Mindset is an interesting thing. It is possible to talk about different kind of mindsets; mindset can mean whether or not you’re in the mood for sex, and mindset can mean your attitude. While it is called mind’set,’ a mindset is anything but set and can be changed as long as one is open to change and the mindset can be changed, for example, in slave/submissive training. I’m going to write about both of the mentioned kind of mindsets and this post is inspired by Tell Me About #24 Mindset.
A lot of the time, I immediately slipped into the right mindset as soon as she came online. I suppose one can compare it to an enthusiastic puppy (though I’m more of a cat person lol). It didn’t matter if we were only going to talk or have some degrading or sadistic fun. I was happy to talk to her and therefore also felt happy to serve.
However, quite often I also felt numb and disconnected at the time when Miss Lois came online. In these moments, nothing really mattered and I couldn’t feel arousal or excitement or feelings of submission. I felt like an empty shell, which always makes feel like I’m a bother to other people. I very much hoped that Miss Lois wouldn’t come online when I was in this mindset but it never mattered to her.
While I wasn’t in the right mindset I was still completely obedient and ready to serve if needed. I didn’t feel like moving, getting up and much less like getting naked, taking pictures or feeling pain but if she told me to do any of these things I would. She definitely taught me not to think about it and to just do, as serving is most important in the moment.
She was quite interested in my mindset, my depression and dissociation. She didn’t know much about the type of breakdowns I was having but she wanted to understand and find a way to break through them. She tried an array of different things, like pain, degradation, constant small reminders, rules and these all in different intensities. After a while, it appeared that pain was the most effective way to change my depressive mindset. I didn’t like admitting it. I am a masochist and while I hate/like most painful things, I still dread them too. The hot sauce, for example, is one of those things that gets me like, ‘please don’t have me do that’ (though I never say it in the moment… I’m too obedient; I’d tell her how I felt afterwards. Of course, I could always use a safeword, though I never have so far, with anyone.)
Pain could break through it though it would take a lot of pain for a long period of time. By the end of it, the afterwards could bring me peace. It didn’t work 100% but chances were high it did. It could help me break out of the disconnection and make me feel like my normal self and like a very grateful slave.
Another way to get me in the right mindset was when she’d start a conversation by only saying ‘slave.’ The first time she did this I was a bit shocked; like I could have fallen off my chair kind of shocked (if I were that clumsy haha). I instantly had butterflies in my stomach and a wet feeling in my panties. It put me right into the mindset of a slave; it made me feel even happier and more eager to serve. However, this also signalled a change of mindset as in the past, I’d have reeled at the idea of accepting that as my title. I wrote a bit about this here.
For a few months, she only did it sometimes so it kept on having that same impact. But over time, it started being the rule rather than the exception and this had both a similar and a different effect. It was similar in that it caused all of the above, minus the shock factor and it was different in that it started putting me in even more of a constant slave mindset.
From the start of my training, Miss Lois wanted me to start associating heels with sexual arousal and create that mindset. It meant that I always had to wear my heels when touching myself about which I wrote here. This never worked out, though she kept the rule for a long time. I don’t know why it didn’t work. Perhaps it didn’t because I never cared about my orgasms back then.
We also tried to change my IDC-about-orgasms mindset into me having more of a sexual drive. The first rule to try and accomplish this was that I had to squirt in the middle of the night every night that I wrote about here. Two or three days after this rule was implemented I started feeling aroused during the day. I felt like I wanted to touch myself but by the time I woke up (which I naturally do every night… way too often…) I wanted to do anything but touch myself. I mean… I just wanted to go back to sleep! Yet, this rule changed my mindset as it more constantly reminded me of being a slave. This, in turn, increased my sexual drive and my active need to please and develop. However, this rule was discontinued after 15 nights as it affected my sleep too negatively.
Miss Lois changed my entire mindset. She took what she liked about me, changed what she didn’t like and added other elements. I guess you can call it consensual brainwashing, lol. She changed my mindset on presenting myself in a more feminine and sexy way, on pleasing others-not just women, obedience and what a slave is like or supposed to be like in her eyes, as of course, this is very subjective.
She changed me into a slave whose priority would always be her. Like I mentioned above, her ability to help me break out of my disconnection from the world made me feel very grateful. And what does someone do when they feel grateful? They want to return the favour. In other words, the more she did for me in terms of fully accepting me, always being there, training me etc. made me feel more grateful and thus more obedient and more eager to please and return the favour.
