.”
I didn’t completely understand her explanation, so she said we’d take it step by step and she showed me how to make the loop.
Miss Lois: “Are you looking forward to this?”
Me: “Em… I think I worry about not being able to do it. I guess… here’s my constant fear of failing again, which makes me unable to fully look forward to it?”
Miss Lois: “I am here. I will make sure you succeed. I always made sure you succeeded before. You do your best and you will be safe.”
Me: “Yes, Miss.”
(It really reassured me when she said she was there to help me through.)
I stepped in the loops with the heels of my stilettos as she told me to. Then she told me to imagine one clip attached to each sting at a distance that would force me to squat down to attach them to my labia.
So if the clamps were attached to my labia, it would stop me from getting up. The set up was slowly starting to click now, lol.
Miss Lois: “Which will create a predicament because your legs will start to burn, but if you stand up the clips will be pulled off painfully.
Now as it is the first time, we will leave it at that for today and I will not tell you to sit down. The only way out is up. Next time we will attach another string with clamps to your nipples and something high up that stops you from moving downwards.”
(Thank god we weren’t also doing that today. I could only imagine the pain of that…)
(And yes, my friend was still reading along, staying quiet in the background, just like you are right now.)
Miss Lois: “Attach the clamps to your labia and suffer as long as you possibly can.”
My friend: “I love the image of the thong and seeing how wet it is. It makes me hard again knowing how wet [my name] can become by pleasing Miss Lois.”
(I assumed that Miss Lois had told him in private that he could respond to the picture, to like surprise me.)
Miss Lois: “At the very start you take a picture, then ideally you film yourself while they’re on and when you’re pulling them off. And then take a picture of yourself after they’re off.
You seem to be naturally arousing [my slave name].”
I kept her up to date on my preparation to make this work.
Miss Lois: “Surely you are now confident, knowing what to do and that you are not going to fail. So I want to ask you again, are you looking forward to the pain and the pleasure you give me by doing it?”
Me: “Yes, Miss, I am.”
Me: “Mhm… I didn’t manage to make them entirely equal height wise…”
Miss Lois: “That means you will be in pain twice.”
Me: “Okay, Miss, so it’s okay like this?”
Miss Lois: “If both are short enough to force you to squat it is. But you will regret this decision later.”
(So she was looking out for me, and yet I was too frustrated with these cords, not thinking I could do a better job than I already had and just accepted my faith, lol.)
Me: “Okay, Miss, yes they are.”
Miss Lois: “Haha.”
(I mean… it was a little bit absurd I chose to potentially be in pain twice…)
Me: “Haha, well at least you will enjoy it, Miss.”
Miss Lois: “I certainly will.”
Side note: I have no idea how I just accepted my faith. I cannot imagine how the hell I managed to cope with those clips on my labia and much less how I managed to pull them off and be ok! These clips are the devil. I can barely stand them on my nipples so how the hell did it work on my labia?? I cannot imagine putting these there.
Miss Lois: “How was it?”
Me: “Harder fitness-wise or breathing wise than when playing tennis non-stop.”
(What a comparison… lol)
Me: “My legs are also pretty sore from sport this week, so maybe that’s why the squat was particularly hard too.”
(Side note to self: you do realise that it’s quite taxing to squat for a long time? You only do it for 30 seconds at a time at most during practise! Clearly, I wasn’t very rational anymore by that point. Fully in slave mode, the best place to be!)
Me: “And then getting up… I was literally forced to go up because my legs couldn’t take it.”
(Ah, so that’s how I managed to pull them off. I was forced to! Miss Lois must have known that I needed that predicament in order to manage to pull them off.)
Me: “But then I couldn’t do it quickly because I was afraid? Which possibly hurt more really? And it hurt a lot and for a second I thought I couldn’t do it. But then I did and it wasn’t so bad, Miss. But it was pretty bad in the moment? But the after was kind of relief?”
Miss Lois: “The video was very good.”
(My ‘poor’ friend for hearing about this video but not being able to see it, lol. And you too reading it now, hahaha.)
Miss Lois: “Seeing the pain in your face and the uncertainty what to do while you were getting up. Very sexy. You have done very well.”
Me: “Thank you, Miss, that makes me smile.”
Miss Lois: “Let’s try and make you squirt in a bowl. I am enjoying this too much to just stop now. Although you would very much deserve to stop now.”
(I had to admit that I thought our session was over now. Especially after just suffering through that pain.)
Me: “Haha, okay, Miss. I think I am too.”
Miss Lois: “But you love it, so…”
Me: “A small bowl?”
Miss Lois: “Whatever works.”
I did love it and told her that I was really happy that she was giving me the opportunity to please her.
Miss Lois: “And I am happy that you are such a good student and slave in training. You are a delight to work with.”
I sent her a picture of a bowl…
Miss Lois: “Great bowl.”
Me: “Okay, Miss, so I should try and squirt now?”
Miss Lois: “Yes, please.”
Miss Lois: “That was quick.”
(Yes, muwhaha. I have this supernatural ability to just… squirt, lol.)
Me: “Yes, Miss… Barely took any effort actually.”
Miss Lois: “Perfect. Try again.”
