As I wrote in this post, Lois had made me the offer that I could ask her to use the hot sauce while on webcam. However, we had never done a task or kinky play on webcam yet and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Or maybe I was. I knew I wanted to but the idea was also daunting.
It had only been a few days since she’d made me this offer though and rather than just feeling reluctant of the webcam, I was definitely not on board the idea of the hot sauce so I hadn’t thought of even bringing it up. So naturally, she did.
“Remind me of the offer I made.”
I copy-pasted what she’d written when she made the offer and didn’t say anything else.
“And you want me to see you suffer but you are scared of the hot sauce.”
Yes… but that wasn’t really the issue. While I, as I said was definitely not on-board for the idea of the hot sauce, I would take it if I knew she enjoyed seeing me suffer like that. It would need some prompting *cough her telling me to use it but I would. Maybe I was more scared of the cam than I initially thought.
I guess you can kind of compare it to how we first started talking out on email before moving to messenger and how the latter is a much more direct way of communicating. It was a little nerve-wracking for me when we made that switch, though it was much desired. Now changing from taking pictures or a video of a task to it being live was erm, equally or even more nerve-wracking. I tried to explain this to her and she said that I made it sound as if I wanted and needed her to force me to do it.
I didn’t realise that’s what it sounded like, much less that this is how I felt. I was trying to rationalise it or make sense of it and started to say that it had just been on my mind because once she suggested anything it stuck and made me desire to do it. I added that most confusingly, I wanted to do it though, a task on cam. She just said that she knew I did. And when I asked why she matter of factly said it was because she knew me. I mean, I knew that… I wanted to know why I wanted to do this.
She changed the topic by asking how wet I was… the ever returning question. I was wet, of course, though I hadn’t noticed or thought about it until she asked. She followed it up by saying that I could always ask her for help. She pointed out that I seemed to be aroused by the idea and knew that I wanted to do it. If I needed help to build up the courage to ask, she said she was happy to.
Now, this wasn’t very usual in our conversations and there was no need for her to wait for me to ask her. If she wanted me to do it (knowing I wanted it) she could have just told me to do it. No, she wanted me to admit to my own desire, both to me and her and so she wasn’t just going to make it easy by taking away my responsibility. But I really wanted to and I needed her help because somehow I just couldn’t get myself over that hurdle. I think I felt ashamed.
“Could you help me build up the courage to ask you, Miss?”
“Sure. Would it be easier for you to show yourself doing something less extreme?”
The act of what I’d be doing kind of didn’t matter to me in that moment, that wasn’t what I was scared of! So I went on a little thought cycle over my anxiety and the webcam.
“The thing is if I tell you to do it you will.”
And yet, she wasn’t going to. She just wasn’t going to. Instead, she reiterated that she was offering me her help. If I asked her to tell me to do anything in this respect, and she thought it’d be helpful, then she would. I still couldn’t so I asked her if that meant I should ask her to let me use the hot sauce on cam. She suggested starting with something more mundane, noting that she would like to see my room in its current hopefully tidy state while I’d be wearing my grey nightgown and stilettos.
“So… I suppose I should ask you to tell me to do that?”
*facepalm. Yes, past me. Yes!
“It is completely up to you.”
I remarked how I didn’t like choice and then finally asked her. Finally, she took charge again.
“Show me your room while wearing the grey nightgown, your stilettos and ball gag, starting the show by switching the cam on and walking away from the cam for as far as you can, then come back and take me on a tour around your room.”
Ugh. I feel so shy about walking in those goddamn stilettos. After all the training I still worried that it doesn’t look right especially when she was watching!
“So… I assume that means I should click on the video call thing?”
*facepalm. Yes, past me. Yes!
She said she could see me, which I guess meant I should have started moving but instead I said something like, I know you can but I’m just kinda frozen in place. lol.
After the little awkward tour, she wanted me to go on all fours on my bed facing the wall. It felt so weird. It felt so… real? Or as close to real as I had experienced so far. It felt like what I imagined it would feel like doing this in front of a person who is physically with me.
“So it feels very good?”
Yes… I think so? Haha.
She wanted me to spread my legs more, then to push my belly down and my bum up. I had my phone with me so she sent me a picture of what it looked like from where she sat.
