Earlier blog posts on my best friend’s involvement:
– That time when my best friend tied me to the bed with ginger up my butt
– And then my best friend got in contact with Miss Lois
– Embarrassing positions
Every now and then they each told me a little bit about what they’d talked about. My friend mostly hinting at things which were way too obvious for me to figure out, while Miss Lois once randomly said that she’d been informed by my friend that I had a particular dislike for ass-licking.
I mean, I knew the whole point was for her to find out more about me, but I am pretty honest and open (apart from me initially not telling her about my spider phobia). So in this case, while my friend was correct in that I did not particularly like the idea, it also didn’t seem like too bad of a thing to do if it were for my Mistress. It’s kinda like wearing nipple clamps even though they’re so painful.
In addition to this, Miss Lois had said that it was a great thing if I could arouse him and tease him. I think this point became very clear after the group chat the three of us had, about which I will tell you shortly. But first, here’s an example of the teasing that eventually followed between me and my best friend.
I started sending my friend a lot of snapchats at random points, mostly when I was taking a bath and then the following conversations sparked from them:
My friend: “Ps, the fact you can see your pussy just on the edge is like really attractive and like my eyes didn’t notice at first.”
Me: “Lmao, sounds like you’ve been staring at it you creep!”
My friend: “Ow no, not at all. I’m not a creep, I swear.
Damn why does that make me hard ffs lol.”
Me: “Dunno. Guess you’d have to ask your brain.”
My friend: “My brain has no idea.”
Me: “Or ask Lois haha.”
(I asked Miss Lois if I should refer to her as Miss Lois when talking to other people. When Miss Lois and I started talking I already told my friend and so we had always referred to her as Lois, as that’s what she started out as. She said it was fine for us to simply refer to her as Lois, so we stuck to that.)
My friend: “Creeping is too much fun when there are fun things to look at, haha.”
Me: Such a bad boy. (Side note, this is never a thing I would say. It makes me cringe, but I knew it would work, lol.)
My friend: “…. You know saying things like that doesn’t help hahaha.”
Me: “Never could have guessed.”
My friend: “In fact, your words are doing stupid things to me.”
My friend: “Not that I will deny it. If I’m a bad boy then you’re a bad girl.”
Me: “Erm, I think it makes me a good girl. Ask Lois ;)”
Did I mention that I love teasing people? My friends, anyone, really? I just never did it in a sexual way before. But I’d been teasing my friend pretty much from since we met. But now we had this extra added teasing dimension, which was great fun, hehe.
While I’m pretty sure everyone would guess that I’m a submissive once they know that I’m into BDSM, I’m kind of in control of… I don’t know? Teasing people? I know people very well. What makes them tick and all that. Once I know someone I can also recognise them on the street at a 20-meter distance even when they’re wearing a hoodie and are practically unrecognisable. I recognise them by their height and width and the way they walk. And I suppose I’m as observing as when it comes to people’s personalities. It becomes easy to predict people’s responses makes it possible to plant seeds in their minds so that they get this idea to do something I would like to happen, but they feel good about it because they think it was their idea. (I sound evil now, but I don’t use it for evil purposes. Just to… drag my friend out to McDonald’s with me even though he wants to eat healthily and doesn’t feel like walking for 25 minutes and back. But then suddenly, it becomes his idea and I’m like: yes, that’s a great idea, let’s go!) (Also, my friend was aware of my seed planting. I explained it all to him one day and it became a running joke afterwards, but still worked regardless because he likes to please haha.)
Let’s get back on topic. So they were generally talking at times. Then Miss Lois gave me a task and then gave him the task to describe my hand-written report of said task. I finished the task and he transcribed my handwritten post on Friday. (I posted about this last Sunday here.) Then on Saturday, we entered a group chat with the three of us. Of course, in here I addressed Miss Lois as Miss Lois. Miss Lois addressed me under my slave name, (which she only did to me in private when she wanted to make a point / or if she was talking to anyone else about her slave? I guess?) and my friend was only allowed to speak in this conversation if Miss Lois directly instructed him to.
Side note, I just asked my friend and he listed the things he’d agreed on to serve her with my development in mind by:
- Passing information about me on to her.