(Really? It’s never enough is it, lol.)
I managed to squirt the second time too, quite easily and on beforehand I could feel that it wasn’t going to take a lot of effort. I mean, I had been very aroused all this time because of what we’d been doing that night. I’m sure that helped!
I squirted a third time because I wanted to make sure that the amount of squirt had been enough. It also caused me to defile the carpet a bit more… haha.
Miss Lois: “So quick, go again. Excellent.”
I now kind of picture this as if the dog owner is teaching its dogs tricks and it’s instantly working and the dog owner gets really excited. Not that I see myself as a dog. I’m more of a cat, really. Not that I see myself as an animal.
Miss Lois: “I love it.”
The fourth time was more as if random raindrops were flying in different directions. (OH! that’s exactly what the rain in Scotland is like. Never comes down in a straight line. It hits you from all directions instead. Lovely.) The fourth time also wasn’t a significant amount. I had become too sensitive to still be able to push through fully.
She told me to show her the bowl and I added that while you couldn’t tell from the picture, the carpet was wet on both sides. My third and fourth time squirting had happened with a lot less aim. That is if you can aim with these things?
Miss Lois told me in a private chat to ask my friend in our group chat what he wanted me to do with the squirt. That was slightly embarrassing.
My friend: “I would like you to take your thong and dip it into the bowl and to then put it in your mouth. While that is in your mouth, I want you to wash your face with the squirt before bed, as it is important to have a washed face.”
He knew that one of the tasks Miss Lois had set me was to wash my face with anti-blemish stuff every day and that I also hated doing it.
My friend: “And if this is what Miss Lois agrees with you should take pictures of it along the way. Of the thong in your mouth. Of your wet face and of you licking the bowl.”
Miss Lois: “[My slave name], do as [friend’s name] said with all the pictures. Although, [friend’s name] will know very well that he won’t get to see them.”
I asked her if I could put my hair in a ponytail, which was no problem, and I also asked her if I had to lick the bowl still with the thong in my mouth, which she told me I was allowed to take out for the licking.
Me: “Just licking or making sure that the bowl is empty? Is this one of those where I would suffer the most by emptying the bowl, and so, therefore, the answer would be yes, and I shouldn’t have to ask?”
Miss Lois: “Correct.”
Me: “Squirt is disgusting. Thank you for allowing me to suffer for you.”
Miss Lois: “You are welcome.”
My friend: “I just came a second time. This one feeling more final.”
“Thank you. I will write an account of how this made me feel and will send it to [my name] via email.”
(That was a task Miss Lois set him, with the intention to show me how I was good at giving people pleasure.)
Miss Lois: “[My slave name] you have done the impossible twice tonight.”
Me: “Hahaha, surely this must be possible for it to be possible right.”
Miss Lois: “You know what I mean.
And you were brushing it off again. Take it.”
Me: “Yes, Miss. Oh… yes, you’re right, I was.”
Miss Lois: “I want a typed report of this evening.”
I had also broken one rule that day. Well, the day prior, as we went from Saturday to Sunday during this session. I hadn’t sent Miss Lois a picture of the outfit I was wearing that day… which was a rule. I had to send her a picture every day of what I was wearing.
Miss Lois: “As you haven’t sent a picture of your outfit today, you are going to wear this outfit tomorrow.”
I know the light is bad, but the outfit consisted of the red shirt (obv, lol), my long black skirt, black tights and my normal height heels. I was terrified of wearing this skirt outside. I still feel kinda terrified of wearing it. I don’t know why, but because it’s so long and like… elegant? or makes me look well put together, it scares me because I might stand out in this student town.
However, it was snowing at the time and Miss Lois said that she didn’t want me to ruin my shoes. Instead, we decided to wait for my new winter heels to arrive and to postpone this punishment/task.
(Sigh of relief!)
Miss Lois: “You are starting to realise how looking good and pleasing others by doing so makes you happy. So we will make you an elegant lady, just as you wanted to be when you were younger.
You have been exceptional as always.”
Me: “Thank you, Miss.”
Miss Lois: “Are you up for an experiment?”
Me: “Always, Miss.”
Miss Lois: “You said that you’re not going out tomorrow. So, whenever you are in your room and are not doing anything for uni or for me, you will blindfold yourself. Even if you are getting up from the desk to the bed. You are only allowed to take it off when you leave the room when your flatmate is in. When your housemate isn’t in, you can not take it off in the house.
You will be allowed 2 times of 30-minutes on the whole day in which you are allowed to type and chat with friends.
You are allowed to take it off for cooking, but not to go to the toilet.
Also, when you do your heel training you’ll be blindfolded.”
And that’s how the chat ended.
And what does my best friend think about this blog post? He said reading back the teasing conversation at the start of this post made him embarrassed. He found the rest of the post mostly hilarious (actually, this is the first time he’ll read it all (more than the first 1000 words). I’m sure he’ll be embarrassed more – and also reading this, right here, hehe. He also mentioned that he is dreading the comments, as apparently he reads all the comments everyone leaves on this blog too. What a stalker! :p
(c) Do not use any of the material on this blog, pictures or content for any form of publication whether fiction, film, psychological research etc. without contacting me and asking me for my permission.