By this point, I had gotten very, very wet and so it was time for me to putt the butt plug in, which I had to get up as I hadn’t taken it with me to the bed. I believe she remarked how she loved that I was drooling like a little piglet… haha.
Then came the vibrator and the order to get myself close to cum- until she eventually allowed me to. For once, I didn’t squirt, which is more unusual for me than to actually squirt. In hindsight, I now know it’s because I was wearing a butt plug also. Having anything inserted often stops me from squirting.
We stopped there and while it didn’t seem like much, it had been a really big, and positive experience for me. She’d enjoyed it very much too and we talked a little until she said we could turn the cameras off, instead of me hiding under the desk, lol. Embarrassment goes a long way?
It was such a relief having done this, however, and as you can imagine, I soon started craving to do it again.
Xx ML
Dear Marie Louise,
I like that you didn’t end up doing the hot sauce for your first cam task. This way you got two separate “firsts”, instead of a combined one. And any first puts butterflies in the stomach, doesn’t it? They should always be savored. I always try to go for many little ones instead of one big one.
Knowing you from just reading your blog, I knew that you needed to be told. What do you think Miss Lois’ point was in making you ask? If I were in her shoes (that would probably look funny), I would have done it, if I weren’t sure that you were up to the task. As a way to ensure that you were on board with it. Offering a soft way to safeword, if you will.
But I don’t think that is why Miss Lois did it. I think she did it as a way to grow you as a slave in some respect. What do you think she wanted it to do to and for you?
I am still looking forward to hearing about that hot sauce!
All the best,
Henrik
I had used the hot sauce before this point in time though, you must have read that post right? There are perhaps… 4? more times that I used the hot sauce since that first time while with Lois, so there’ll be some posts to look forward to haha. In fact, one is fast approaching.
She did it because she wanted me to be aware of my desires. Both for humiliating reasons but also for self-awareness. I think, haha.
x
Hey M L.
Beautiful writing, are you going to give cam shows When an where . I’ll visit you there
Hey there, curious about when’s your first contribution here on WP.
Do you mean the first post I’ve written on this blog?
I’m not going to do cam shows. I’m glad you enjoyed the post though 🙂
This was really interesting to read ML. I get off on humiliation too but can relate to finding this difficult. I suppose it is that moment when you shift deeper into your submissive space because it feels too hard to do any other way.
I shift through different stages of want, need and desire and ability to submit throughout the day. So sometimes I don’t mind confessing to these sort of things at all and at other times I really cannot. Except when I would be consensually forced to haha!
Yes I know what you mean. I don’t find it can be sustained constantly either although it is there when needed and can be pulled out
Same. We are people after all!
Another great insight in your life . That live experience with somebody in your room watching is so much different to just taking a video. I’m glad it became a positive experience.
Thank you PS. I would definitely recommend it to all long distance couples
I tried to put myself in your place, thinking about how I would feel about webcam tasks and realized that it will definitely make me feel awkward, even anxious, but also very excited. It’s not only knowing they are watching, but also the being alone, doing things to yourself… I think the combination of it all. But, I will hesitate to take the step for sure, and once I do, I know I will enjoy. Great task, and great images too!
Rebel xox
Yes, you captured that perfectly! Maybe it’s something you should try out when you’re apart from each other while on a tip, sometime in the age after corona 😉 xx
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I have been wanting to enjoy humiliation with sir since we first met, and we discovered this year that asking for help is the best way to do that (so far) so my tasks have featured a lot of that!
I’ve yet to scene on cam with him (not sure that will happen but the idea makes me nervously excited!) but have thoroughly enjoyed time with some of my play mates through lockdown.
Great Post
Do you think he’d be up for it if you asked him? It’s funny how on cam is different from irl in terms of feeling exposed in a different way. I’m really curious how you’d find it!
I honestly don’t think he would. I’ve shown him it’s possible, with a scene I created with a different friend, and have shared how excited this idea makes me. Especially if his screen is anonymous. However, like woth all of these things all I can do is tell him and then wait. If he chooses to use it against me? well…
You know the one thing about dominants is that they don’t seem as open to trying everything at least once! that’s a bit disappointing. But who knows, one day he might suddenly do it
Hehe, I think its more that he sets the timetable rather than being unwilling. He usually adds things when i least expect it.
Haha that’s much better then controlling sadists are ❤️
Mine certainly is
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