- Comment and inform her about the conversations he and I had had.
- Inform her on tasks that I told him about and how hearing that affected him.
- Miss Lois would send him images of me and he would tell her how it aroused him.
- He was forbidden from touching himself for 4 months.
After Miss Lois established the rule that my friend wasn’t allowed to speak in this chat unless specifically asked to, Miss Lois started having a conversation with just me, knowing that seeing us talk about these things would probably arouse my friend.
Miss Lois: “You said you feel a strong desire to be used earlier? Have you thought about where that thought might come from?”
Me: “I thought it might come from my dreams Miss, and just thoughts that are swirling through my mind. If swirling is a word.”
Miss Lois: “It is”
(Lmao, kind of glad about the confirmation but also lol.)
Miss Lois: “What thoughts are swirling around in your mind?”
As usual, I didn’t really know how to describe it. I often have like feelings but can’t quite put them into words. It’s like they’re there but just out of reach. I compared these thoughts to what dreams are like. They are so real and there but once you wake up they slip away and you can’t truly remember even though you can still feel that it felt so real just a second ago. But I referred back to something I’d written to her earlier, about how Miss Fiona started giving Pain Slut Lois a ruined orgasm every day (follow the link to that blog post here). I also mentioned that I’d been having a random image of a cage in my mind (probably because she had mentioned a cage the other day), and that I had also been thinking about inescapable suffering (probably because of the hot sauce that I wrote about here), and/or serving someone, and being attractive and walking in heels and such, which would make her proud.
I mean… looking at that list, (and having talked about planting a seed in someone’s mind), planting seeds is certainly what Miss Lois was doing to me, making me like and want the things she wanted from me. I love that about her of course. I want to serve someone that can beat my mind. And to be honest, it’s not even about beating my mind. I choose to serve them. I am happy to follow the seeds they plant (until it’s time to use the hot sauce again! lol)
She directed the conversation towards the hot sauce that we’d recently tried.
Miss Lois: “That inability to escape seemed to have made an impression. Have you thought about it often since it happened?”
I said that I had thought about it at first, but that after it started making sense I felt no need to think about it anymore. She asked me how it made sense.
Me: “In the same way that being a slave makes sense? In the same way that being gay makes sense, Miss?
Miss Lois: “Being tortured without escape makes
sense like those other things make sense?”
Me: “I think so Miss. I mean, it’s like you said. It’s something I always wanted right?”
Miss Lois: “How wet are you now?”
I was only a little wet by this point. For me, it seemed completely normal to be talking like this while my friend was reading along, lol. I just tend to rationalise or something, I don’t know.
Miss Lois: “[Friend’s name] just told me that he is aroused by only reading this. You are doing well at being a pleasing slave by being so open.”
(If you have been reading my posts consistently, you’ve read about how Miss Lois instilled in me that compliments and attention are good, and that by arousing other people I am pleasing her. This same idea played a big role in me teasing my friend and arousing him. If I managed to, I made Miss Lois proud, so apart from enjoying the teasing myself, I also liked making her proud. Double win!)
Miss Lois: “Put your tights on and send me a picture in our private chat. We don’t want [friend’s name] to get too excited, do we?”
Me: “Naked otherwise, I assume?”
Miss Lois: “Yes. I blocked him on fetlife so he can’t see your pictures. He gets excited about those.”
(By this point I was just like *shrug* my poor friend, oh well. lol.)
She asked me how it made me feel when people get aroused by my pictures and stories. My first response was something along the lines of Alright, cool, whatever. I’m glad that people can enjoy it. And the response after was: Oh, wait, this is good. Miss will be proud.
Miss Lois: “Ah, we have to work on making this feeling a bit more natural and intrinsic for you.”
What would you say, dear reader, does it seem like this feeling is intrinsic for me nowadays? I would say so. I’m just happy to get the compliment and it makes me feel like a good slave. No more thoughts.
