My Kinky Fantasies

I’ve been dreaming of kinky shenanigans for yeaaars. And I mean years because while I’m only 24-years old, I knew I was into kink just as I entered secondary school. Of course, I was way too young to be allowed to be into kink and so I had to stick to my fantasies.

Sometimes these fantasies would include me playing with dolls or lego and making up some kinky story in which the main character, based on me, duh, would be tied up. More often, I would close my eyes and picture a cave, a dungeon or some sort of dark room in which my friends and I had been captured. We would then be taken out one by one to be tortured in some way and I was always the first.

I only really played with boys when I was a child. I preferred running around and getting dirty and didn’t care much about the things girls would get up to. The boys and I would often play around and wrestle and I stole one such memory for my fantasy dreams. One day, three of them tried to pin me down on my bed at the same time so that I really couldn’t escape, as usually I was way too good at escaping and winning (not to blow my own trumpet, lol). Feeling that felt great. I always challenged everyone, hoping they’d actually be able to pin me down but until they tried that, it hadn’t been successful.

At school, we watched a class 2 grades above us perform a musical. One of the characters was being bullied? or something and she was lifted by both her arms and legs and thrown about. I imagined I was her.

As I got older I started ignoring the “confirm that you’re 18” warnings online. I read informative websites about BDSM and erotica, written by whomever. I wasn’t interested in seeing images or videos. I just wanted to be able to imagine and by reading stories I could put myself in the character’s shoes. My fantasies started developing alongside these texts. I started wondering what it would be like having to make sure that I’d always be shaved, or what it’d feel like to feel the first spank. And what would it be like to call someone “Sir”? (Yes, I hadn’t figured out my sexuality yet back then.)

I had always been an insomniac, I got it from my dad apparently (thanks). And so I started using these fantasies to help me fall asleep. Picturing being kidnapped, tied up and tortured made me feel at peace. It allowed me to drift off and forget about life. I wasn’t certain about anything in life, apart from knowing that I really longed to be a submissive.

I went on to CollarMe when I was eighteen and soon started talking with a Domme. She asked me about my fantasies and the first one that came to mind, and which still does when I am asked this question was the following. I imagine waking up in a completely dark room while I am tied in such a way that I am forced to be standing up. I’m completely naked and have no idea how I got there. Then suddenly, I feel the tip of a knife against my skin.

It’s about the element of fear more than anything.

Another fantasy that has been stuck with me is that I imagine being beaten with whatever tool or whichever tools available and that it keeps on going and going and going. It keeps on going until I (if I could) would crawl into a corner of the room and curl up into a ball, retreated. But instead, it keeps on going and never stops.

In this case, it’s about how it’s out of my hand. I can’t stop it no matter how I feel.

These are the only two fantasies that were completely generated by myself. All my others were influenced by the few Domme’s I’ve interacted with.

One takes place when, as per usual, I am incapable of sleeping and she pushes her knee into my crotch as she grabs my throat while keeping her eyes on mine. Her grip tightens and becomes tighter and tighter until finally, I pass out.

In another, we’re out in our sexy dresses and it’s dark by now. We pass by an alley and suddenly she drags me inside and pushes me up against the stone wall. Her hand slips under the dress and a finger slips inside.

I also dream of little snippets. My Mistress and I would be sitting on the couch, just watching television when she suddenly decides she wants to use me. I dream of lying at her feet and a pull at the leash attached to my collar. I dream of being caught in an uncomfortable predicament as she’s watching me with a smile.

It has only been recently that I am able to allow some of these fantasies back into my mind, however. In fact, it is still rare that I can imagine all these things. I stopped being able to use them to fall asleep years ago. And if anyone asks, and even when Miss Lois used to ask me, I couldn’t tell you what I fantasised about.

Fantasies can be incredible but they’re also the worst kind to get lost in.

Fantasies aren’t real and they never will be. For me, over the years, fantasies started representing everything that I can’t have. Thinking about them, imagining or dreaming was and I guess still is, too painful because it highlights this empty gap/space in my life that I so desperately need to be filled.

I truly think that being a slave is a vital part of my identity. Like I said earlier, I was always sure that I longed to be some sort of submissive, even if I didn’t exactly knew what that meant. Kink was never an uncertainty.

I believe the reason why I can sometimes imagine these things now is that I’m living my life with or without a Mistress. I can be myself regardless, and this blog is clear proof that I am living it. I’m not hiding anymore. I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I like or what I can do as a slave. Now, the empty space, the absence of kink is filled. I always thought I needed someone like a Mistress to be able to fill it but all I need is me.

And then maybe, one day, I’ll be fully owned by a Mistress.

Xx MLSlavePuppet

Inspired by Tell Me About #22 Fantasies