Wearing Clothespins for a Full Night

Clothespins were one of the first things I used to experience some sort of submissive feeling and pain on my own. I don’t remember how I got the idea, but I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it was an easy and cheap way to do some nipple play. When I discovered this I searched through my parent’s house for clothes pins but they were really hard to find. Did they not use any? What about laundry? Why were they Continue Reading →

Which one is Real?

Trigger warning: depression and suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I slip into it so slowly that I don’t notice I have changed at all. I am aware that I’m not feeling well and that depression has crept up on me but I’m not aware that ‘my voice’ has changed. I am ‘the other’ and I don’t realise because she feels so familiar to me. She’s like an old friend but I am scared of her. I am scared of feeling this way. Continue Reading →

Are You There?

I’m not here. I’m not here anymore. I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you right now.   No. I’m not here. I’m not.   ‘I can’t…’ be here I’m not I’m not   ‘I don’t want to…’ can’t  be   I can’t be here anymore.   Hello depression my old friend ~ This was earlier this week. I’m all good now, this happens all the time. Great image came from it though, if I say so myself. Seriously though, I’m Continue Reading →

Task 1: Making my own Porn video

As explained in a prior post, Laura and I are setting each other tasks and will be posting about how this went on our blogs. Laura fulfilled my first task and wrote about it here. On the bottom of this post, she wrote down the task for me, which I have now done and about which I will write here. Laura set me the task to make my own porn video, which she directed and to then watch the video Continue Reading →

Triggering Dissociation with a Task

Previous Post | Next Post I have written about my dissociation in the past in My Mental Illness: Depression and Dissociation and written a guest post attempting to explain a little bit about dissociation on SB4MH. Considering the forms of dissociation out there like, Dissociative Identity Disorder about which DeviantSuccumbus has written some great posts (here & here) that explains it well, mine is pretty mild. I don’t have multiple personalities but I do seem to have an ego state. This Continue Reading →

Trying to orgasm with clamps on my labia until I cried

Previous Post | Next Post In the morning of this particular day, Miss Lois had been briefly online and asked if I had a busy day today. She said that she had to go but that she might say hello later on if her day wouldn’t be too crazy. Three hours later she came back online and pointed out that I’d seemed to be rather quiet today. She asked me how I felt. “Alright, Miss,” I said. Miss Lois: “That Continue Reading →

Elust 126

Photo courtesy of May More of Sex Matters Welcome to Elust 126– The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #125? Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ Continue Reading →

Tasks with Student Slave

Some of you probably know that I was quite a fan of PainSlutLois’ blog (not the Lois that trained me). She stopped posting a little while ago but linked to my and this other girl’s blog (Laura, Student Slave) quite recently, after which Laura and I started talking. It turns out we’re quite similar in our masochism and servitude and enjoy hearing about the tasks we might be set by other people or pain we have to endure. In other Continue Reading →

I Don’t Want to Win

Previous Post | Next Post Following up on my anticipating my first caning post, I want to go a little bit deeper into my ‘I don’t want to win’ statement by going back to the time I spent with Miss Lois. As happened quite often… (more often than I thought, looking back) I was having a few depressive days again. These would often end up in breakdowns, which I can best describe as being at my lowest point, feeling like Continue Reading →

No Reminder Like Marks

Marks, mhm… I love marks because they are a visible reminder of the good time we had and sometimes they leave a soft sting of pain. Walking away from a task with marks reminds me of the pain I might have endured or whatever message a Domme wanted to instil in me. Having marks can be a moment of pride because it shows that what I did was ‘severe’ enough to leave them. While I love marks, there weren’t a Continue Reading →

Looking for a New Hood/Mask

As you’re all well aware, I’ve been using a hood/mask because I want to hide my identity. I’ve had this one for a year if not longer by now and I’m looking for a new one, though I’m not sure which one to get. I was wondering if you know of any or have any suggestions for some. If you do, please fill in the form below 😊

Anticipating My First Caning

I’ve since had my first caning about which you can read here. The video of this session (33 minutes) can be bought on my only fans page ($24.99) or contact me on mlslpup@gmail.com and pay through PayPal (£18) Anticipating my first caning The lovely Simon Brooke who I did suspension with showed me a Fetlife post of a bisexual female Dominant in Scotland, MissSultryBelle, who is looking for girls to cane on video. I was immediately interested. 1. I’ve been Continue Reading →

Shhh… Lush

Can you keep quiet? Lush certainly can… I don’t have as much freedom as I do at home in Scotland so I tried to be creative with what I had aka the Lush vibrator I brought with me, hehe. I wore the vibrator out with my dad in a sushi restaurant the other day; shhh! I wrote about using Lush before in this post. Following the Sinful Sunday theme: Shadows. My favourite entry from last week is She’s a star Continue Reading →

Why do you need contraception? You’re a lesbian

You would not believe how often I received the response, “Why do you use the pill? You don’t need it.” (So often in fact that I’m worried all of you will go, ‘erm, yes… you don’t need the pill, you’re gay.’) Even more curious is that I don’t just get this question from men. Women also ask me why I need to use contraception as if it’s a bad thing. I don’t get it. All women know/have experienced the pain Continue Reading →

From ‘Innocent’ Girl to Obedient Slave

Mindset is an interesting thing. It is possible to talk about different kind of mindsets; mindset can mean whether or not you’re in the mood for sex, and mindset can mean your attitude. While it is called mind’set,’ a mindset is anything but set and can be changed as long as one is open to change and the mindset can be changed, for example, in slave/submissive training. I’m going to write about both of the mentioned kind of mindsets and Continue Reading →