She instructed me to take a new picture because the light wasn’t very good, and then told me to take one with each pair of my ballerina pumps, as well as with my closed heels, my stilettos and my boots. This, of course, was all said in our group chat, so my friend could see the instructions and knew what was happening, but wasn’t able to see the pictures which I was sending to Miss Lois in private. Again, my poor, poor friend (hehehe).
At the same time, our conversation continued and I explained that I thought my dissociation kept me from taking compliments more naturally. We had discussed this dissociation thing quite often. It’s kind of an automatic defence mechanism of mine which for example made me unable to recognise when I was aroused unless I checked and could literally feel that I was wet. It also made me wonder who I am, what is real and if I was real at all, really.
Miss Lois: “And what have we learned about what anchors you in this world? What makes you feel useful and a part of the real world?”
Me: “Being useful to someone Miss.”
Me: “Side note, I feel like I am defiling the tights because I’m not wearing underwear and I am wet.”
(What a thought to have! lol #FirstWorldProblems)
Miss Lois: “How wet are you?
And you know, you can wash tights?”
(Lmao I’m a stupid person that just doesn’t know these things ok. They seem so fragile!)
We then had a little conversation about the logistics of washing tights without breaking them. Before…
Miss Lois: “I was talking about your mask with your friend earlier. He found it arousing, seeing a picture of you wearing it, didn’t you [friend’s name]?
And do you like wearing it?”
My friend: “I did very much like it. I enjoy the way it strips you off your identity, but it was still you too.”
Me: “Both of you have mentioned the being stripped of identity in relation to the mask to me before and I don’t get that at all. I don’t know if I like wearing it. I don’t dislike wearing it. I like the sensation it gives me? And the thought of it? Miss.
(If you have been following my fetlife, or my onlyfans, you know that I quite like wearing my mask a lot now. Even if I’m not taking a picture or a video for sharing purposes, I often wear the mask when masturbating. I think It’s mostly for the sensation it gives me, which gives me a stronger feeling of being a slave. I still don’t feel like it strips me of my identity because I think eyes are the door to people’s soul (I know cliche, lol) and the mask doesn’t take away my eyes.)
Miss Lois: “But it should give you a sense of safety, as it makes not seeing yourself in the mirror logical.”
(In theory, yes… but I don’t know? Maybe it means I don’t have that much of a problem with accepting my slave self as we thought I did?) I told her that it didn’t and she just moved on to telling me to take the remaining pictures. Due to our conversation, my picture progress was quite slow. So I took them all even though the light still wasn’t great. (Nowadays I’m pretty good at taking pictures… or at the very least I have figured out the best location in the house, decor and light wise etc.)
Miss Lois: “[Friend’s name] is not allowed to touch himself. If you orgasm without touching yourself you will tell us both in this chat, understood? That would be a massive compliment for [my slave name].”
(Side note, to give you all the best re-experience of this event, I will not show any pictures I took that night in this post, as my friend also didn’t get to see any. I will show the ones that he also got to see, though.)
My friend: “I understand.”
Me: “It’s possible to orgasm without touching?”
Miss Lois: “Ask [friend’s name].”
So I asked him, haha. I was genuinely curious, to be honest. He said that it didn’t happen often and that it would usually take some other sort of physical stimulation but that at times if he were nervous or very aroused it was possible. It hadn’t happened to him often but did a few times. By the way, did I mention he is a submissive himself? In my first year at university when we lived together in halls, I kind of got it out of him and brought him to the dark side, muwhaha.
Then Miss Lois told me to take another picture. This time with my blue ballet pumps with my short black and white skirts, my blue skirt and the new long skirts. She also told me how wet I was.
Me: “Less wet than before Miss.”
Miss Lois: “Interesting. Any idea why?”
I thought it was because rather than feeling uncomfortable in this group conversation, it felt kind of normal. I was aware that some things I said might cause certain responses in my friend, which amused me, but it was also just normal and I thought that maybe that was taking me out of my submissive state?
Miss Lois: “OK, fair enough. Now, which combination do you think goes best?”
My mind could not answer this question. I blanked. Anxiety, I guess because what if I got it wrong? I was standing in front of my wardrobe and could literally see my clothes and yet, I couldn’t think of what could possibly work.
She helped me out by sending me a picture I’d taken for her in the past, of this top.
