When Vanilla People Talk About Kink

I have been re-reading Sunstone recently because I have been in a bit of a rut fiction writing-wise and I came across this page with which I’m sure you will all agree. Vanilla people just don’t have a good idea of what our kinky wonderland entails so when someone attempts to represent kink it often misses the mark (to put it lightly).

When Vanilla People Talk About Kink

I’m playing for a new football team and have been enjoying it so much. Usually, it takes several weeks of anxiety before I start feeling comfortable but I felt at ease here straight away. We have training and 5 asides each week and last Friday, my team of 5 was waiting on the sideline.

The players were chatting about football and funny things members had previously done, followed by stories about Tinder and Instagram. Someone’s phone came out to capture a boomerang of the match in front of us and then Snapchat came up.

When Snapchat came up, two of them mentioned that a random stranger had added them as a friend and one concluded that the only way this stranger could have found her was by stalking her Instagram account. Then from there, the conversation moved onwards and another stranger was mentioned.

“A guy asked me if I wanted to kick him in the balls,” she said in disbelief and with a tone of aversion. Then she continued sarcastically as if she were replying to him: “The only problem with that is that I’d actually have to go to your place and see you.”

“Who does these sort of things?” Someone replied.

And my mind instantly jumped to Roxy telling me how she had kicked a client in his balls (on request, of course) and I looked away to hide my grin.

“And another guy on Tinder said: ‘Do you like it rough?’ – so I said: ‘Would you like me to hold your throat and choke you? No? Didn’t think so.'”

“Someone said he wanted to be my sugar daddy,” another player said sounding a bit disgusted.

“Oh, I’d have one of those,” someone else said quite seriously, which made another one laugh.

“I have a friend who knows Mistresses.”

Yep, me too… A chart appeared in my mind, which listed all the Dommes I know (in real life or just from a distance) and I started drawing lines between the names. In the middle, a dot represented me caught up in the web. All the images on my blog jumped to the forefront of my mind and I had flashbacks of some of the tasks I’ve done. I turned away to hide my grin again, which was a half-embarrassed and a half-amused one.

“And I know of a financial Mistress.”

“What’s that?”

“You just go to the cash machine with someone and they take money out for you.”


“Like she has to dress up in a certain way and portray this image or something.”

Oh god, where is this conversation going and can I just stay quiet all this time? If only they knew… If only they knew… And this time I couldn’t help but think about the videos I make with Belle and Gemma and Ash and our lovely cameraman. I imagined us going about our business on set while my team members were looking in through the window; the thought highly amused me. Oh, the number of times I have attended football training with cane marks on my bottom…

“What were the days when we just had normal conversations and asked each other things like what are you watching on Netflix?” Someone said.

“Okay, what are you watching on Netflix?”

And just like that, the conversation about Mistresses ended. It’s amazing how many different topics come up in a single conversation and how the information registers but leaves the mind again soon after. Unless someone has a specific interest in any of the topics, no one will have thought about the subject or conversation again.

I think it’s safe to say that this part of the conversation peaked my interests. Whenever vanilla people start talking (mostly joking) about kink related topics I always wonder what would happen if they knew about me. In this particular instance, I found that it wouldn’t bother me at all if they found out. I really don’t feel ashamed and I don’t think they’re judgy people either. More often than not people simply follow mainstream judgements so when a topic like that comes up the only way to engage is by regarding it with some form of disdain; I’m sure that if they’d find out about me I’d be met with curiosity (and some friendly teasing).

Oh, and they may be surprised. In a book I recently read I came across this line: “She’s nothing like she looks. She’s kinky as hell.” Apparently, innocence is written all over my face until you have a closer look. What can I say? Welcome to the dark side?

Xx Mila

23 Replies to “When Vanilla People Talk About Kink”

  1. PurpleSole

    It is funny to hear what people say and I can’t wait until you tell them your dark side (I’m assuming it’ll come out at some point). But I think it takes a while to really understand why people enjoy the things they do, until then it’s easier to just think it’s weirdo’s in dungeons.

    • MLSlavePuppet Post author

      Haha isn’t it? I don’t think it’ll ever come out and I have no desire to tell them unless I became friends with one of them who I’d actually regularly see outside of football. You don’t tend to know all of people’s lives in football

  2. BrainMassage

    Unfortunately, the BDSM world and the vanilla world tend to remain quite separated and it is often difficult to talk about BDSM-related topics among vanilla people. I think the main problem is that a lot of people have had in their lives just quick glimpses of BDSM, usually quite unrealistic and naive, and people tend to be afraid of what they don’t know. BDSM involves aspects that are very delicate matters, not so obvious to describe to a newbie. For instance, violence itself sounds like a bad thing, and how could it actually be perceived as a source of sexual satisfaction? Most people would just limit their reasoning to the fact that hurting someone is simply wrong, and they would not open their minds enough to realize that it’s perfectly ok to cane someone who asks for it and finds pleasure in it (obviously within the consented limits). So it is quite usual that in a 1-to-1 conversation with somebody, you can more easily find out if that person is “ready” to talk about this kind of topic or not. But in a conversation among several people, it might be a little risky pushing much into details about BDSM-related stuff, because frequently at least 1 of the conversing people might feel shocked by an excessive amount of new and scary things they’ve never considered. This is why I am very glad that recently a number of websites like Fetlife are making it simpler to talk freely about these topics, among a community of individuals who are actually ready to discuss about them. At a first sight, it might sound like real, physical socialization is being sacrificed in favor of virtual online interactions. However, social networks can also be used as a simpler way to meet like-minded people, starting with online conversation and then moving to actual real-life interaction. I consider also blogs like this one a very useful resource to let newbies discover what it means and what it feels to be part of the BDSM community.

  3. Tom

    It doesn’t even have to be kink, it can be anything that is different from the “norm” that brings out misunderstanding, prejudices, sterotyping,…

  4. MrsK

    Hahaha! “I know Mistresses too, honey” would have been my response. You have so much patience. I wouldn’t totally have opened up to them and probably been kicked from the team. It may be a good thing I don’t work now. Lol

  5. Marie Rebelle

    Welcome to the dark side indeed. It’s always interesting to listen to conversations of vanilla people, and to stand their, biting your tongue and so much wanting to tell them what things really are about 😉
    ~ Marie

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