This meant that I would always think, ‘what would Miss Lois want me to do’ in moments that she didn’t have time to talk or even if we did talk I would think about it so as to anticipate her wants/needs. Additionally, if she said that I would start craving using the hot sauce again I eventually would, though I absolutely hate the hot sauce! All she had to do was plant a little seed and because I knew it would make her happy, I’d start wanting it.
I would want it to be this way. I want to be changed and shaped into what my future Mistress, whoever that is, wants me to be. It feels like a part of servitude for me. I crave to serve and please; making her happy is my priority. Therefore, changing into what my Mistress wants me to be, makes perfect sense and will make me happy.
Inspired by Tell Me About #24 Mindset
Also Wicked Wednesday #414 Twists
Miss Lois had a profound effect on you. I do hope you’re able to find someone else this year. And that that person isn’t a long ways away from you. Serving in person can be so much better!
She really, really had. I cannot imagine how I lived as the person before I met her. I wouldn’t ever want to go back and I’m so grateful I had her for so long. I do hope that too 😉 I am going to get caned by a bisexual Dominant soon, which is nothing towards finding a Mistress but I’m excited to do it in person!
Cool. I hope we get to read about it. You don’t think it might lead to something more??
Dw, have already written up a post of thoughts on beforehand and will definitely write a post about it afterwards 😉
No, I don’t think so
She’s a pro Domme and she was just looking for girls that like to be caned, essentially
Pros can be turned… just saying. But I hope it’s a great experience for you regardless. It will be intense. Caning is very “real”!
True, true, but I’m not going for that or thinking about it. What happens happens.
Thank you! She said she’s good at building it up slowly, so I’m holding onto that and hope I can take it haha
You know she might know someone who might be interested in a slave. I would ask at the end of the session. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there. Based on what you’ve written, I’m certain you will take it. I hope it lives up to your expectations!
True! It’s through Simon who I did suspension with I got in contact with this Domme, so I’m sure eventually I’ll run into someone 🙂 Thank you!
Stay well Marie Louise!
Your beautiful inside. Strong and honest. And real. I hope you find someone again. You will. Cause you know yourself. Amazing person! X
I really get how Miss Lois trained you to be the submissive she wanted. The whole mindset thing is something we have spent a lot of time on over the years. I hope you find someone new.
Thank you, me too!
I had to laugh about the irony you highlighted in the word mindset. A post I found interesting in many ways. I too with you luck on your journey.
Haha I’m glad to hear it!
Thank you so much x
This is such an interesting post. I have never been trained in such a way but it has made me think about how I might behave differently if I had been. Thank you for writing this for Tell Me About and for sharing it. 🙂
Thank you! It feels good to know I was able to show another perspective of some sorts 🙂
I had trouble posting this comment so really pleased it showed up
Ah, yeah I’ve had trouble with comments. Sometimes they end up in the bin or spam but since I now know all comments do seem to come through as soon as I approve them. Sorry about that!
I don’t think it was you. WordPress has weird quirks
WordPress does… which is strange considering it’s the most popular blogging site thing
With such experience from beimg shaped by your domme I’m sure your journey will be a positive and informed one. Great references in the post to play and mindset!
I agree! I’m really lucky and happy I had that. Thank you so much!
I can very much relate to feeling grounded through pain. When I am dissociating (or I am very anxious, too), pain get me back to reality. The unhealthy approach would be self-harm, to have the same effect. But in consensual D/s play, the pain can be about the connection between the partners too. That seems safer to me. Sex, penetration or anything like that, doesn’t have the same effect on me.
Thank you for your comment ❤️ and yes, exactly! I went for self-harm too in the past when I didn’t know there was a healthier way to be in pain, and the connection with the person makes it a lot better too.
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As you know, serving and tied in closely with that, mindset, has been on my mind a lot in the past days/weeks, and I love how this post adds to some of my thoughts, make me see things in different ways. I need to write more posts about my thoughts, and will. Thank you for linking this!
I feel like we are kind of on the same wavelenght with a lot of these things. I nod along to a lot of things you write and you make me think about things too!
It’s amazing how the people that mean the most to us teach us to serve others in so many ways. In my life, my mentor taught me how to serve others and it literally changed the trajectory of my life. I hope you find what you are looking for 🙂
This is a great post ML – strengths and traits being shaped by someone else – experience certainly helps make us who we are – or who we become