This top had honestly not crossed my mind at all. I don’t like it because I somehow have this aversion towards shirts that don’t have sleeves. I don’t think they look good on me, even though everyone always says they do. It’s not my personal taste, I guess.
She instructed me to take a picture with this one and the pencil skirt, and then showed me a few other pictures of me wearing certain items of clothing and to combine them with other items of clothing.
Honestly, we spend so much of our time, generally during our dynamic, trying out different outfits and me posing and taking pictures. I always thought it was fun.
Then, as I was taking these pictures she randomly said: “Have we ever used wasabi on you, by the way?”
Me: “No, Miss.”
Miss Lois: “I like the red shirt with both the long and the short skirt.”
Me: “Yes, Miss. The red looks good with the black.”
Miss Lois: “Ok, before we continue I want you to get naked and put some wasabi on your clit. Send me a picture of you with both your face and clit after you have put it on.”
(I always get some sort of both dreading and excited feeling when she tells me to do things that will most likely put me in the kind of pain that’s kind of very much uncomfortable for me.)
Me: “Yes Miss.”
Miss Lois: “How does it feel?”
Me: “Like… on one side it’s starting to feel like the XXX hot sauce, but slightly less intense? Like with the hot sauce, it takes a little while before you start feeling it, Miss. Like it is starting to sting now? On both sides? It’s like an unpleasant kind of pain, but the intensity rises slowly?”
Miss Lois: “Ok, put your clothes back on. I want to see the red top with both skirts and your black ballet pumps, the stilettos and your old heels with the new black ribbon laces in.”
Dear reader, I can now tell you that this was something she enjoyed doing to me a lot. Making me pose while having me put hot substances in undesirable places.
Miss Lois: “The pain is there to focus your mind and to also train you. A slave operates at 100% no matter what she feels like.”
She then told me to put my thong and tights on, which made it sting and burn a bit more. I tried to compare the level of pain to the pain I’d felt with the hot sauce and concluded that it didn’t reach the level of the hot sauce, but was still painful and pretty distracting.
Miss Lois: “A good opportunity to connect with yourself and the world?”
Me: “Yes Miss, definitely.”
Miss Lois: “Do I hear gratefulness for me giving
you that opportunity to suffer?”
Me: “Yes Miss.”
(You might be thinking: well you have to say yes Miss, don’t you? And yes, kind of, but honesty is more important, always. Miss Lois always stressed that. And honestly, it did make me feel grateful. It meant a lot to me and I’m not sure how to explain that.)
Miss Lois: “I am glad. I am always happy to hear about your gratefulness. As long as you please me I don’t need to hear it, but it is a nice touch.”
Me: “I think I turn more submissive when feeling grateful too? Maybe that’s also how it shows Miss.”
Miss Lois: “I was talking about writing it down and explicitly telling me. That seems hard for you to do.”
Me: “I wonder why that is, Miss, it shouldn’t be. Why is it difficult?”
Miss Lois: “Because now when I tell you to do something you do it. You like it, but it would not matter because you would have to do it regardless. But when you show your gratitude you express that you want it and therefore you admit that you want it.”
Me: “I see, Miss, that makes sense. Interesting.”
(You know, I loved being used by Miss Lois and following rules and doing tasks, but I also loved having these conversations with her. I love exploring the human mind and understanding myself and other people better. She really helped open up a lot of things for me.)
Miss Lois: “Are you grateful for the pain?”
Me: “Yes Miss.”
My friend: “I just came….”
Haha! What an interruption! Unfortunately, I’m going to have to interrupt your reading experience now too. This post is currently about 3500 words long and I don’t think I want to post something of 7000 words in one sitting, so I’m going to split this one in two parts.
Is this teasing you too? Telling you only the first half of the story and making you wait for the rest? *shrug* Oh well. Thank you for reading these posts in the first place! Part two: Did my friend manage to come a second time just by reading my and Miss Lois’ conversation? will be posted on Saturday 02/11/19.
(c) Do not use any of the material on this blog, pictures or content for any form of publication whether fiction, film, psychological research etc. without contacting me and asking me for my permission.