I realise that this blog must be a bit strange. I’m telling the story of a dynamic that grows and develops and becomes better at time passes, but in the present, this dynamic is already over. It’s ironic that I’m doing this. My favourite book is Pages For You by Sylvia Brownrigg in which a lover writes pages for her ex-lover about the time that they were together (I do recommend it!) But writing this blog has two reasons. One, I feel like it’s helping me process my training and dynamic, which shows me how much I have grown of which I can be proud, as well as get over the loss of losing an M/s dynamic. And two, this way people can get to know who I am and what I’ve done so far, which saves me a lot of individual writing to different people.
So… how did Miss Lois and I meet?
I was roaming around on Collarspace, not particularly looking for anything or anyone but a distraction. I have to admit that I was still a bit sad and getting over my (mostly vanilla) relationship that had ended a few months ago. But more than that, I was searching to fill the void of the missing kink in my life. I knew I was submissive and I knew I wanted to find a Domme to serve, but I didn’t know where to find it.
I was too shy to go out and meet people, really. And I also didn’t know where to do that in the tiny little place where I lived. Fetlife was never a great website to specifically find people on, so I ended up returning to Collarspace a lot. I had found one Mistress on Collarspace before, but that entire experience ended up being quite depressing, to say the least. Other than that, I only met people on CS that disappeared after a few conversations or blocked me. Pretty much everyone on there seemed fake so I also felt like there was pretty much no point of trying.
So when I was roaming on CS that day, I received a message from a Mistress under the name Iambetter (I believe? am not entirely sure anymore). I don’t remember her message exactly, but I think it included a line that said that she could ensure that no matter where we might go in terms of a relationship, it would be saver for me to be in contact with her. (This is terrible paraphrasing but oh well).
I was quite surprised because first of all, a Mistress never usually sent me a message first. Usually, I was the one to message someone first. Secondly, her message was quite nice and less like, ‘yu gunna serve me and u hav no rights, i’ll make u str8’ (lol). However, that didn’t mean I wasn’t a bit suspicious also cause like can you trust anyone on that site?
But I replied to her message, probably quite reluctantly and in a semi rebellious way. She my rebellion, and replied again. I guess she must have seen something in me, or suspected a certain potential that was simply buried away (turned out she was very much right!) and believed that if I was potentially given the right training, this could be changed.
However, after a few messages back and forth, and one picture I sent of myself without face, in which I was wearing… I think Gryffindor pyjama shorts and a pyjama shirt with long sleeves… she suddenly said: are you a boy? It’s fine if you are as long as you’re honest with me (I mean she’s bi so).
I was a bit shocked and scared that she might instantly let me go now. I swear I’m not a boy, lol… and I didn’t understand how it looked like I was… I mean… okay, it was possible with that picture… I’m not that curved and quite (or was more skinny back then). (Sadly I can’t find the picture anymore).
So in response, I sent her a picture of my boobs only without face or anything else, to prove to her that I wasn’t a boy. Things calmed down then and our conversation continued.
For quite a long time though, I was also still suspicious of her. She didn’t want to webcam then, and while she had shown me a picture of her as well, I wasn’t convinced. Anyone can take a picture from anyone and use it as theirs. How is that proof? I brought this up again and she asked me for a suggestion in which she could take away my suspicion. So then when she had proved her identity again, I decided to trust her.
For a long time also though, I wasn’t sure how to feel about having been mistaken for a boy. It made me feel a bit insecure, and it took several months before she told me to send her naked pictures and others in nice outfits to her (which was when I definitely felt more at ease with my body, lol).
Thinking about it now, it’s quite funny. To her, it probably had nothing to do with what I looked like, and it was simply a picture that just happened to not show anything feminine. But the thought that this little misunderstanding could have sabotaged this entire dynamic, is interesting to say the least. Thankfully that’s not what happened though, and so thankful it is also possible for me to write this blog.