Mindset is an interesting thing. It is possible to talk about different kind of mindsets; mindset can mean whether or not you’re in the mood for sex, and mindset can mean your attitude. While it is called mind’set,’ a mindset is anything but set and can be changed as long as one is open to change and the mindset can be changed, for example, in slave/submissive training. I’m going to write about both of the mentioned kind of mindsets and this post is inspired by Tell Me About #24 Mindset.
A lot of the time, I immediately slipped into the right mindset as soon as she came online. I suppose one can compare it to an enthusiastic puppy (though I’m more of a cat person lol). It didn’t matter if we were only going to talk or have some degrading or sadistic fun. I was happy to talk to her and therefore also felt happy to serve.
However, quite often I also felt numb and disconnected at the time when Miss Lois came online. In these moments, nothing really mattered and I couldn’t feel arousal or excitement or feelings of submission. I felt like an empty shell, which always makes feel like I’m a bother to other people. I very much hoped that Miss Lois wouldn’t come online when I was in this mindset but it never mattered to her.
While I wasn’t in the right mindset I was still completely obedient and ready to serve if needed. I didn’t feel like moving, getting up and much less like getting naked, taking pictures or feeling pain but if she told me to do any of these things I would. She definitely taught me not to think about it and to just do, as serving is most important in the moment.
She was quite interested in my mindset, my depression and dissociation. She didn’t know much about the type of breakdowns I was having but she wanted to understand and find a way to break through them. She tried an array of different things, like pain, degradation, constant small reminders, rules and these all in different intensities. After a while, it appeared that pain was the most effective way to change my depressive mindset. I didn’t like admitting it. I am a masochist and while I hate/like most painful things, I still dread them too. The hot sauce, for example, is one of those things that gets me like, ‘please don’t have me do that’ (though I never say it in the moment… I’m too obedient; I’d tell her how I felt afterwards. Of course, I could always use a safeword, though I never have so far, with anyone.)
Pain could break through it though it would take a lot of pain for a long period of time. By the end of it, the afterwards could bring me peace. It didn’t work 100% but chances were high it did. It could help me break out of the disconnection and make me feel like my normal self and like a very grateful slave.
Another way to get me in the right mindset was when she’d start a conversation by only saying ‘slave.’ The first time she did this I was a bit shocked; like I could have fallen off my chair kind of shocked (if I were that clumsy haha). I instantly had butterflies in my stomach and a wet feeling in my panties. It put me right into the mindset of a slave; it made me feel even happier and more eager to serve. However, this also signalled a change of mindset as in the past, I’d have reeled at the idea of accepting that as my title. I wrote a bit about this here.
For a few months, she only did it sometimes so it kept on having that same impact. But over time, it started being the rule rather than the exception and this had both a similar and a different effect. It was similar in that it caused all of the above, minus the shock factor and it was different in that it started putting me in even more of a constant slave mindset.
From the start of my training, Miss Lois wanted me to start associating heels with sexual arousal and create that mindset. It meant that I always had to wear my heels when touching myself about which I wrote here. This never worked out, though she kept the rule for a long time. I don’t know why it didn’t work. Perhaps it didn’t because I never cared about my orgasms back then.
We also tried to change my IDC-about-orgasms mindset into me having more of a sexual drive. The first rule to try and accomplish this was that I had to squirt in the middle of the night every night that I wrote about here. Two or three days after this rule was implemented I started feeling aroused during the day. I felt like I wanted to touch myself but by the time I woke up (which I naturally do every night… way too often…) I wanted to do anything but touch myself. I mean… I just wanted to go back to sleep! Yet, this rule changed my mindset as it more constantly reminded me of being a slave. This, in turn, increased my sexual drive and my active need to please and develop. However, this rule was discontinued after 15 nights as it affected my sleep too negatively.
Miss Lois changed my entire mindset. She took what she liked about me, changed what she didn’t like and added other elements. I guess you can call it consensual brainwashing, lol. She changed my mindset on presenting myself in a more feminine and sexy way, on pleasing others-not just women, obedience and what a slave is like or supposed to be like in her eyes, as of course, this is very subjective.
She changed me into a slave whose priority would always be her. Like I mentioned above, her ability to help me break out of my disconnection from the world made me feel very grateful. And what does someone do when they feel grateful? They want to return the favour. In other words, the more she did for me in terms of fully accepting me, always being there, training me etc. made me feel more grateful and thus more obedient and more eager to please and return the favour.
This meant that I would always think, ‘what would Miss Lois want me to do’ in moments that she didn’t have time to talk or even if we did talk I would think about it so as to anticipate her wants/needs. Additionally, if she said that I would start craving using the hot sauce again I eventually would, though I absolutely hate the hot sauce! All she had to do was plant a little seed and because I knew it would make her happy, I’d start wanting it.
I would want it to be this way. I want to be changed and shaped into what my future Mistress, whoever that is, wants me to be. It feels like a part of servitude for me. I crave to serve and please; making her happy is my priority. Therefore, changing into what my Mistress wants me to be makes perfect sense and will make me happy.
Xx Marie Louise
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